


Confetti

by RedheadShenanigans



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fashion & Models, Canon-Typical Violence, Completed, Dean/Cas alternating chapters, Destiel - Freeform, Drug Use, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Fashion & Couture, Flirting, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Gay, Happy Ending, Hidden Relationship, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Love, M/M, OTP Feels, Oral Sex, POV Castiel, Sam OTP Destiel, Sexual References, Slow Build, Smut, Suicide, Swearing, eating disorder discussed, movie star Cas, self harm discussed, underage grooming mentioned in passing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-12
Updated: 2018-09-03
Packaged: 2019-06-26 08:08:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 47,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15659205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedheadShenanigans/pseuds/RedheadShenanigans
Summary: Cas is America's darling with a celestial secret and is a huge movie star.Dean walks YSL's runway but has a dark past.They're hiding their love and it's bringing them both to boiling point.We meet them at Dean's Paris show, Cas is trying not to drool as Dean does his thing. Someone hacked Cas' agent and was searching for secrets. There is an incident, people they love get hurt and it might not be an accident. Was one of them the target of a terrifying assassination attempt? The police think so. So which one of them was it? They both have pasts that keep crawling out of the closet, let just hope the skeletons aren't going to be the homicidal kind.If you want fluff, angst, drama, smut, heartfelt scenes, brotherly love, sarcasm, mayhem and 15ft posters of Cas in his underwear, this is the fic for you. Also, I don't do standard arch's or tropes, whatever you're expecting this will not be like the other stuff. lol, I'm an outta left field kinda girl.





	1. It's a Parade...

**Author's Note:**

> This is a work of fiction. Where brands, real names are used or business are mentioned these are to create realism for the reader. The characters are entirely imaginary and have no relation or baring to any real-life people who hold or have held these names. I am not personally involved with any designer or brand used in this work of fiction and hold no affiliation to either. (I'd really like not to get sued lol)

"Did you text him?" Cas whispered to Sam so that they wouldn't be overheard.

"Yeah, he'll be waiting back at the hotel for you. He has to do the after-party shit."

Cas gave a swift nod and went back to texting Meg who was pitching a fit. The last three texts had all be versions of 'Why are you making my life so fucking hard Castiel?' It made him smile, she was the best agent in the world and kept him in work and protected. He honestly didn't know what he'd do without her. Sighing at his good fortune he replied with apologies. She knew how he felt about Dean and that he wouldn't miss this for the world. She would bitch about it until the end though. This was Dean first show in which he was the main person, the headliner, but he didn't think that it was the right word. Dean had explained it all but Cas was still mystified sometimes by the fashion world.

The lights went up, the music kicked in and the announcer declared the show was commencing. Cas looked up from his phone but knew Dean wouldn't be on till last. He was the star and would wear this season's must-have suit by the designer. Cas didn't care about the other pieces, he didn't care much for this at all but Dean did. Cas wanted to be able to discuss it with him afterwards, so he watched the models. He 'oohed' and 'ahh’d' where appropriate and spoke to Sam about a few pieces. There were one or two he liked and he would ask Meg, though they’d need altering for his broader frame. Maybe whatever Dean was wearing would fit better? They were almost the same size.

“Hey has Meg lifted the no texting embargo yet?” Sam asked while the models walked.  
Cas shook his head, “No. She’s asked me to refrain while she deals with the potential hacking but in an hour or so I should be fine.”

Sam narrowed his eyes, “Will he get outed? Will you?” The concern in Sam gaze was for them both and he felt so loved at that moment. Sam was one of his best friends. Cas lifted his hand to his mouth so the words wouldn't be caught on film, Sam had been doing the same thing.  
“She’s pretty sure that it’s fine, only my business phone and the emails for the agency. We’re pretty careful anyway but obviously, he doesn’t want your parents to know yet.”  
Sam frowned, “He doesn't want dad to know you mean. The general will freak and he knows it.”  
Cas winced, 'the general' was Sam’s pet name for his father who was a Marine. Not an actual General but heading towards it, John Winchester was a stern man. He was kind in his way but had very strict and unwavering opinions on his boy's lives. That Dean had gone into fashion was a never-ending issue for John and by proxy Dean and his brother.

Cas hated this farce, he wanted to dance and kiss and cuddle in public but that wasn’t going to happen any time soon. Dean was edging closer. Each comment from his father or the press pared him to jump off that cliff. The waiting was killing Cas though.

Several long minutes passed and finally the last of the line was being shown. Tell me lies was playing over the sound system, and Dean started his walk. Cas' eye went wide before he could stop them. He was being watched and had to school his face but inside he was dying. The suit was a wedding suit, it was pure white.

There were three pieces to the stunning ensemble. A shirt, a waistcoat and jacket, all moulded around Dean as if he'd asked the cloth very nicely to imitate his skin. The light reflected off it from all angles and he looked stunning. His hair had been roughed up on top but blended down and shaved precisely. It looked as though it faded from dark brown with gold flecks to his tan neck, with no lines to mar it. Cas shuddered and couldn't wait to get back to the hotel.

Dean moved like something lethal. He was all smooth, perfect grace. Every eye and camera was focused on him. Cas was trying for nonchalance but barely managing. He rubbed his dark slacks, the chino’s were too warm for this time of year but he knew Dean liked them, or his ass in them. The walk was a few hundred yards but seemed longer and the music, the people, everyone fell away as Dean reached him. His seat was on the bottom corner of the runway so when Dean turned he could choose to look at him or not.  
Cas had been to several shows, it was actually where they’d met. The usual turn was a blank face, head high turn and walk back, but that did not happen this time. This time Dean made eye contact and winked. It was brief, and so was the smile but it was there. Cas shivered in his seat. Then cursed himself, hoping the array of cameras had missed it. What was Dean thinking? This was not how he wanted to announce them to the world.

A text came through as he watched Dean walk away. Holy shit that ass. That ass. His phone beeped again and the crowd went wild. The cheering faded to nothing as the words which appeared on his screen filled his world.

‘I know you’re screwing the supermodel.’

Cas stared at the accusation. At first, he thought it was a joke and showed Sam who’s eye went wide. The number wasn’t one he knew and he forwarded it to Meg. Only minutes later she replied,

‘I’ve passed it on to the PI.’

Cas wasn’t worried, his private investigator was seeing this and worse due to the hack. Plenty of people thought he and Dean were an item but they always dismissed it. The standard response was 'close friends',  Cas was a friend of the family, of course, they have dinner together.'They’re friends;… he was so sick of hearing that. The holiday in the Maldives had been harder to explain but they'd managed it.  
With that, he shrugged it off and went back to watching the designer explain his line for the season. Dean stood by the short man's side with a slight frown because this was the first time Cas had looked up from his phone. Cas gazed into those beautiful green eyes and shrugged. It was implied that he’d explain later and then for a second he let Dean see the promise in his eyes. He let him see the lust for him and how gorgeous he looked in that suit. Dean grinned and it was worth it, worth Meg’s rant and the media fall out. His smile was stunning and it made Cas warm to his toes.

Right, he thought, time to move before the hordes ask for an autograph.


	2. So very gay

Dean wrapped his arm around Anthony as the shorter man gripped him. The crowds were insane this year. He was pretty sure it had something to do with the gorgeous brunette staring at him with deep blue eyes. Shuddering, he let Cas see what was waiting for him after this was over and then grinned. Annoyance rose as he thought of the after party he had to attend, it would stall him for at least two hours. Sam waved, dragging Dean from his thoughts and so did Cas as they moved. Anthony wrapped it all up with a quick speech which Dean missed because he was too busy watching Cas’ perfect ass walk away. Those chinos, damn him.

They cleared the runway and went to take the suit off. Eileen was backstage when he got there. She'd watched the show from Sam’s side but was now back doing her job as Dean's stylist.

The hug was hard and fast as he entered the dressing room. He didn't say anything because he knew she wouldn’t hear him so he waiting for her to pull back.

“That was amazing.”She signed and spoke, with a huge grin.

“Was he watching? Did you see his face?” Dean asked as he signed.

She nodded, “All the way.”

Smiling, she pulled out her phone and showed him the video of Cas’ wide eyes as Dean entered the catwalk. The video was short but his heart was frantic in his chest. He fucking loved that man.

“The turnout was crazy today.” He said as he loosened the white tie around his neck. She slapped his hand and did it for him.

“You’re too rough.” She huffed, “It’s silk… How long have you been doing this now?” she scolded.

He grinned at her and knew she wasn't actually mad.

“Too long. I’m getting old.” He grimaced as she undid his collar buttons.

She read his lips and he got another slap for his trouble. “Dean Winchester you take that back. You’re stunning and you know it.”

He looked sheepish, “Maybe.” he said with a cheeky grin.

“Stop flirting with me, you’re brother will go mad.” she laughed. It was a running joke between them. Every time they were home Dean’s father would make some comment about Dean finding a nice girl. He'd moan about him bringing Cas to all the family functions.

He’d say, “Why can’t you find a nice girl like Eileen?” and Dean would proceed to flirt with her for the rest of the evening to everyone's humour and annoyance.

“Sam loves it.” Dean laughed, “He’s mostly glad I’m not into girls anymore.”

“You’re not into anyone but Cas anymore and you haven't been for years.”

Dean shrugged as she took off his shirt.

“What am I wearing to this party? I thought YSL had sent over something new?”

She turned and pulled out a clothes bag, “Chanel sent this over as a gift.”

He frowned, “They won’t like that.”

“Anthony has already signed off on it. He would have you wearing this but he wants it ready for the client.”

“He sold it already?” He asked and she nodded.

“Yeah, two days before to some private buyer. He hadn’t even seen it, just wanted his statement piece from this line.”

Dean laughed, “Some people are so weird.”

She smiled, “Plus Anthony knows Chanel is looking at you for next season. You’ve been with them a long time now, he knows you’re bored.”

“I’m not-”

She gave him the look, the 'don't bullshit me' look.

“Fine, I’m a little bored. Everyone is great you know but sometimes, I wanna meet new people.”

She smiled, “I know, I’m with you all the time.”

“What are you wearing for this thing?” He asked curiously.

“Chanel sent me something too.” she grinned and pointed to the wall.

“Wow, is that this season?” He barked out.

“Yes, isn’t it stunning?”

Dean nodded; the cream jumpsuit was a Greek-style one shoulder with an embellished waist. The dark blue embroidery was nice, delicate. Dude, you’re so gay, he thought to himself and smiled.

“How gay am I on a scale of one to ten?” he grinned at her.

“So gay dude. So very gay.” she laughed.

Dean looked sad suddenly and Eileen grabbed his face in her hands.

“Don’t do that Dean. There’s nothing wrong with you.” she scolded and looked into his eyes.

“Tell that to my dad…” he whispered.

“John will accept it eventually. When you do tell him, he’ll get it, I know he will. It’s not… you’re not…”

“What he wanted?” He asked and she looked horrified.

“No! What he expected. You were heading down the same road as him and then you jack-knifed into fashion and he didn't see it coming.”

“He blames Sam…” Dean huffed as he pulled the shirt off. Eileen put the diamond cufflinks back in the box to return to the designer.

“I know but Sam doesn’t care and neither should you”

Dean dropped into his chair to take off the makeup.

“Dad was happy that I got a job with the modelling agency. I was happy because I was actually good at it.”

She watched his lips in the mirror and nodded, “Then you met Antonio at one of Sam’s shows and that’s all you wanted to do.” she sighed, “He just didn't expect you to make a career out of it that’s all. He expected you to finish that summer and go into the military like you said you would.”

She stroked his shoulders, “Dean, no-one could have fathomed you would meet YSL’s head honcho at a classical music concert. Even less that he would seek you out through Sam.”

Dean rubbed his face with another wipe, glitter was such a bitch.

“I think both me and Sam doing something… not manly was too much for him.”

She nodded, “He’ll come round, it’s only been what…”

“Seven years.” He said and looked at her.

She grinned and started laughing which made him laugh.

“He’ll get there, I promise you,” she reassured him and they caught their breath.

He nodded, “Right let’s get this crap over so I can go see my man.”

“You love this part.”

“Yeah but not as much as I used too.”

“You wish he could be there?” It was rhetorical.

Dean smiled it was tight, “One day soon he will be." the breath he took was deep and shuddering, "I’m afraid he’ll leave Eileen.”

She looked sad, “Oh Dean, that man adores you, and he’s not going anywhere.”

The bag she draped over the chair was black with the gold Chanel logo and he smiled.

“I’ll dress, you go do you,” he said changing the subject and turning to mess with his hair that was still perfect from the show.

He opened the bag and was surprised. The grey slacks and white shirt were subtle and not what he was expecting. Once dressed, he admired his reflection, it fit like a glove. Smiling, he silently thanked Eileen who must have sent over his measurements. The instructions advised him to roll his sleeves which exposed his tattoos. The shirt gaped at the top exposing the black star and fire design on his skin. Clearly, they were trying out a new look.

Eileen appeared twenty minutes later and grinned.

“You look amazing.”

“So do you.” He returned the grin, she really did. Her hair was tousled and up off her neck playing to the Greek style of the outfit. The gold band of leaves highlighted the gold in her hair and her makeup was flawless.

His phone beeped and his grin got wider.

“That Cas?” She asked and he nodded.

‘You were so hot. see you soon. x’

The text read, he replied ‘Thank you’

Eileen linked him as they went to Sam who was waiting at the after party next to the bar. The marquee was huge and filled with, well everyone.

Not everyone his brain corrected. Not Cas.

Shaking off the melancholy, he smiled and flirted. He deflected rumours for over an hour before the shit hit the fan.

“Dean, how wonderful to see you.” Gabriel Angelus said as he swaggered his way with two of Dean's female colleagues on his arms. This guy was a sleaze.

“Gabriel. Got your hands full I see.” Dean could charm anyone, even this dick but it didn't mean he had to enjoy it.

“Always. There’s enough to go around. It’s not like they’re your type though if you know what I mean.” he winked and Dean resisted the urge to punch him.

Dean raised an eyebrow and drank his beer. Usually, he’d be on whisky to stop the bloating but the show was over and he didn't have anything now for a while. Relaxing between shows was a must.

“Oh come on, I’ve heard the rumours. You act straight but we know you’re fucking Novak.”

Dean growled, “You should be more polite about my friends Gabriel.”

The slimy designer laughed, “You don't scare me, Winchester. You wouldn't muss Chanel’s pretty bribery with my blood and we both know it.”

“Maybe he wouldn’t but I have no issue with mussing mine.” Sam’s voice came from behind him. His brother's frame towered over the shorter man. Sam was a teddy bear but they’d been raised as soldiers, smaller versions of their dad. They could both kick all the ass.

“And you are?” Gabriel asked looking more than interested. He swung every which way that anyone could and his blatant flirting made Dean’s stomach roll.

“Sam Winchester,” Sam said with no further elaboration. Anyone who was anyone knew who Sam was.

“Ah yes, the pianist. Well done on that last score, what was it again?”

The change of topic threw Dean for a second as the anger simmered under his skin. He watched Sam scowl at the designer but answered his question anyway. That was Sam, eternally polite.

“A reign of sapphires - Iron Man 4,” Sam replied.

“Ah yes, the comic film,” Gabriel said it like it was something filthy that he had to spit out.

“It won an Oscar and an AA. Stop being a dick, Gabriel.” Dean chastised, “I know you’re a fan of his.”

Gabriel scowled, “Maybe but still if you want to achieve real heights, Samuel, contact me.”

“It’s Sam and I’m fine, thanks.” The tone was hard and Sam’s expression was harder.

“Come on Sam, I have better places to be…” Dean turned and Gabriel laughed and dismissed his escorts.

“Oh, Dean. One more thing?”

Dean turned back and humoured the douche so he could leave. Gabriel leaned in so that only Dean and Sam could hear him.

“Say hi to Novak for me. If he needs, anything, I know his regulars still miss that tight pert ass of his.”

Dean saw red. Cas had been an addict for a while at the start of his career and had done some questionable things to feed his habit. Until this moment Dean hadn't known one of those things had been Gabriel. That look in his eyes was all lust, oh yeah he was going to kill this guy. The rage was all consuming but the shock of the public setting had him frozen. Shit, what was he supposed to do? Sam, however, didn't have the same issues. The huge fist flew like lightning and snapped Gabriel's head back. It was a tap but Sam broke the guy's nose. Blood gushed and Dean stepped back.

Gabriel screamed and grabbed his face. Dean smiled and it was smug.

“Fuck!” he yelled, “I’m suing you, that's it you’re done.” Gabriel tried to grin through the blood but winced instead.

Sam smirked and added,

“Actually, I got it all on my phone, so try it; we’ll see who the judge favours. I’d say that was provocation Dean wouldn’t you?”

Dean nodded and smiled, “I’d say so, Sam.”

Sam had been pre-law before Julliard had picked him up.

“I have an arsenal of fucking lawyers Gabriel and so does Cas, test us and see how fast we break you,” Sam whispered it, the low growl was a little scary.

Gabriel huffed then turned and left without a word. Everyone was staring. Eileen was watching from the bar and made her way over.

Dean felt relieved it was over; this was not the place for a brawl. No matter how much he wanted too.

“Did you see that?” Sam asked wincing as Eileen linked his arm and leaned up to kiss his cheek.

“Yes, well done.” 

"Well done?" Sam asked, confused.

"That shirt is a silk blend; I would never have shifted the blood out." She grinned and he laughed.

"I'm glad I could save Dean's shirt for you, babe." 

Dean laughed with Eileen and then said, “Guys, I wanna go back to my hotel. I need some sugar.”

“TMI dude. TMI” Sam said while he pulled a pretend disgusted face.

“How is your hand?” Dean asked.

“Fine, I barely hit him,” he answered with a shrug.

“You really shouldn’t punch people. Your hands are your work. I know you don't do concerts much anymore but you still play…”

“Dude, I’m not letting him talk about Cas like that, ever.”

“Thanks, Sam. I couldn’t...” Dean felt shame curse through him.

Sam grabbed his shoulder, “No. I know this is your house, your people. That’s why I did it.”

Dean smiled.

Eileen coughed, “If you two girls are done? The limo is waiting.”

They both chuckled and followed her out.

Dean pulled out his phone and text Cas, ‘On my way, get the champagne out’.

He grinned all the way back to Le Bristol Paris where his love waited on their suite. He couldn't wait.


	3. Celestial intent

Cas sat on the terrace of their suite, tablet in hand. He’d watched the clip four times and it was still hilarious. Gabriel's face as Sam’s fist flew out of nowhere, classic. He was grinning when the door latch clicked. He was still grinning when the love of his life, whom he had been watching on the screen, appeared before him.

The 6ft tall piece of gorgeous crossed the room stopping only to take off his shoes. He watched him move and it was so much better than the video. The shirt clung to all the good bits. The trousers clung to the amazing bits and his eyes, they were full of love and promise. How did he ever get so lucky?

Cas had changed into silk PJ bottoms and nothing else, his feet were cold on the terrace floor but he liked it. Sighing, he watched Dean cross the threshold and invade his personal space.

“Hey you,” Dean whispered as he leaned in for a kiss.

“Hey.” Cas placed the tablet on the white steel table and turned, tilting his head so that Dean didn’t have to lean too far. The kiss was a brush of lips as he grabbed a cushion from a chair and put it on the floor. He knelt on it between Cas’ legs and wrapped himself around his waist. At this height, Dean’s head sat on Cas’ chest and Cas smiled as he wrapped his arms around the taller man. He stroked his hair, trying not to touch the product out of habit and kissed Dean’s forehead as he gazed up.

“I missed you, so fucking much.” Dean grinned and then snuggled into Cas’ chest.

“I missed you too. Are you okay?”

“Ah, you saw huh?”

Dean looked sheepish and pulled back, leaning onto the balls of his socked feet. He stood picking the cushion up and placing it back on the chair before moving it closer to Cas. Finally, he sat, knees touching his partners.

“Yeah, the whole of western society did.” Cas took his hand, “Is Sam okay?”

Dean laughed, “Yeah, of course, barely touched him.”

“What happened? The audio didn't pick it up.”

Dean frowned, "It was nothing, you know Gabe, just banter gone wrong."

Cas scowled, “Don’t lie to me… I’m not a child, I don't need your protection.” he huffed.

The sigh from Dean was hard, “Sorry. I’m sorry.” he squeezed Cas’ cool hands and smiled trying to diffuse the anger. The shirt pulled tight over his shoulders as he hunched into Cas.  
Dean gave Cas his best puppy dog look and Cas tried to stay mad, he did, really. It lasted a whole thirty seconds and then he rolled his eyes.

“Stop it!” Cas laughed, “Stop being cute, I hate it.”

Dean frowned, “You hate it huh? What about if I beg for forgiveness?”

His tone was all seduction and promise.

“Is that a flirtation Mr Winchester?” Cas asked, deadpan.

“If you want it to be…” Dean growled as he lowered himself back to his knees in front of Cas.

Cas’ breath caught as Dean pushed his weight between Cas’ thighs and slid strong hands up the outside of his legs. The move took them around the sides to his ass and what Dean could reach he did. The squeeze was light due to the slide of the material but Cas’ eyes still fluttered closed. He relished it for a whole minute before making eye contact. The delicious looking man was offering himself on a platter.

“As much as I want to give in I won’t be held to sexual ransom or distracted, tell me what happened.”

Dean smiled tightly and moved back to his chair. He huffed hard and rested his elbows on his knees, hands clasped.

Cas watched him move, he was so beautiful, almost unreal sometimes, how was he his again? Frowning, Dean looked up, only his eyes almost like a sad child.

“Spill,” Cas ordered and Dean shivered. Cas was pretty sure it was the order, not the cool air that caused it.

Dean dropped his head and started talking. He explained the whole conversation and halfway through Cas stood and started pacing.

“That dick.” he cursed then froze and looked at Dean. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry that shouldn’t have happened, not where you work.”

Dean’s head snapped up, “Don’t you dare apologize for that asshat.” he stood and walked over to Cas and wrapped him in a tight hug. They stayed like that for a long time as Dean whispered sweet nothings into this ear. Dean’s hand was on his lower back pulling him into the embrace, the other was on the back of his neck. Their bodies were flush against each other. Cas bare chest was being caressed by the silk blend of Deans shirt. It was so nice. He held Dean tight with both hands around his waist feeling all that hard muscle under the shirt. Cas relaxed a fraction, Dean was his safe place.

“He is nothing and you are everything. Don't forget that.” Dean said as he pulled away.

“My past will never go away will it?” Cas asked as Dean tugged him gently through the open doors into the luxury hotel room.

“Maybe, maybe not but it doesn't make any difference to me.” he smiled turning to look at him, “You could be a Demon and I’d still want you.”

Cas froze, “What about an angel?”

Dean grinned, “You’re already an angel Cas, my angel. You saved me.”

Cas laughed, he was being stupid. He was human now; Dean never needed to know what he’d been before. Squeezing Dean’s hand he let himself be led into the lounge. It was ten in the evening and was still partially light outside. The twilight was enough to see by so they didn’t turn on any lights as Dean pulled him to the bedroom.

The bed was huge, the floral bedspread pattern was tasteful rather than garish. When you pay exorbitant fees for a hotel you expect the best. Cas let himself be yanked onto the soft sheets and smiled as he crawled towards dean who was on to his back.

Lust and playful longing filled Dean’s eyes.

“You know what would make this better?” Cas asked.

“Fewer clothes?” Dean asked suggestively.

“Well, that and Champagne?”

Dean laughed and rolled off the bed undoing his shirt as he went. Cas watched like his life depended on it. He watched Dean's fingers work the awkward buttons out of their holes. He examined the way the material gaped with each tug. Delight filled him with each tiny glimpse of skin. When Dean tugged the shirt out of his trousers flashing stomach, Cas gulped, hard. This never got dull, never got old. The shirt hung two thirds open as Dean popped the very expensive champagne. Pouring two glasses he turned and walked seductively toward the bed.

“Cas, not for nothing, but the last person who looked at me like that... I got laid” Dean breathed out, his Texan accent making an appearance.

Cas didn't know what look was on his face but he felt the need, the pull, the craving was overwhelming. The accent pushed him further over the edge, it was so hot. He wanted Dean on his knees more than anything else he had ever wanted in his life.

“That’s something I think I can accommodate,” Cas said in his most professional voice. 

Dean placed the champagne on the side and met Cas at the edge of the bed. Cas’ cock was a solid throbbing heat between his legs. Dean rubbed his own dick in a brief caress as he knelt on the beige carpet. Cas heart started to pound in his chest as he lent back to let dean move the elastic of his pants. The silk caressed him as it moved and the shudder was all-encompassing. His dick fell free and Dean caught it with his mouth, taking it in one slow, torturous suck. Cas moaned wordlessly but was thinking, 'Oh dear god'. His eyes rolled back in his head and he relaxed back onto his arms but he still wanted to watch Dean if he could, it was a struggle. Dean’s large hand wrapped around his hard, now wet cock and he squeezed.

“Fuck.” Cas breathed out and Dean laughed.

“Not yet. I wanna savour all this.”

Cas nodded, at least he thought he did. The waves of pleasure radiating from his groin were all consuming. Dean paused for a second and then Cas felt cool slick pressure on his ass. He had to change the angle he was sitting at. He bent his knee and rolled slightly to the side. Dean followed as his mouth found Cas’ cock once more while two thick fingers pushed into his ass.

“Agh, Dean...Shit...That's so good.” He grabbed a pillow to support his weight as he was sucked and finger fucked into oblivion. The stretch in his ass was perfect as Dean sucked and licked at his cock. He took a second to slide his hand up and down, giving his jaw a rest then went right back to it.

“Jesus…”

“You like that babe?” Dean asked as he thrust the fingers inside his tight hole faster.

“I’m not going to last…” Cas moaned out between gritted teeth.

“Good. I want you to cum for me.”

The edge was right there and Cas was pushed over it as Dean ran his teeth lightly over his head. His hips bucked as his prostate tingled and his sticky load released into that gorgeous mouth. Cas rolled onto his back gasping for air as Dean moved to clean up.

“That was…” Cas panted and reached for his champagne. “I have no words for that Dean.”

Dean grinned as he washed his hands in the en-suite.

Cas’s pants had come off and he lay naked in bed as Dean finished up and made his way back to him.

The hotel phone rang and they both exchanged a look. The hotel almost never called.

Dean leaned over and picked it up carrying it to the bed and sat next to Cas.

“Mr Allison? The deep voice with the French accent spoke over the phone. Cas could hear the conversation loud and clear.

“Yes,” Dean answered to his alias.

“This is the front desk. I suggest you look at your phone sir. The authorities have been trying to contact you for some time with regards to your brother.”

Dean breath caught in his throat as he replaced the phone.

“Where’s your phone Cas? Where’s mine?”

Cas leapt from the bed and ran outside to the terrace. He picked up his phone up at the same time Dean got his. Dean scrolled through the messages and Cas felt sick, his love had gone white. Before he could ask, Dean was dialling.

“Dad?” Dean asked he was all business with the edge of panic. There was talking but Cas couldn’t make it out. Dean almost sobbed and then nodded. “Okay. Yeah, Cas is here. Okay, I will. You too.”

Dean sagged and Cas hugged him.

“Dean, what’s happening?”

“Sammy was in an accident we need to to get to the hospital. Eileen too… Dad is sending an email over with the details.”

Cas’ heart was in his throat.

“Are they okay?”

Dean shrugged, “I...No one knows, no one will tell anyone anything with Sam being so famous…”

“Okay, which hospital? I’ll get us the limo it’ll be faster than a taxi.”

Dean was in shock and Cas shook him gently, “Dean you need shoes okay? We have to go.”

Cas ran to the bedroom and looked at his phone, accessing the email that Dean’s father had forwarded to them both. He'd known Cas would be there. He was sure the general had to at least suspect them as a couple, he treated them like one. Shrugging off his thoughts he called down to the hotel and got the limo sorted. Then dragged on sweats and grabbed his emergency bag. Dean was putting on his shoes as Cas ran back into the lounge.

“You ready?” He asked, “They’re pulling the limo around now. Here put your shades in your pocket in case the press already have wind of this. Let's go.”

Cas hugged Dean tight, "It’ll be okay. It will I promise."

Dean nodded and let himself be dragged from the room.

He will be okay Cas thought, he has to be.


	4. Just a little broken

Dean’s ears were ringing, Cas’ lips were moving but he couldn't hear a goddamn thing.

“Dean, we’re here.” Cas tried a little more forcefully and finally, it got through.

“We’re at the hospital, come on.” Cas tugged his shirt, “Dean, come on okay we have to go.”

Dean moved but it was like swimming through mud.

“Dean, I need to you pull yourself together!” Cas yelled and his voice echoed around the dim limousine as he frowned.

“You never yell,” Dean said as he looked at Cas who smiled reassuringly.

“The Press is here my love. You have to put your game face on, for Sammy. Okay? For me?”

Dean watched his man, studied his face and shook himself. He could do this, for them.

“Okay, Cas. I’m sorry. Dad, he sounded… I’ve never heard that in his voice. He told me he loved me…”

Cas’ eyes went wide, “He hasn’t said that in a long time…”

Dean shook his head. Cas hugged his partner and kissed his cheek.

“We don't know what we're walking into but I swear to you, if it’s within my power I will fix this for you.”

Dean nodded again and took a deep shuddering breath. Cas gave him his shades and put them on. It was the middle of the night but paparazzi flashes were like the sun going off in your face. Also, he didn't think he could smile and wave and the shades would help with both.  
Cas could, he did this for a living, the acting. He’d smile if he was dying inside but Dean simply couldn't act that well.

Cas stepped out first and took the brunt of the questions while grabbing his D&G bag with all the essentials in. He was always so prepared and right now Dean thanked every god he of knew for this man.  
Tom and Saj were right by the door. Tom was a mountain of a man and Dean’s bodyguard; he was from Texas and had a broad accent he could switch off at will. Saj was a shorter but still stocky Indian guy who guarded Cas. Dean had never seen anyone blend in with a crowd like those two or kick ass quite as well. Tom was an ex-marine and knew Dean’s dad. Saj was recruited through Tom; they’d fought somewhere dark and dangerous together. Dean and Cas were together a lot and having bodyguards who knew each other was only going to be an asset. Sometimes he did listen to his father; honest.

The men didn't look at either of their charges. They stared into the paparazzi and blocked the onslaught. This is what happened when you had three famous people all in the same family who were famous in different ways. The media interest was insane.

After several requests for statements and being pushed, they were finally inside. The hospital's security secured the doors and seemed to be managing the insanity well.

A doctor, a petite woman of Asian descent introduced herself as Dr Acelynn Kae, Ace or Dr Kae she clarified. Cas introduced them both and she walked them to the private wing of the hospital on the fourth floor.

Dean zoned out as they moved. The elevator was a blur and he missed the change from functional to decorative. His insides were churning but the emotions felt like they were separate from him as if trapped behind frosted glass. The doctor ushered them into a comfortable lounge room which was a variety of neutral shades. Cas asked Tom and Raj to stay outside while they were updated, not that they would have entered the room anyway. One would always guard the door.

Cas’ presence could make people act weird but the Doctor was polite and professional. Dean’s face had a similar effect but most people knew him in association with Cas rather than from fashion. Though, in Paris, he was recognised more than anywhere else because of his work. If she was affected by either of them it didn’t show and she adjusted her white coat as she sat. 

The room was comfortable, with large windows which were covered in expensive drapes. The sofa they dropped into was soft brown leather which screamed money. Sam had the very best care and Dean relaxed a little at the knowledge. The doctor flashed a reassuring smile then crossed her legs. Dean glanced at Cas who had a similar one on his face.

“I’m so sorry that we couldn’t release any details over the phone.” She apologised, her accent making the words soft.

“We understand, can you tell us what's happening?” Cas asked politely but with an edge of desperation. Dean wanted to scream at her but managed to refrain.

“Of course. Mr Winchester, Sam, is in recovery after surgery. The car flipped into a wall and his side was crushed. Thankfully his torso took most of the damage and we have been able to fix everything. He has a severe concussion so we are keeping him sedated for the moment. Mr Winchester?” Dean was staring at her intently, “Your brother is going to be fine. Miss Leahy is in recovery. We had to reconstruct her hand. Again with physiotherapy, she should regain the majority if not all the use of it.”

Dean was having a hard time processing but Cas hugged him and he snapped back into himself. For the first time since the hotel room, he felt present.

“He’ll be okay?” Dean asked and the Doc nodded. The relief still wasn't penetrating the emotional white noise. Being in shock was such a bitch.

“Yes Dean, he will be fine. They both will.” she clarified.

"Do you know what happened to Jack, the driver?" Cas asked, "He's a family friend."

"The driver? He was fine, a few scratches but nothing serious." 

Cas sighed with relief then asked, "Can we see Sam? Is that alright?" 

The Doc smiled and nodded.

One of the perks of being mega rich and mega famous, you could do pretty much what you liked. In this case, it meant no visiting time restrictions.

Cas stepped out first and informed Tom and Raj that his brother and Eileen would be fine. It was a courtesy that Dean would have forgotten. They looked relieved and Dean thanked the god he didn't believe in again for Cas, he was always so thoughtful.

A short woman with blond hair was pacing the corridor like a demon.

Cas walked over to her and they hugged then exchanged words as they walked back towards Dean. She threw herself at him and wrapped herself around his waist.

“Dean, hunni, oh my gosh this is so fucking awful. Cas said they’ll be okay?” Meg asked and Dean nodded.

Meg turned to Cas, “I'll call your folks now and get the medical records to our people for a second opinion. Then get the NDA’s as well so you guys can relax while you're here.”

“Thanks, Meg,” Cas said, his tone held so much love for her it made Dean’s chest ache, she really was a lifesaver. He turned to Tom and Raj, "You can go guys. We'll be alright here. I'll let you know when we're up and where we are tomorrow so you can come back okay?" 

"Sure Cas." Tom, the more talkative of the two said. Raj nodded and they left.

“This way Mr Winchester, Mr Novak.” The Doc prompted and they followed her into what looked like a hotel room. Sam was hooked up to machines and Dean felt a sob rise. He swallowed hard and moved over to one of a pair of armchairs by the bedside.

He took Sam’s hand and stared at his pale brother.

“Hey, Sammy.” He swallowed the sob, “Doc says you’re going to be fine, which is awesome because I’m going to kick your ass for scaring me so bad.”

Cas chuckled, taking a seat.

“Can we have a minute?” Cas asked the Doc.

“Of course. Miss Leahy is next door and there are guest rooms at the end of the hall should you want to stay for the duration.”

Cas nodded, “Meg Masters is our liaison she will deal with any paperwork you may need.”

“Thank you Mr Novak.” she left and closed the door behind her.

Cas dropped the facade as the door closed and tears welled immediately.

“I don't know how you do that…” Dean whispered as he squeezed Sam’s hand.

“I know.” Cas snuggled into Dean, “He’s going to be fine. Thank god.”

“We need to find out what happened, can you text Meg?” Dean looked at Cas’ face, “She’s already contacting the cops isn't she?”

Cas smiled, “Always one step ahead,” and he rested his head on Dean’s shoulder.

Dean let himself relax as tears ran down Cas’ face. What a day. He needed to sleep for a week.

“Shall we go check on Eileen?” Dean asked. Eileen was everything to Sam and he'd expect Dean to check on her as soon as possible. She was also one of his best friends and he was eager to see her. Now that he knew Sam was okay he felt better. 

Cas checked his phone and smiled.

“Everything okay?” Dean asked as he straightened his shirt.

“Yes. The NDA’s have been distributed we’re as safe as we're going to be.”

“She really is an angel.” Dean sighed, “Non-disclosure is such a pain in the ass. I wouldn't have thought of it. I’m sorry I was so useless…”

Cas wrapped him up in the first real hug since all this started. He gripped his fists into the material of Cas’ t-shirt and broke. The huge rolling tears were a mix of pain and relief.

“I don't know what I’d do if I lost Sam…”

“I know, me either.” Cas choked as tears fell on Dean’s shoulder.

“I love you Cas, you are so great,” he said pulling back then rested his forehead against the shorter man's.

Cas smiled, “You’re not too bad yourself Dean.” Which made him laugh through the tears and he sighed. Cas took Dean hands for a moment before they left the room to go see Eileen.

The room next door was a mirror of Sam’s and she was groggy but awake when they arrived.

“Hey she said without signing, her left hand was a mess of pins; it looked like she was being tortured.

Dean winced, “Hey, you okay?”

Cas glanced at him as if to say ‘obviously she’s not okay’.

He shrugged and turned to Eileen as they sat by the bed.

“I’m fine, I’m on some serious medication right now.” she grinned. Dean took her hand, the one that didn't look like it’d been through a tenderiser. looking at her churned his stomach but it was easier than looking at Sam, he’d been avoiding looking at Sammy. She was banged up, her right eye was bruised and swollen, it looked painful. The cuts and grazes were shallow but seemed as if they were everywhere.

“What happened?” Cas asked softly, then leaned into Dean’s shoulder.

She sighed, “I don't know. We were on the way back to the hotel and then Jack yelled that the car wouldn’t stop and to brace ourselves. He barely got the words out before we hit the wall. I think it was a wall.”

Cas nodded, “That’s what we were told.”

“Sam. They said he'll be fine… I’ve never been so scared in my life. He looked dead Dean...he...” she started to cry, huge relief filled sobs.

Dean stood and wrapped himself around her as best he could and Cas took her hand. Jesus, what a mess. He stroked and patted her hair, whispering reassurances that Sam would be fine. She finally calmed about ten minutes later and Cas passed her tissues and a glass of water. She sniffled and tried to compose herself.

“Hey, once he’s awake and stable we’ll look at getting you flown home okay?” Cas said and she nodded.

The knock on the door was firm and they answered together.

The tall athletic built black man smiled as he walked in. Dean had grown up around military and law enforcement and spotted him as a detective. It was the smile, all professional courtesy and regret for their situation.  
Dean’s profession didn’t allow him any ignorance when it came to style and he assessed the man’s outfit. The Levi jeans were worn but pressed and were paired with a black t-shirt and worn yet comfortable shoes; this man was practical. Comfort was the vibe he gave off and when he smiled laughter lines marred his face. Dean guessed he was in his late forties, he was handsome in the way that 'old school James Bond' kind of way. The grey at his temples made him seem distinguished but personable and despite his height, he didn't seem intimidating; though few people were intimidating to Dean.

“Hello. My name is Detective Pierre Barthès and I’m investigating your case, Miss Leahy,” he said with that kind smile.

“Thank you, officer.” She spoke and his eyes winded but only a fraction. Dean spotted it because he always looked for people’s reactions to Eileen, his protective side always kicked in.

Dean’s jaw fell when the officer signed ‘Hello’ and she used her good hand to reply. Pierre sighed if she would like him to speak ASL or verbally and she said verbally would be better. She couldn’t sign back right now and it was upsetting her. Dean could see it in her face.

“Very well.” He walked towards the bed and Dean sat back next to Cas.

“Eileen? May I call you Eileen?” he asked, his accent rolling over her name making it elegant.

She nodded and he continued.

“Do you know anyone that would want to hurt you or your fiancé?”

Dean felt his eyebrows hit his hairline.

“We were told it was an accident?” Cas said, equally as shocked.

“Unfortunately not. It seems as though the car was tampered with purposefully. The breaks had been partially severed so they would fail during the journey.”

“Oh Dean, you could have been hurt too Eileen whispered.”

The detective turned to him, “You were in the car, Mr Winchester?”

“Yes, I got out about ten minutes after we left the show, my hotel was closer than theirs.”

The detective frowned, “Can I ask why you did not all stay at the same hotel?”

Dean smiled, “Sam had decided last minute to come with Eileen. He wanted to make a romantic week of it but my hotel was already full. With it being fashion week and all. Our friend was able to get them a room at the Ritz.”

“Ah, I see.” Pierre said, “Were you expected somewhere else after the... erm...show?”

“I walk for YSL, I'm a model.” Dean clarified at the unasked question, and then he thought about it. “Yes, I was supposed to go back to the Ritz for a photo op. I had a room booked there originally. The op got cancelled last minute and I had no reason to go back there. I prefer the Bristol so I got my suite reserved there instead.”

The detective frowned again, “But you said there were no rooms, why did your brother not take that one.”

Dean glanced at Cas, “I put Cas’ name on it instead.”

“So, Mr Novak and your brother were staying at the same hotel?”

Dean nodded, he didn't elaborate that it was for appearances. That Cas would go back to the Ritz, check in and then take a cab over to Dean's hotel. It wasn't something the detective needed to know.

“It wasn’t meant to hurt them,” Cas said abruptly and they all turned to look at him.

Dean frowned at him, “What? What are you-”

“Dean, that was my car. The one I was supposed to take back to my hotel but I got a taxi because of the rush outside the show. Meg got it reassigned to take you guys instead.” Cas swallowed hard, “That limo was meant for me, the accident… was meant for me.”


	5. Free to Be You and Me

Cas’ heart was racing and he felt sick. Someone had tried to kill him and they’d hit his family in the crossfire. The Winchesters had been in his life for a long time and they were the only family he’d ever had.

“I’m going to throw up.” Eileen moaned but when Dean passed the bowl she swallowed hard and it passed.

“Mr Novak, do you know why you would be a target, other than the obvious?”

Cas glanced at Dean, “I get hate mail all the time, my agent was recently hacked and it looked like they were searching for things on me, a way to get my personal information but it's all on an air-gapped server.”

“So they didn't succeed?”

“I didn't think they had but I got a text tonight while I was at the show from a number I didn't recognise. I should have thought more of it but I was… distracted by the event and forwarded it to my agent who sent it to our PI.”

“That’s what you were looking at?” Dean asked and Cas nodded.

The Detective had pulled up a chair somewhere during Cas’ explanation and was facing them from the end of the bed.

“May I ask what it said?”

Cas glanced at Dean, “I know you're fucking the supermodel.”

Dean's eyes went wide.

“Right, thank you. Your PI will liaise with us I assume?”

“Yes,” Cas whispered still trying to wrap his head around the whole mess.

Dean was holding his hand. When had Dean started holding his hand? He looked at the man in question who wrapped his fingers between Cas’ and smiled.

Dean glanced at the Detective, “You signed an NDA?”

The Detective noticed their hands and smiled, it was a flicker of lips, “I see no reason to disclose anything that isn’t relevant.”

Dean nodded and Cas sighed. It was so good to feel Dean’s skin on his.

“Can you think of any other issue or instances that have been out of the ordinary?”

They both shook their heads but Eileen interrupted their answer, “Yeah, The fight with Gabriel that was weird.”

Dean glanced at her, “I suppose but it was just a difference of opinion. “  
“Can you elaborate Mr Winchester?”

Dean sighed, “He insinuated my- that Cas was…” he gritted his teeth and tried to compose himself, it’d been a long day. Cas knew Dean's temper was simmering from all the stress and now having to relive that moment, well, It wasn’t easy for him.

“He called him a whore and I thought his opinion needed correcting.”

The detective smiled but the shock showed in the eyebrow raise, “So it was a verbal altercation?”

Eileen interrupted again, “Sam hit him not Dean.”

The detective looked at her, “He will confirm this when he wakes?”

Eileen laughed, “It’s all over the internet.”

The detective frowned and then realized who he was talking to and adjusted his questions.

“Mr Novack, do you feel these two events are linked?”

Cas considered it, “No. Gabriel is a jerk and he likes to annoy people but no. I have so much hate mail that is worse than anything he’s ever said. So no I don’t think it has anything to do with it.”

Pierre nodded, “That’s fine we’ll work with your PI and if we have any further questions we’ll contact you.”

“Thank you, officer,” Dean said before Cas could.

Once he left Cas started to shake. Someone had made a very real attempt to kill him.

“Dean. I think I need to go and sit somewhere, maybe try and sleep.” He said knowing there would be almost no possibility of that while he was this shaken.

Dean hugged him tight and nodded into his shoulder. “Sure. There are rooms here, we’ll crash, it’s nearly dawn we should try to sleep.”

The knock on the door startled them and the person didn't wait for an answer before entering.

“Meg,” Cas said as she walked in. “Is everything okay?”

She nodded, “Yeah, it’s just Dean, your Mom’s been calling nonstop, she needs to speak to you.”

Dean nodded, “I’ll get this, Cas you wanna fill Meg in?”

Cas smiled, “Okay Dean.”

His man leaned in and kissed his cheek. Cas watched as Dean stood and took out his phone, his mom picked up on the first ring and as Dean explained everything so did Cas to Meg. She was horrified.

“We’re staying here tonight but you should go back to the hotel.” He told Meg and she agreed. She was more efficient in front of her laptop than here.

Dean ended his call by passing the phone to Cas, Mary was upset but not crying as he put it to his ear.

“Cas, are you okay sweetheart?” She asked and Cas felt tears rise but didn't want to cry, Mary had enough to deal with.

“I’m okay Mary, shaken but I’m okay,” Cas reassured her and looked at Dean who seemed shell-shocked for the second time tonight. Cas grabbed his hand. The look he gave him was ‘What happened now?’ but Dean shrugged like he didn’t have the words. He simply gestured to the phone.

“That’s good Cas, that's good. Are you boys looking after one another?” She asked.

“Yes. Sam is going to be fine and you know I’ll always be here for Dean and Eileen as well.”

“You're such a good man Castiel; you’re such a good fit for my son. I was just saying to John how lucky you two are, you just fit. I said to Dean that we knew you were keeping it from the media but this thing with Sammy-” her voice broke, “That we wanted to let you know how relieved we are that they have you, that Dean has you through all this. She sighed, “I’m sorry, I-I’m rambling I’m so worried about my boys Cas. We’re getting the first flight out. Can Meg get us a room?”

Cas was stunned. He lost all his words.

“Cas, are you there? This damn connection…”

“No, I’m here. I’m… sorry. You can have my room at the Ritz. I’ll be at the Bristol with Dean.”

Dean met Cas gaze with wide eyes and Cas shrugged, in for a dime and all that.

“Of course! That makes sense, yes we’ll do that.” She kept talking but wasn't speaking to Cas, “John! We can stay in Cas’ room at the Ritz.” She paused for a reply, “No John he’s staying with Dean at the Bristol.” she paused again, “Well, of course, it’s a waste but it’s a necessity for their work until they’re ready-” Mary huffed, “Cas, I’m sorry honey, you know how he is-” She went back to talking to John, sounding less upset and more ‘laughing at her husband’ by the minute, “John, you know Cas has more money than God. Well, I know that he doesn’t need to waste it- Well if they have kids I’m sure they’ll have a trust- John our son is in the hospital is this really- I know you’re distracting yourself- No, I know- John I’m still on with Cas, can I finish the call please?”

Huffing again, Cas could hear the smile as she came back to him. “Cas? Tell Dean we’re going to book the first flight out and we’ll be there in a day or so.”

“Mary, I’ll get Meg to arrange a private jet. Please? The sooner you can get here, the better.”

“Oh Cas no, we couldn't do that- John, he wants us to fly privately-”

The phone muffled and then a male voice came on the line, “Castiel?”

“John,” Cas said, it was rigid and unsure, he really didn't know how to deal with this.

“How much quicker is the private jet?”

Cas smiled, “Less than half the time at least.”

“Do it-." He said, then "No Mary. You said it, he’s got more money than God and it’ll get us to Sammy boy quicker. I’m in.”

The phone exchanged hands again and Mary was back. “Okay Cas, get Meg to send over the details and we’ll see you soon. Tell Eileen and my boy I love them both. I love you Cas, you’ve always been like a son to me.”

“Thank you, Mary, we’ll see you soon.” Cas ended the call and sat stunned. What had just happened? Dean was pacing like someone possessed. “Dean… What just happened?”

“Apparently they’ve known for years but Dad was going to therapy to deal with stuff and now he’s better and dealing with the PTSD… he apologised... for the last few years, he said he wasn't dealing… now he can be supportive... I...”

Cas nodded, “Yeah."Then yawned.

What an insane day. “Dean, I really need to sleep.” He sighed, “Meg can you get his parents on the first jet out here?”

“Sure. Did you say they’re going to have your room at the Ritz?”

Cas nodded, still in shock.

“Wow, what a day.” She looked at Eileen, “Sweetie, do you need anything?”

“No thank you, Meg. I’m okay, stunned, confused but okay. Sam is going to be pissed he missed this.”

Dean laughed and ran his hands through his hair which was now a wreck from all the times he’d done that in the last hour.

“I so need to sleep,” Dean added as he grabbed Cas’ hand. “Come on let’s go find a bed.”

“TMI!” Meg and Eileen said together, both laughing.

“Shut up.” Dean chastised as he smiled and leaned in to kiss Eileen's forehead.

“We’ll see you tomorrow okay?” Cas asked and Eileen nodded.

“Meg, can you make sure they know we’ve turned in just in case anything happens with Sam?”

“Sure hon. Consider it done.” She hugged them both before they turned to leave.

Dean pulled him out the door, then opened Sam’s and looked in on him, he seemed the same. Cas felt the exhaustion creep up his face and yawned.

The corridor was all muted shades of grey, tasteful yet functional. The guest suites were numbered and ‘Winchester’ was written on the glass whiteboard on both numbers one and two. They chose number one and walked in. The room was decorated like a four-star hotel, twin beds were pushed together to make a double and Cas was so exhausted he nearly collapsed. Dean clicked on a lamp and turned off the overhead light. Cas took his bag off and opened it on the table to the right of the bed.

“What a day.” Dean sighed.

Cas messed around and searched through the bag and Dean crept up behind him then slid his arms around his waist. Cas automatically closed his eyes and leaned back into his man. Dean snuggled into Cas’ neck and sighed.

Cas smiled, “Oh yeah. Here, he’s a charger, plug your phone in.”

“That bag is like a Tardis.”Dean laughed, “What else you got in there?”

“Things. Just plug in your phone so we can sleep and lock the door.”

Dean smiled, it was soft and wanting, “I just want you next to me, naked. I missed you.”

“Me too.”

They stripped quickly and rolled into the sheets. Cas faced Dean as they lay in the blue wash of material that was surprisingly soft. Reaching out, he took Deans face and pulled him in for a kiss, it was heaven. The light press followed by long slow, deep kisses helped him to relax.

Dean pulled away first and stroked Cas’ face. “Thanks, Cas, for you know…”

Cas nodded, “Anything. You’re my family.”

Dean yawned and his eyes started to close, Cas smiled as he did the same. Hopefully, tomorrow would be a better day.


	6. Fallen idols

Dean tossed in bed as the light pushing through the curtains finally woke him. Opening his eyes to Cas as he lay naked was amazing. He lay facing the wall with the sheets between his legs and Dean stared at all that ass, taking it in. The tan, the curved, the pert lift of his cheeks...his cock twitched. Fuck, he wanted that, so badly... and he almost reached out and stroked down his spine. 'It will wake him' his brain warned. Yesterday had been so hard on Cas, so he thought better of it and rolled over for his phone. Damn that sensible voice.

There were dozens of messages, some from Meg, some from his folks, others from friends asking if Sam was okay. Shit, it was midday, they’d finally crashed at what three or four am? Rubbing his face he edged slowly from the bed so as not to wake Cas and then went to the ensuite; grabbing Cas’ bag and yesterday's clothes. Then he decided it would be better to check his messages before he changed.

The charter flight had been delayed due to bad weather and would be here at 15:00. Meg had confirmed a limo for his folks that would take them to the Ritz and then here. Or here and then the Ritz, depending on what they wanted to do. Meg also advised that they needed to do a press release, well she said Dean but Cas was with them and people would be talking. Dean replied his thanks for taking the lead. Eileen doubled as his agent but she was in no state to deal with this, though he did have emails from her. He opened them and she’d already sent draft statements, laughing he turned on the modest shower; could that woman ever just rest?

He searched Cas’ magic bag for his stuff, yep, underwear. They both wore the same style so Cas’ had packed a handful. They were all various shades of orange and Dean smiled at his strange boyfriend. Cas thought orange was lucky, Dean thought it was… bright. There were clothes, a clean t-shirt and he took one. He didn’t add sweatpants because he’d rather face the world in Chanel. The black t-shirt was a v-neck and would do, for now as the white shirt from yesterday was dirty around the neck.

The shower was hot, he washed swiftly and then dressed. He did his hair out of habit and then checked his phone again. Meg had called, so he returned it as he put his black Chanel shoes back on.

“Dean!” She answered after the third ring, “Is everything alright there?”

Dean smiled, she was always so enthusiastic, “Yeah. I need to go check on Sammy. Cas is sleeping. What can I do for you?”

“Okay, I’ll be brief. The police are still investigating. Your parents will be landing in a few hours. I need you and Cas to both release statements because the press knows Cas didn't leave last night. Also, the hotel called me to ask if you would like the room for another week, I confirmed that would be best. What with Sam and everything? Cas’ statement is in his email, Eileen has sent yours, we have conferred and they match. Once you confirm we’ll put it out on Twitter and the media will do the rest.”

Dean nodded absentmindedly as he packed his stuff away, “That’s great Meg, thanks. I’ll confirm with Cas’ and then we can get that done for you.”

“Okay, Dean. Oh and Jack is fine, I called him, he was upset but okay. He’s flying back to the states and wanted me to say thank you for letting him drive around Paris.“

Dean smiled. The twenty-five-year-old drove professionally and was training for formula one. There was nothing that kid couldn't drive and he’d love the idea of playing limo driver. He’d had the licences so why not? With all this though Dean couldn’t help but feel responsible.

“Dean. It’s not your fault. You didn't know this would happen and he’s fine.”

“I know. This is just such a mess.” he sighed, she knew him too well.

“Dean?” Cas’ voice came from the bedroom.

“Meg, Cas is up I’ll message you back later.”

“Sure, let me know how Sam is?” She asked.

“Yeah, Thanks Meg.” and he ended the call.

“Babe, I’m in the bathroom.”

The door opened and Cas’ stood there leaning on the door frame wearing nothing.

Dean smiled, “Is it my birthday?”

Cas grinned, “Only if I get to be the cake.”

Laughing, Dean grabbed him for a kiss. “I’ll eat you any time, just let me know.”

They stood wrapped around each other for a few minutes before Dean pulled away.

“You’re so fucking hot Novak it’s killing me…” Dean growled.

Cas looked up and bit his lip and Dean growled harder, “Fuck. That’s not fair I just showered.” His cock twitched and the urge to strip and take his lover was overwhelming.

Cas’ laughed and kissed Dean’s nose playfully, “Go check on Sam, I can see it’s causing you stress. You’ll get wrinkles and then I’ll have to trade you in…”

Dean’s eyes went wide and he chuckled, “Oh you will, will you?”

“Yes,” Cas said as he moved past him and went for the toilet.

Dean grinned, “Why joke? You know even old and wrinkled I’d still be adorable. You have to love this face.” he pulled his best cute face and Cas shuddered.

“Stop it.” he laughed, “I should shower.”

“Oh, We need to sign off on a statement. Did you check your phone?” Dean said as he opened the email from Eileen.

“Yes, I checked yours as well and it’s almost the same as mine. Do you want to tell her we confirm?”

“Yeah, I’ll send it now,” Dean said as he read the statement. It was the usual. Please respect the family's privacy, Sam is stable, blah blah. He replied to Eileen and copied in Meg. Then sent several replies on social media to some friends who had messaged. That done he kissed Cas and left to go check on Sam.

The private wing was quiet and Dean didn't see anyone on his way down the corridor. Sammy was still sleeping when he went in and Dean decided to stay for a while. He sat, took Sam’s hand and smiled. He loved his brother so much, he really did. Sam had been the one to encourage him to date Cas. Even though everyone who knew he was, well, heteroflexible, thought it was a bad idea. Cas had a past.

Dean knew that better than anyone, he ’d found him on the bathroom floor at a fashion show. He’d been half dead from a heroin overdose and that was nearly a decade ago now. Dean had been modelling in magazines for YSL but hadn't done runway, he wasn't that well known but Cas, Cas was a superstar.

Every movie that Cas had starred in was a hit and he’d been acting since he was twelve. There had been rumours about drugs but no one had ever confirmed it but there it was, proof. Lying in a pool of drool on the cold, hard floor of a convention hall bathroom. A belt pulled tight around his thin arm and a needle on the floor, it was a shock. Dean thought Cas was dead and started calling an ambulance. Then the weirdest thing had happened, a miracle really, Cas’ woke up. All his colour came back, he blinked up at Dean from the floor and smiled.

“Jimmy, are you okay man?” Dean had asked.

“My name is Castiel,” Jimmy said and Dean became confused. This was Jimmy Novak, child star, megastar and well everything.

“Right… I think the drugs are still pumping dude.”

“No, I…” he frowned, “I changed my name. I mean, I am changing my name. Please Call me Castiel?”

Dean smiled, “Okay. How about Cas?.”

Castiel smiled and nodded.

“Can you walk?” Dean asked and Cas nodded again.

Dean had helped him; he’d given him his phone number and thought nothing of it. Maybe he thought of him when he watched one of the guys' movies or saw him on a billboard, or a commercial or at a party. He’d been a little infatuated, the guy was hot and Dean was a huge fan. Dean knew Cas had to deal with his issues but after that, he got strong, healthy... he did an underwear piece for Calvin Klein. That had been a shock; walking into Bloomingdales and seeing Castiel near naked in briefs fifteen feet high, all smouldering with a sexy crooked smile. He'd stared for so long at the picture that Eileen and the checkout girl had also joined him. Eileen knew he was a little interested, Sam had told her but she covered well.

"Dean?" she'd asked as she walked over.  
He'd nodded but didn't move. The cashier, Sydney, had walked over with her to make sure he was alright.  
"Is that the shoot you turned down?" Eileen asked casually.  
Dean snapped back to the room then, "Yeah. Sorry... Yes. I was just admiring the work."  
"The 'work' is exquisite isn't it?" she smiled, "The lines and the composition are... striking."  
He nodded as he was absorbed into Cas' eyes, the photographer had left them blue on the black and white shot. Were his eyes that blue? Dean couldn't remember and he kept staring as he tried to think.  
"He was in here the other day." Sydney chimed in.  
Dean's head snapped around, "What?"  
"Yeah we did something, I think we hosted their new underwear line and he came in to do autographs. He's a fabulous actor and so kind..."  
Dean smiled, "Yeah."  
"...he's also that hot in real life." She smiled, "I tried to give him my number but he said he was in love with someone. Just like that. How sweet is that?" she gushed.

Dean's stomach fell and Dean watched like a madman in the press for weeks for any signs of a lover but Cas was always alone. Maybe he'd just said that to keep fans off his back?  
A year passed and Cas started popping up everywhere, always alone and always saying he was in love with someone. It was like the guy had cleaned up and found a new passion for acting, modelling, and charity work all in the same places Dean was. He was at every party, every function and Dean fell harder and harder. Cas seemed to avoid him and it only made Dean more interested in who this mystery love was. Sam had befriended Cas at this point but he wouldn't tell Sam either. It was driving him insane.

It was at a Halloween party in the Hollywood Hills that next year when Dean had finally spoken to Cas again. Dean had dressed as a devil, he always did and Cas had come as an angel, well kind of.

Dean had been leaning against the large windows of the home of a famous director and watching people. When Cas walked in the world stopped. The guy was wearing this seasons Gucci, the suit was bright white and fit like a glove. The wings he had on were exquisite; they were pure black, huge and looked real. Everyone looked, everyone stared as Cas made a beeline for Dean and he couldn’t help but watch every single step. It was like in those movies where everything happened in slow motion...

“Hello, Dean.” Cas had said with a shy smile.

Dean had smiled and replied “Hi.”

From there they discussed everything as they sat on the deck and watched the sunset in the stunning California sky.

“Why change your name?” Dean had asked when he felt he could. “Why Castiel?”

Cas had smiled and said, “An angel saved my life, he… let Jimmy... move on and have a new start. Castiel is who I am now.”

Dean smiled, it was a little spiritual but then he’d not been the one comatose on the floor.

“I like it… the name... and the wings...” Dean said, trying to stop himself adding sexy whisper to the words and failing.

“I like you,” Cas replied, his gaze conveying more than friendship.

"Wait, haven't I heard you're seeing someone?" Dean's heart was in his chest.

Cas smiled, "Sam told you I won't tell didn't he?"

Dean had blushed and nodded.

  
"I can't say because he doesn't know... and telling his brother before I told him seemed like a bad idea."

Dean's eyes went wide and Cas laughed.

  
"But we met once..." he whispered not sure how to take it or what to do.

  
"I knew from the moment I opened my eyes and saw you." Cas blushed, "but I don't expect anything from you, honestly I just... I would like to get to know you better..."

  
Dean wasn’t out by any stretch of the imagination but hadn't wanted it to end. He told Cas to call him, the rest was secret dates and sneaking around. Cas never seemed to mind. He'd ever suggested he wanted anyone or anything more than Dean was offering. Falling for Cas had been a slow and gradual thing but one day he’d realised he just couldn’t be without him. Cas was his light and his safe place, he always chose Dean over everything else.

Dean rubbed his head trying to clear the thoughts. Without Sam’s friendship with Cas, Dean probably wouldn't have what he did. Sam had sought the guy out, befriended him and declared him worthy. Sam had helped him plan dates and calmed him when he’d been terrified. Sam had been his rock.

“I love you, Sammy,” Dean whispered.

“Mr Winchester?” Came a voice and knock on the door, Dean’s head snapped up.

“Yeah?” he smiled automatically. Years of being in the public eye made it effortless.

The Doc from last night walked in and stopped at the end of the bed.

“How are you?” she asked.

Dean nodded, “Good. Tired but good.” he paused, “How is Sam?”

“He’s fine. We have taken him off the sedation and he should wake up in a few hours. There is no obvious brain damage and he is physically doing well. I have no concerns at this moment. I was doing a final check before went home for a few hours but I will be back at five to check on him.”

“Thank you.”

She checked the chart on her tablet and then left with a smile.

Dean decided to check on Eileen.

She had put her hair up and Dean was sure she’d had help because it looked good and not one-sided. Her hand was elevated and she had her phone in the other.

“Hey. Are you okay?” Dean asked as he knocked on the open door and walked in.

Her eyes were wide. Oh shit, he thought what now?

“Dean? Thank god.”

“What’s wrong?” He asked as his heart started to race.

“The doctor just told me and I’m freaking out, I… I don’t know what to do.”

“Eileen, tell me…” as he sat by her bed.

“I’m… I’m pregnant,” she said.


	7. Caged Heat

Cas received the text and got dressed faster than he had, ever. Dean’s message had him both concerned and intrigued. Grabbing his bag, he checked his hair in the mirror. As an angel, he hadn’t understood the human need to groom but being in this vessel, no, it was his body now. He got it more and more every day.

Walking to Eileen's room was swift and uneventful. Dean was sitting by her bedside. Clearly happier than the message had suggested and Cas frowned.

“Cas!” Dean yelled in his happy voice which had the frown vanishing and Cas grinning.

“What’s going on?” he asked as he sat next to Dean.

Eileen smiled, “I’m pregnant.”

Cas blinked, it was comically slow. “What? How? No… don’t, I mean, wow!”

Dean was grinning like a Cheshire cat, “We’re going to be uncles!”

Cas returned the grin, new life was always a blessing and seeing Dean this happy was a miracle

“Do you think Sam will be mad that I told you first? I just, with everything I needed to tell someone,” she said forlornly.

Dean took her hand, “No, he’ll get it. The big guy will be happy.”

Cas smiled, “Dean’s right. He’ll be excited.”

“I really hope so. We weren't trying, you know but if it happened and now, with everything…” she frowned

“Stop okay, it’s great. Something good came out of this trip and we all needed that.” Dean chastised but it was also kind and full of love.

Cas’ mind flicked back to what Mary had said on the phone about them having children. Cas hadn’t even thought about it because love, human love, was so new, even this many years down the line. Of course, they could adopt, Cas would like that. Maybe he should ask Dean about it? Maybe he would.

“How's Sam?” Cas asked as he rested his head on Dean's shoulder. Touching him was something he could only describe as heavenly and he’d been there. It was quite the comparison.

“The doctor said he should wake up in a few hours, in time for the folks to get here,” Eileen said. She paused, possibly deciding on whether to ask the next question. “How are you guys after last night, with the parents and the revelation?”

Dean frowned, “I think I’m good. Cas?”

“Confused I think, but there's so much going on at the moment I’m not sure how to feel or think. Or anything really” he said lifting his head from Dean.

Dean took his hand, “It’s some weird shit.”

They all laughed and Eileen smiled, “Well at least when Sam is awake we can ask the doctors about flying home. I really wanna get back to the ranch if I’m going to be sitting around; at least the view is nice.”

Dean smiled, “Yeah. We’ll look into it once she signs off.”

“Dean? Weren't you supposed to do a shoot today?” Cas asked as he checked his calendar.

“Yeah.” he said, “But I got Eileen to cancel, I think I’m done for this trip.”

Cas smiled, “Sure, shall we go to the hotel for a while? Get lunch?”

“Sounds good. I need a cheeseburger.”

Eileen's eyes went wide, “Just the one, you’ve still got a contract and you have an underwear shoot in two weeks.”

Dean laughed, “Ever my agent.”

“Yes, I am.” she smiled, “Now go eat, we’ll be fine.”

Cas stood, kissed her on the head and Dean followed.

The press was waiting for them and so were Tom and Raj. Cas had messaged them when he got out of the shower and here they were. As their protection, they needed to know what was going on so Cas had updated them. They met Cas and Dean at the elevator. The huge men were ‘on’ instantly. Raj had taken the threat to Cas especially personally and seemed to be sterner than ever. The number of cameras and reporters was less than the night before. However, the questions were the same. There didn't seem to be any about the attempt on his life which was good, one less thing to worry about. The drive was easy and uneventful. Their room at the Bristol was a welcome relief. The hospital smell that seemed to permeate his entire being was making him itch. Cas put his bag on the chair and followed Dean onto the balcony. He stood by the low wall looking delicious, the rolled sleeves showed his tattoo's off. He seemed pensive as he looked out over the skyline; Cas sat next to him and watched him.

“Shall we order room service?” Dean asked not taking his eyes from the sky.

“Do you want children?” Cas asked, the words appearing from thin air and they took him by surprise.

Dean froze and Cas heart sank. Not the time, he scolded himself.

“Do you?” Dean asked, his voice was careful and it scared Cas.

“Well, I never really thought about it… until you. With Eileen and everything and your Mom saying what she did…”

“What did Mom say?” Dean asked as he looked at him. The frown sat like an angry kiss between his beautiful green eyes.

“Oh shit, yeah. Sorry. I forgot with everything…” Cas sighed and stood. He was starving so he went to grab the menu needing something to do with his hands.

“She mentioned us having kids to your Dad while they were on the phone. She seemed, enthusiastic…”

Dean had stopped following him, “And Dad?”

Cas turned, unsure of what that tone was but one looks at his face, it was fear. “He brought it up Dean, so I think he’s fine.”

Pure, unfettered relief poured from Dean. “Good, that’s… that’s good.”

Cas walked over and hugged him. “It’s okay. I know it’s an adjustment. I was as shocked as you were.”

Dean nodded, “Yeah. It really is." He paused as he glanced at the menu but they both knew what he was having, "Order me a burger, with everything and fries.”

Cas rolled his eyes, “Like I don't know what you like by now. Extra bacon and cheese?”

Dean grinned and kissed him hard on the lips. Cas melted and dropped the menu as he wrapped himself around Dean. The feel of his lips was all he could think about. His hair was so soft where it met his neck and he groaned as his entire body lit up. The flames of lust licked up from his groin and he shuddered.

Dean pulled back and smiled, “You okay?”

Cas grinned as he ran his hand down Dean’s solid shoulders to his chest. The t-shirt moved with his hand and Cas lifted it so he could feel skin. As soon as his fingers traced the top of the Chanel pants Cas lost his shit. Falling to his knees, he stared up at Dean who raised his eyebrow. As soon as Cas' fingers found the buttons of the slacks Dean groaned. That sound was like the symphonies of heaven, there wasn't anything else like it.

Cas stared into big green eyes that were wide and wanting. He thought about how much this man meant to him. He tried to force all that emotion into his eyes, into his touch as the pants slid to the floor.

“I love you,” he said as he smiled softly, dragging Dean’s underwear down. “I need you.” as he took his hard cock in his hand and led it to his waiting wet lips. The first few seconds were always the best and he strained his eyes watching Dean’s roll back in his head.

“Oh, Cas…” Dean growled as he moved his hands to Cas hair.

Cas took his time sucking and licking all that exquisite hard length. Feeling it press against his tongue, his teeth was a lesson in sensation... Abasing himself for Dean was something he didn't do often, though he enjoyed it on occasion. Cas like to be in control of the majority of the time. Dean never knew what to do with his hands so they’d agreed he would play with Cas’s hair. As Cas sucked and teased Dean to the edge he could feel long, strong fingers running through his hair. Dean didn't last long. He hadn't finished last night, usually, he would have waited until later or the morning. He liked the feeling of waiting gave him when he finally got what he needed. Dean groaned fingers gripped Cas’ hair made his heart race, he enjoyed the sharp pain from the pull. The sucking became erratic and Dean moaned his hot, sticky release into Cas mouth.

Dean had been Cas’ one and only partner, which was an interesting situation. Especially when the vessel had been with so many previous partners, how did he ever explain that? Cas had blamed his lack of finesse and knowledge on nerves. They’d gone slow and he’d put some serious research in online after their first oral encounter. Whatever he did with Dean felt amazing, then he’d found kinks and some of those were interesting to figure out.

“Fuck, Cas…” Dean breathed trying to catch his breath.

“Maybe later, I need something more substantial to eat.” he laughed as he stood. Dean pulled him in for a hard kiss and grinned. They stayed there for a good minute until Cas stepped away.

“I love you,” Dean whispered, still blissed out from the orgasm washing through his body.

Cas grinned and replayed the last ten minutes through his mind. He always enjoyed these human things, these physical expressions. Angels really had no need for them and it had been an adjustment. Cas had a therapist as part of his ‘rehab’ deal with the studio. Even now after several years when his sobriety was a given. He still found it helped with a great many angelic/human issues. His therapist Ruby had explained why Dean liked what he liked and Cas found it helpful to run things by her. The guise of human afflictions made her very accepting of his social issues. Though, they got less and less complex every year.

He picked up the menu from the floor and looked at what he wanted to eat. Salmon and greens seemed like a good idea. He ordered and included a whole pot of coffee. This suite was amazing because it had a warmer so they could dip into it for a while before it burnt and went weird. Dean moved to the bedroom to lie down. Cas joined him once he’d ordered and as soon as his head found Dean’s chest he passed out.

The knock on the door woke him what felt like minutes later. “Yeah.” he yawned, “I’m coming.”

“Cas, room service is here. Did you order?” Tom asked through the door.

“Yes.” Cas replied, “Let them in.”

The food was hot and awesome. That was Dean’s assessment once he’d woken up enough to eat.

The coffee slid down in a warm tingle and made Cas feel calm and safe. The routine of something so simple helped him to feel consistent. It tempered the rising anxiety to a low buzz. High functioning anxiety Ruby said. He always had to be organised, prepared. The words control and issues came up a lot. Dean had concurred but admitted he liked it to a point. Cas always had a contingency on a contingency.

“Cas you have to try this it’s amazing’,” he said, as he chewed. Dean's Texan accent peeked through because of how tired he was.

“I’m good. I’ll eat this,” said Cas.

Dean smiled, “You and Sam...Green stuff… I will never understand.”

“You eat green stuff.” Cas laughed.

“Yeah but I don't like it!” Dean grunted as he swallowed, “Smoothies are good though. Sam’s good for something.”

“Yeah.”

Dean’s smiled faded, “That was a close call last night wasn't it?”

Cas nodded, “Yes Dean.” he rubbed his face, “Yes it was.”

“Cas?” Dean asked, “Before when you asked about kids…”

Cas felt sick.”Yeah?”

“Can we get married first?” Dean asked absentmindedly as he ate his fries, “I know I’ve never asked if it’s something you wanna do but I’d like to…”

Cas gaped. “You want to marry me?”

Dean nodded, “That wasn’t a proposal, I have that all planned in case you wanted to… I just wanted to check.”

Cas stared at him.

“Cas?”

Cas kept staring as his brain processed. “Yes, I want to marry you. I have from the first moment I laid eyes on you.”

Dean laughed, “Love at first sight huh?”

Cas nodded, “Yes.”The statement was flat and yet full of emotion at the same time.

Dean’s eyes went wide, “You told me that before, I didn't really believe it”

“Well, I did… I couldn’t think about anything but you.”

The smile Dean gave him was like the sun breaking the night sky, it was perfect.

Taylor Swift’s ‘Our song’ broke the moment.

“Dude, I thought you were changing that? I put that on as a joke.” Dean scolded but laughed.

Cas shrugged, “I like it.”

“Yes?” Cas asked placing the phone to his ear.

“Cas. It’s Mary, we’ve landed and we’re going to go to the Ritz, would you like to meet us there with Dean?” She asked, “Eileen told us you were at your hotel, we can go back to the hospital together? Catch up?”

“Sure, we’ll meet you there. See you soon Mary.” He hung up and told Dean.

“Cool,” Dean said, but Cas could tell he was nervous.

“Let’s get dressed into something more presentable and then go? We can have those miniature pastries you like so much.”

“Hey!” Dean scowled, “You said you’d never bring that up again.”

“I still love you even though you like miniature pastries, Dean. I don't understand why it’s such an issue?”

Dean glared, “Because Dude, it’s...you know, gay.”

Cas frowned, “But… you are gay.”

“No. I’m heteroflexible.” Dean clarified.

“Right, what is that exactly?”

Dean grinned, “Like, gay adjacent.”

“Is this because you only ever went with one guy before me?” Cas asked frowning, as he grabbed new clothes out of the closet.

Dean nodded, “Yup.” Then took the dark navy Dior jeans and T-shirt from Cas.

“Can I have the blue one?” Dean asked and Cas swapped with him.

Cas laughed, “Dean. What is this?” holding up a blue checked flannel shirt.

“Oh my god, what is that doing in there?” Dean laughed.

“Is this the one you brought from that mall in Texas when we went to visit your folks last year?”

Dean nodded, “Yeah, that's so weird. I still love it. I won’t ever wear it but I love it.”

Cas folded it and put it back in the side pocket. “Maybe you can wear it later... for me?”

Dean growled, “You having lumberjack fantasies again gorgeous?”

“Maybe.”

“Any time, you just say the word.”

Cas laughed, “You ready?”

“Yeah, let's go get pastries,” Dean whispered as he grabbed his jacket.

“Put the jacket on first,” Cas asked and then watched him do it. The dark brown leather looked stunning on him.

“Cas, please don’t make that noise. I don't have time to do what I want to, what that noise makes me wanna’ do.”

Cas shook himself, “Sorry. You’re… hot.”

Dean grinned and kissed him, “Awesome, let's go. Pastries...”

Cas laughed as he closed the door.


	8. Dark Dynasty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Eating disorder references. Self-harm mentioned, drug abuse mentioned.***

Dean was a bag of raw nerves. The Salon Proust was doing nothing to reduce his stress levels. Even though the mini pastries were awesome and it should have been taking the edge off, it wasn’t. His parents were on their way, his dad was on his way and who knew how that was going to go? Tom and Raj were guarding the shit outta them which wasn’t helping his unease. They were being extra careful and it was making him twitchy. His folks had called and they would be arriving in ten minutes.

“Dean?” Cas asked tentatively, “It’s going to be okay.”

“How do you know?” he replied, his mind flicking through the possibilities. It was like a rapid fire round of jeopardy. 

“I just do, you need to calm down.” Cas picked up a bone china cup, “Here, have some chamomile.” 

Dean glanced at his partner and wanted to both hug him and strangle him at the same time. 

“Cas, no amount of freaking Chamomile is going to help okay?” 

Dean huffed and sat back in the hard formal chair. The room was all old European, gold leaf and antiques. Dean tried to focus on anything but what the next few hours held, he was not succeeding, not one bit. 

Cas dropped his eyes and sipped his tea which made Dean feel worse. 

“Cas… I’m sorry. Jesus, I just… I don't know how to deal with my dad on a regular day let alone with everything...” he winced and dropped his elbows to rest on his knees. 

Cas sighed, “I know. I really do but he seemed fine on the phone, you have to try and trust it.” he paused to eat a macaroon, “Good things do happen you know.” 

“Yeah and the past two days have been a shiny beacon of awesome Cas. Sorry but I’m not a believer right now.” Sarcasm dripped from his words as he picked up a raspberry macaroon. He really wasn't hungry but by god, if he didn't do something with his hands he was going to tear his hair out.

“I need some air,” he said through a mouthful of crunch and cream. He exited the room in long strides and once he was in the lobby he felt a little better. Tom was hot on his heels and asked him to stay inside or go out into the garden. Dean was attempting to make a decision when he heard a familiar voice. 

“John, Can we please check in?” Mary sighed, “I’m exhausted and I want to see the boys.” 

Dean spun to the doors and watched as the bellboy argued very politely with his dad about the bags. 

“Mary I can carry them,” John replied with a whine.

Dean’s eyebrows hit his hairline because that was not a tone his father used. Stern, yes, angry, yes but a sad whine… playful… what the shit. 

“Yes, I know. He knows but they do it for you and you know that. Please stop fighting that poor boy you’re going to give him palpitations.” 

Dean smiled without thinking as he located them, his mom worked so hard at the soft mom stereotype. Everyone saw her as this super kind woman who baked for charity events and she was but she was also kick ass. He could see her trying not to laugh at his dad or punch him. Had they ever been like this before? Maybe a long time ago? 

“Dean?” Cas called and placed a hand on his shoulder. 

“They’re here.” He said gesturing to the reception desk. 

Cas frowned, “You seem, better.”

“Yeah… let’s just get this over with.” he replied, “Mom!” 

Mary turned, “Dean! Oh, honey!” She moved gracefully, wearing dark jeans that complimented her black collared shirt. All toned curves and muscle from sparing with his dad; she was in great shape for a woman in her late fifties. John Winchester did not approve of soft anything. Not people, not food, not anything. Mary approached them and wrapped herself around her eldest son. A sob crawled up Dean’s throat but he pushed it down. Thank god they were here, there was a huge difference in being an adult and being a grown up. Sammy being hurt made him feel like a child in an adults body, he wanted his folks to save him, to fix it. He hadn’t realised until that moment how tense he’d been and he sagged around his mother. Bathing in her warmth and her strength, he soaked it up like a sponge. 

She pulled away, her eyes damp.

“Oh sweetheart, it’s okay, we’re here now,” she said as she leaned up to wipe tears from his face. He startled at the realisation that he was crying. Cas’ hand was back on his shoulder and Dean flinched. John was watching them intently; the look on his face was something unknown to Dean. He froze and then stared definitely at his father. ‘Judge me’ the look said, ‘I dare you’ 

Aloud he added, “Thanks mom, I’m glad you’re here.”

He felt more than saw her smile, “Me too baby, me too.” 

She turned to Cas and embraced him, there was no difference in the hug, it was all warmth and love. Mary had always adored Cas. 

“Dean,” John said and there was a tone that Dean couldn't place, it was unnerving.

“Dad.” 

They stared at each other for several seconds until John broke the silence. 

“Do they have a somewhere quiet? Somewhere we can talk?” John asked. Dean’s eyes went wide at the request. It was soft, not an order, definitely a request. Dean baulked and nodded and Tom followed.

“Yeah. Cas take mom up to the room will ya? We’ll be up in a minute?” Dean led the way and Cas confirmed he would.

Dean walked out onto the terrace and sat in one of the low comfortable chairs by the wall. Instead of taking the one opposite, John sat pensively on the seat to Deans left. Tom did his job and waited about ten feet away.

“Nope,” John said as he looked up to the cloudless blue sky.

Dean frowned, “What?”

“Stand up?” John asked. 

Out of habit, Dean didn't move; ever the stubborn ass. 

“Please Dean?” his father reiterated and Dean caved. It was the please that did it. 

The hug was hard and tight and Dean didn't react because he hadn't seen it coming. The stocky man wrapped his arms around Dean’s shoulders and held him. Every muscle in his body was in shock, what the hell did he do with this? He didn't know and so his arms stayed rigid at his sides. John kept hugging him and eventually the pounding in his chest slowed, Dean relaxed. The years of repressed fear, the doubt and the anger all bubbled under the surface but instead of rage, it came out as a sob. Shit, now he was crying on his dad... but he couldn't stop it. John hadn't hugged him like this since before he started modelling. Since before his last deployment when he’d come back so, so broken. Dean felt the tears fall and gently, tentatively wrapped his arms around his dad. 

“Deano, I’m so sorry,” John whispered in his son's hair. “I’m so, so sorry.” 

Dean shook as he curled his fingers into the back of old the leather jacket. John was a little taller than him and so he ended up sobbing the years of anger and grief into that old brown leather. The jacket smelled of the man within, of old spice, motor oil and gun polish. Dean breathed it in deeply and it helped to steady him. It smelled like home. It was that same feeling he got when walked into his parent's house at Christmas. The way that Cas made him feel in the beginning, grounded but cautious. The secure, calm feeling washed over him and pulling away, he smiled. His Dad didn't let him go through, not right away. John turned and kissed Dean’s hair, a brief press of lips that had Dean wanted to fall to his knees and sob like a newborn. Instead, he took a deep steadying breath. He coughed and wiped his eyes. Now the moment was done fear rose in his gut, he was looking at anything but his dad. 

“Dean?” John asked, “Look at me.” 

But Dean couldn't, he’d just start crying again. 

“Look at me, soldier,” John ordered but it was soft and filled with love. 

Dean finally looked down from staring at the high brick wall.

“Sit with me?”. 

Dean sat back in the chair, adrenaline and shock still forcing their way through his body. The courtyard was empty, thank god, but a few people milled around the top near the entrance. Dean stared at them as he zoned out. 

“Deano, I’ve been seeing a shrink for a few years now… but I only realised… I felt guilty for a long time about the way I treated you. The way I treated Cas…I knew you know… I could see the way you were with him.”

Dean stared at his dad trying to figure out what was happening. 

John sighed, “This is harder than I thought.” his posture was hunched, his arms braced on his knees. 

“I…” he rubbed his face, “I love you, the way you are son. I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like you weren’t enough.”

Dean frowned, “You don't have to say that Dad, I know you wanted me to be like you. I know I disappointed you…”

“No. I was the disappointment.” John whispered, “Sammy was so like your mom and I just wanted you to be like me. My shrink, she made me see that you are like me and that what you do or who you love doesn’t mean that you’re not.”

Dean was staring intently as John stood and paced. 

“The war messed me up Dean, I was so mad all the time and then you changed on me…” John glanced at him and then continued quickly, “It’s not your fault, I know that now. You were just being you and instead of enjoying who you were becoming... I fought it like an idiot and made you hate me.” 

“I didn’t and I don't hate you, dad…” Dean whispered, “I just... missed you.”

John stared at his son and rubbed a large hand over his face, eyes filling with tears. the expensive overstuffed chair creaked under his weight. 

“What a mess huh?” John chuckled, then turned to Dean, “Can you forgive me?” 

Dean smiled, “I think I can do that, on one condition?”

John’s eye went wide, “Whats the condition?”

“Stop treating my boyfriend like he’s nothing.” 

John grinned and Dean was shocked. Maybe he had actually wanted a fight, it’s all they did usually. Maybe he was tired of crying, anger was so much easier. 

“You’re boyfriend huh?” 

Dean blushed and looked at the floor. Yep, he’d rather be yelling.

“I’ve always liked Cas. I don't have a problem with your...er preferences. I was angry and disappointed at the world Dean, not you or him or Sammy.” 

Dean glanced over at him. 

“Sammy didn't do anything wrong.” Dean said, it was flat but the accusation was there, “He saved me, dad.” 

John nodded and filled up again, “I know… I heard him speaking with your mother about the eating thing and the… what’s it called again? The self-harming?” 

Dean shuddered as he remembered how dark things were before Sammy had dragged him out of the gutter. The modelling had been great for a while but as John pulled further and further away; Dean had withdrawn and fallen into a pit of despair. The bulimia had taken over his life. The agent he’d had at the time knew, they all knew and some even tried to help but he didn't want help. He wanted the pain and the darkness to end. If he wasn’t in the binge, purge cycle he was eating un-prescribed antidepressants like they were candy. Or fucking anything that moved, women, not men. No, he was shoving that part of himself way, way down. It was just another thing for his father to hate about him. A fine tremble started at the memory. 

If Sam hadn’t introduced him to YSL when he did, he’d probably be dead. Modelling for them had helped it had given him focus and then Cas had done the rest. If Sammy hadn’t forced him into therapy, if he hadn’t made him feel worthy, he would have never have been okay with himself enough to want Cas... if Sam hadn’t made him feel like wanting Cas was okay… yeah, he’d be dead.

Dean nodded as he pushed the demons back in their box.

“But you’re better now?” John asked his expression full of concern.

Dean gave a tight smile and sighed, “The food thing is always there. I think I’ll always have issues but I’m not in the cycle anymore, not since Cas. I’m clean, sober, apart from the occasional drink, but it was never the drugs I was addicted to, not really.”

John frowned and Dean elaborated, “I took the pills to feel better about the eating. Once I got a grip on that, it stopped pretty quickly. I still struggle with food, especially when I'm stressed but everyone keeps an eye on me. They make sure I’m okay.”

Dean watched his dads eyes filled with regret, “I’m so sorry Dean… I really am.”

“I know dad.” 

They sat and spoke about the last decade and it was a start. There was work to do but this was… better and Dean actually felt good around his father for the first time in a long time. 

Cas came down to find them half an hour later. 

“Dean? John?” Cas said as he walked up to them, “Sam’s awake.” 

.


	9. When the levee breaks

Cas walked over to the father and son duo carefully. It was clearly an emotional moment. 

“Dean? John?” he smiled, “Sam’s awake.”

“Oh thank God.” John sighed and Dean grinned, it nearly reached his eyes. Whatever they’d been speaking about was still fresh in his face. Mary had explained what she suspected was happening, a healing of sorts. Cas was positive that today had been a step forwards in reuniting Dean and his father; finally, Dean could start feeling good about that part of his life. 

“Mary is waiting in the foyer, the limo is ready when you are,” Cas said. 

“Dad, can you give me and Cas a second? We’ll be right behind you.” 

John nodded, but before leaving walked over to Cas and clasped his shoulder. 

“Castiel, you’re a great match for my boy. I’m sorry I was a shit and I hope you can forgive me?” 

Cas stared wide-eyed, he stomach was in his throat, “Yes John, I can do that.” 

The older man smiled and squeezed Cas arm, “Thank you, it means more than you know.” nodding, he walked to the main doors of the garden.

“Wow,” Cas said taking a deep breath as he turned to Dean. 

“Yeah.”

This, right here, was the dilemma when you were in the closet and famous. He wanted to hug his man, really hug him and kiss him and reassure him… but you never knew who had a camera or what would be taken out of context. But while Cas was struggling with his internal dialogue Dean made the decision for him. The taller man slid towards Cas and wrapped his arms around his waist, resting his head on his shoulder. Cas startled but then hugged Dean back pulling him in close and tight.

“Cas?” Dean murmured into Cas' forest green YSL t-shirt. 

“Yes, my love?” he said as he breathed in the scent of Dean’s hair, it smelled of coconut and cinnamon. 

“I’m going to need a vacation from our… lives…” 

Laughing, Cas replied, “I’ll book the island for us when we get back. We’ll cancel everything and go and stay there for a month. Sound good?”

Dean nodded, taking a deep shuddering breath he added, “Did Mom know? That Dad was going to apologize?”

“Yes. She told me what he’d planned. Do you feel better?” 

“I think so. I’m just drained.” 

Cas smiled, “Yeah, me too.” 

They were hugging, like partners, in public and it felt so strange yet so right. Dean pulled back and then surprised Cas for the second time in ten minutes as he kissed him. It was firm; full of love, trust and ‘I don’t care who sees’. 

Breathless, Cas looked into Deans tired green eyes and sighed, “Wow. That was better than I thought it’d be.”

Dean grinned, “What? We always kiss.”

“That was the first time you’ve ever kissed me in public…” 

Dean flinched like he’d been slapped and blush crawled up his neck. 

“Dad’s not the only one who has to apologize,” Dean said and Cas raised an eyebrow quizzically. 

“This.” he added as he stepped back and took Cas’ hands in his, “You. I… I know I’m not great at this stuff… but I love you. I’m sorry I’ve kept us in the closet so long.” 

Cas’ eyes went wide, “Does that mean we’re out?”

Dean stared at their joined hands, “I mean if you wanna be?” he shrugged.

Cas felt tears rising but didn't want to cry, Dean got weird in these moments anyway and it was a big step forward for him. 

“Yes, Dean. I would like that.” 

Dean grinned, “You are the master of understatement.”

Cas tilted his head, “I would like that a lot?” 

Laughing Dean pulled him in for another kiss, “Come on. Let's go tell Sammy what he’s missed.” 

They turned, and for the third time, Cas was shocked. Dean took his hand and threaded his fingers through Cas’. 

“It’s not a big deal.” Dean smiled. 

Cas grinned because it was, it was a very big deal. 

They rode in the limo side by side. Mary and John made conversation on the drive, it was inane home stuff like who won American Idol. Cas couldn’t have been less concerned with the rest of the world because he was finally complete. Dean wanted him where everyone could see, no more sneaking or hiding. The grin on his face wouldn’t shift. 

They reached the hospital in record time as the traffic had decided to cooperate. Raj and Tom arrived in their car to scout ahead and were waiting by where the car would stop. The paparazzi were a writhing mass of jackals as they waited by the doors. As they prepared to get out Cas passed Dean his shades. 

Mary and John left first, they smiled and waved. Raj helped push them through the crowd while Tom helped Dean get out next and Cas followed. One hand was braced on the door frame and Cas went to take Dean’s as he balanced but Dean flinched then pulled away. It was a split second decision but it made Cas feel like shit. He stepped out and slid on his shades, the aviators shielded the devastated expression in eyes from the glare. Tears bubbled up, threatening to spill and pulled on his acting ability, shoved it down and smiled. Inside he had just died a little. Nothing had changed… Why did he think that being in a private garden would instantly make them out and proud? It was Dean, no matter what he had said, his actions spoke a thousand damning words. 

Standing tall, Cas moved through the crowd. The walk to Sam’s room was uneventful but his stomach churned. Cas entered with the rest to see his friend and wanted to be happy but simply felt sick. 

Sam looked exhausted but better. Sitting up he smiled tightly as the doctor stopped what she was saying to let Sam say hello. 

Cas smiled, it was so nice to see Sam awake and a weight he didn't know was there lifted. 

“Hello.” Sam said, “Who are you?”  
Cas froze. They all did. The tears that had threatened only moments before spilt over, he could feel them running down his face. The pain in his chest was like nothing he’d felt before. Sam was his best friend, the one person he could talk to Dean about and this was all too much. 

“Cas!” Sam cursed, “I’m so sorry, it was a joke!”

Dean turned with wide eyes as he took in Cas forlorn expression and damp cheeks. 

“All of you, out now.” Sam hissed, “I need to talk to Cas.”

Mary and John recoiled but Sam held firm. 

“Mom, Dad… Dean…” Sam glared at his brother, “I know you’ve been worried but you need to leave, please. Now.” 

Cas starred as Sam dismissed his family from the room. They stared at him incredulously at being asked to leave so that Sam could comfort him. 

“Sam it’s alright…” Cas started but Sam cut him off.

“-No. It’s not.” The tone was soft. He wasn’t yelling, not at any of them but he was standing or, well, sitting firm.

“Sammy, we just-”

“Dean, I love you. I love you all but please? I need ten minutes with Cas.”

Dean reached for Cas but at the look on his face, he stilled his hand dropping. His love was very confused, clearly unsure of what was happening. 

“Okay, Sam. Just give us a shout?” John offered and his tone was calm and pleasant. It startled Sam who wasn't used to that from his hard father, it made Cas smile. The Winchesters evacuated and so did the doctor leaving Cas with his very best friend. 

“Cas. Come here, tell me?” 

The walk to the chair was slow and the tears found a new momentum. Before he sat, Cas hugged Sam as tightly as he dared. 

“I was worried about you.” Cas offered. For an actor sometimes he could be so lost in emotions he didn't know what to do with them. 

“That’s not it, I know you. What’s he done now?” Sam asked, “And what’s with Dad? Did he have a lobotomy?” 

Cas smiled then, it was tight-lipped but genuine. 

“He kissed me, in the garden at the Ritz, in front of people…” Cas started.

“Dad kissed you? No wonder you’re crying.” 

Cas chuckled then, a full bark of a laugh. “No! Dean.”

“Obviously." He grinned, "I thought that’s what you wanted?”

“We should be talking about you, not me.” Cas sighed, he was being selfish. The relief of seeing Sam awake and well was overwhelming. 

“No. Dude, I’ve been talking about myself nonstop to the doc and they’ll want to talk about me.” he gestured to the door. His sweats more comfortable than the blue hospital gown he’d worn yesterday, “No, please. Talk about you and my idiot brother. I need the change of pace.” 

Cas nodded, “Okay.” Then he proceeded to explain everything from the last 24 hours, Sam became engrossed. 

“The cop said they were after you? I mean fuck Cas, hate mail is one thing but trying to kill you? Jesus. When he came by he said they were looking into us all just in case but that the attempt was probably on you. What the hell?”

“I know, I still don't understand it… Who hates me that much?” 

Sam shrugged and it looked like it hurt, “I dunno dude but that's some top shelf hate right there.”

Cas nodded, “Yeah.” he rubbed his face. 

“Listen; tell me about you and Dean.” Cas did and Sam huffed, “He probably didn't even realise until he’d done it.” 

Shrugging Cas picked his cuticles, “I know Sam. Logically I know that but it hurt so much…”

Sighing Sam added, “You listen to me. He’ll change, it’ll take a while but he will.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

“No maybe Cas. You’re his family, you’re our family he will make this right, give him time. You know how much of a huge step this is.”

Grinning Cas changed the subject and took Sam’s hand, Family, huh?”

Sam looked into his eyes and said, “You are family.”

“I know but it’s always nice to hear you say it.”

Cas felt better, Sam’s reassurance always helped. Dean was so complex and he had, Demons, especially where his sexuality was concerned. He’d repressed everything for so long; he was going to need time. Thinking about it now he realised he’d been so worried about Sam that he’d expected too much too soon. Dean would be freaking out about it and would punish himself far more than Cas ever could, damn.

Sam yawned, “Hey go get them will ya, let’s get dad get whatever out of the way, I need to nap.” 

Cas nodded, squeezed Sam’s hand and then tagged John in. Mary and Dean waited with Raj and Tom outside the room. 

Dean turned, worry lines marring his perfect face as Cas crossed the corridor to him. The hug was a split second decision and Dean stroked Cas hair as Cas held him tight.

“I’m sorry, I can’t do anything right can I?”

Cas smiled with his face pressed against the warm material, “I overreacted. It’s been a long few days.”

“No, Cas, I shouldn't have flinched. It was a habit, I’m sorry. I’ll be better.”

The emotions were a mess, they were going through so much and Cas felt happy but drained with everything. 

“We have time. Don’t worry okay?”

Dean nodded at the reassurance, “I really need a month on the Island.” 

Cas laughed, “Me too.” 

They kissed and Cas heard an ‘Awww’

Dean pulled back with wide eyes; he’d forgotten his mother was standing there. 

“Mom,” he said sheepishly. 

“You two are so cute.” she laughed. 

Cas laughed and Dean rolled his eyes. 

“You should take a picture it’ll last longer,” Dean said with a smile. 

“Actually…” She said pulling out her phone. “...I’ve wanted one of you like this for a long time.”

Dean blushed, “Mom… really? We’re in the hospital...” 

Mary glared playfully, “You’re all alive and well and I’m going to enjoy this.”

Dean huffed, “Fine.” 

Cas pulled Dean closer and rested his head on him. 

The door to Sam’s room opened and John called them all back in. Sam had been crying, Cas could tell and it seemed that John was mending fences with both of his boys today. Sam would be harder to win over than Dean, it would take longer but he’d cave in the end; Cas knew his friend well. 

The all sat around while Sam explained what the doctors had said. 

“They think I have some nerve damage in my legs and I’ll need physio. They wanna keep me here for a few weeks, but you guys don't have to stay.” Sam addressed them all. 

“Nonsense, we’re not going anywhere,” Mary said. 

“Do you have to get back?” Sam asked Dean and Cas. 

“No, I don’t have anything for a while and Dean can cancel. Do you need us to stay?”

Sam smiled, “Eileen’s hoping she can stay at the Bristol with you, they’re discharging her tomorrow. If you could stick around I won't worry about her so much, you know in her condition.”

John took Mary’s hand, “What condition? We thought she was fine?”

Cas grinned and so did Dean. 

“We’re having a baby,” Sam said. 

Mary filled with tears, “That’s so wonderful!” 

“I’m going to be a grandpa?” John asked and Sam nodded. There was reluctance in Sam at this new John but he was trying to be okay with it, Cas could tell.

“Listen, you guys can go. Eileen wants you to say hi but I’m wiped.” Sam said, “Can you get the suite sorted for her? Maybe I’ll feel more awake tomorrow?”

Cas and Dean nodded then hugged Sam and went to see Eileen. She was texting when they arrived. Mary who was still crying hugged her and John nodded at her, unsure of the etiquette. 

“Dean, there’s a picture circulating on Twitter, have you seen it yet?” she frowned. 

“What picture?” he asked taking out his phone. 

Cas looked over his shoulder and on the screen was them in the garden only twenty minutes earlier. Whoever had taken it had missed the kiss, probably to their annoyance. Cas felt relieved and then annoyed at being relieved. This is what he wanted, to be out.  
Cas prepared himself for the usual. Normally the conversation had Dean shutting it down and Eileen spinning it. Sometimes it was so fast that it never became anything. 

“Ah, damn,” Dean said and Cas’ heart sunk. 

“How do you want me to play it?” Eileen asked, “Comfort? Pic out of context?” 

Dean frowned and Cas stared at the picture rather watch Dean reject him, their lives again. It hurt every time he did it. Until right then Cas hadn't realised how it affected him. They looked happy in the picture, relaxed and very much a couple and thinking of that going away hurt. It had been a while since they’d been caught that close in public which spoke to how careful they were and he hated it.

Cas started to panic and then stood. 

Dean looked at him and asked, “Cas, what’s wrong?”

“I can’t… I can’t do this again. I can’t, I won’t be the dirty secret anymore Dean…” and with that, he turned walking out leaving a stunned Dean in his wake. 

Cas found refuge in the waiting room from the first night. He was ready to cry or scream or hit something by the time he slammed the door. Why had he said that? He’d been doing this forever, for years and it had never bothered him, but that kiss, that picture… it made it different. He’d never tasted what it could be like until that moment… he… he couldn't leave him… Dean was his world… shit, what was he doing? 

Sitting without thought he ran his fingers around his neck. 

The idea of going backwards made him nauseous. The idea of losing Dean made him want to scream. There were no good choices…

He paced and sat and paced for nearly fifteen minutes until someone knocked on the door. 

“Cas?” Dean asked, pushing it open. 

Cas couldn’t speak. 

Dean walked in, his eyes red as if he’d been rubbing them and sat opposite, hunched over. 

“Check Twitter.”

Cas glanced up, he wasn't sure when the tears had started again but they were trickling down his face now. 

“...I can’t…” he sobbed, confused. It felt like he was being torn apart, his insides were itching with the conflict. Dean was watching him and Cas could see the tension radiating from him. Dean's posture screamed that he wanted to move to Cas but wasn't sure he should. 

“Here.” Dean passed Cas his phone and a tissue. 

When their skin touched Cas groaned. How was he ever supposed to leave this man? His love? He took the warm plastic wrapped metal and looked at it. Twitter was open on Dean’s page with the tag that Eileen used it said ‘Press Release’ in large red letters. Underneath was a screenshot of a piece of writing and Cas started to read: 

‘My amazing and dedicated fans, 

Thank you all for being so patient in this time of personal crisis. 

There is something important I wish to share with you. Before I do I would like you to know that my brother is doing well and it’s with his blessing that I make this statement. 

I have been keeping something from you and from the world for a long time. I feel ashamed and full of remorse. Recent events have shown me how much I have to lose if I am not honest with myself and the world. 

For years I have been in love, very much in love with someone. I hope that you will forgive me for keeping this from you all. There is a picture circulating of myself and a very handsome and well-known actor, Castiel Novak. We have been in a relationship for several years. I realise now that I was wrong to ask him to lie, to keep this secret for me, for us. It wasn’t fair. Cas, I am eternally sorry. Please forgive me. 

I love you.’ 

Cas stared. He read it. Then he read it again. The shock had him reading fan comments instead of responding. Considering the post had only been up for ten minutes, there were hundreds. 

‘I knew it @CasNovak forgive him you two are so great together!’ one read. The next was similar, ‘OMG your my OTP! @CasNovak forgive him!” 

They went on and on. 

Cas looked at Dean and frowned. This was it, the declaration. There was no taking this back, it was there out in the world. Cas sighed and rubbed his face. As grand gestures went is was, well, The grand gesture. Dean had outed them both and Cas could either confirm it or not. The ball was firmly in his court. 

“Cas?” Dean asked, his tone was somewhere between tears and terrified. 

Cas stared at him, "You did this? For us? for me?"

Dean nodded, "I mean every word. You're everything... I can't lose you." 

Twisting the phone in his hand Cas considered Dean's expression. It took everything in him to be neutral, to keep his expression neutral. The urge to move, to close that gap was overwhelming. Cas made his decision and took out his phone, going onto Twitter. Typing took a hot second and then he passed Dean’s phone back to him without looking. 

"Cas, please..." Dean wined, his voice choked. 

"Just look," Cas ordered. 

Dean’s eyes went wide as he looked at the reply, “You do? You forgive me?” 

Sighing Cas stood and walked over then kneeled one leg on either side of Dean on the sofa. Taking his face in his hands Cas grabbed him and kissed him hard. He felt Dean pull him closer as the kiss became a ravenous feast of tongues and groans. Dean's hands were like a vice on Cas’ t-shirt and Cas shuddered as the man between his legs moaned his name. Cas' heart was thudding in his chest.

Pulling back Cas placed his head on Dean’s, “Yes I forgive you. I love you.”

Dean grinned, “I’ll make it up to you, I swear. Forever, I'm so sorry.”

Cas smiled, "I love you, Dean. That's all I ever wanted" 

"I know, I'm sorry it took me so long."


	10. Our little world

Dean was grinning like an idiot as they walked back to his parents. Cas held his hand tightly and returned his joy. The messages of love and support from their fans had been pouring in. The news outlets were being supportive even though the secrecy aspect was getting some backlash. Dean was hoping to be with Cas when he did his interviews so that he could field those questions. It had been his choice to keep them in the dark and he felt he should take responsibility for that.

Sam was napping when they reached his room and his Mom and Dad were discussing something in a whisper.

“Boys!” his Mom said enthusiastically as they approached. “Is everything okay?”

They nodded together and Cas leaned into him. God this felt so right, so perfect.

“We’re thinking of grabbing dinner later. You up for it kiddo?” John asked as he wrapped his arm around his wife.

“Sure. We have a standing reservation at a few places while we're here but the hotel’s got great room service-”

“Both hotels and we have a fantastic terrace we could dine on-” Cas interjected.

Dean glanced over at Cas and smiled, his hand clasped tight.

“That would be lovely.” Mary replied, “I imagine it will be far more relaxed than a busy restaurant. I’m so tired, I may go back to the hotel and rest for a while.”

John nodded, “Yes and then we can head over to you boys later?”

“Sure Dad, a rest sounds great.” Dean leaned into Cas.

They both took out their phones as they left the hospital, Tom and Raj led the way. The messages were coming in thick and fast. So when Cas' phone rang it was no surprise when the caller was Meg.

In the limo Cas answered the call, Dean folks were staying for a while longer to speak to Eileen. Mostly about things at home, so they were alone. Cas put her on speaker phone and then wished he hadn’t.

“Thank you for the heads up you complete a-holes!” She cursed.

Dean laughed which was a mistake.

“Dean, I swear I’m going to kill you.”

“Meg, we’re sorry-”

“Castiel Novak. Don't even speak to me. Do you know how insane you’ve made my life? Do you? I will tell you!” She took a deep breath and Dean knew that was a bad sign. “The last thirty minutes have been an exercise in futility. My phone has not stopped ringing. Twitter is insane, facebook is INSANE, the media is having a field day… I’ve had calls from everyone! The Paris talk shows are harassing me for exclusives with you being there. SNL wants it back home. I have a million and one questions and no answers for any of them because you decided to come out on TWITTER! TWITTER, CAS! Without TELLING ME!”

“Meg, please calm down..” Cas tried but was met with more yelling.

“NO! You don’t get to tell me to calm down. You are my biggest client, one of my closest friends and I have to find out you were public on TWITTER Cas.”

Dean felt sick. Shit, he hadn’t thought of that. Yes, he had not been thinking at all, not past getting Cas to forgive him. His friends, his family… everyone would know back home via the media, his stomach rolled.

“Oh, Meg.” Dean started, “I’m so sorry. I was just-”

“I know Dean.” her tone was a touch calmer now, she just wanted an apology. They weren't supposed to make her job this hard and she was right, she was a friend; he'd screwed up.

“Jesus, this mess is like a knot I can't seem to unravel. Have you guys got time to do an interview? Eileen says you’re okay Dean, free. And Cas hasn’t got anything until he’s back home in a few weeks… Can you do something so I can stop the rising tide?”

Cas looked at Dean and nodded, “Sure, get us on something and we’ll do what we do.”

“Thank you Dean.” she sighed. “I have their version of The Tonight Show messaging me, can I confirm you’ll do that later? They’re happy to kick their scheduled people to have you on Cas.”

Signing Cas looked at Dean, “Yes Meg that fine, confirm everything and let us know where and when.”

Dean kissed his man on the head, neither of them was in the mood for this but they owed Meg. There were clicking noises as they waited.

“That’s great, so it’ll be live at ten, that gives you four hours.” she clarified.

“Wow, they were literally waiting…” Dean laughed.

“They really want this interview,” Meg added.

“Dean and I will go freshen up. Sorry again Meg.”

“It’s okay Cas, don't worry.”

She hung up without a goodbye and Cas huffed. “Looks like we’re working.”

“Yep. I’ll call Mom and Dad to change dinner to breakfast.”

Dean took a second to let them know and then updated his social media with the information from the French version of The Tonight Show. 'Wow, they work fast,' he thought.

They had to be there by nine which gave them a few hours to relax and get ready. Pulling up at the hotel Dean felt exhausted, this last few days had been nuts.

Tom and Raj left them and they promised not to leave the room without calling them.

“Dean?” Cas called as he walked into the lounge of their suite.

“Yeah.”

“Are you showering before we go?”

Dean considered it, “Maybe. I don’t feel too bad.” as he turned Cas was standing right there, close enough to kiss. “Hey, Cas.”

“Hello, Dean.”

“Cas?” he said, taken back by the sudden change of mood.

“Yes, Dean.”

“You’re in my personal space.”

“Yes.”

“Cas…” Dean groaned as his partner rubbed his hand over the front of Dean’s jeans.

“Yes, Dean?”

“Is this...” his eyes rolled back in his head.

“Is this what?”

“I need you…”

“I need you too,” Cas whispered as he squeezed Dean throbbing cock. “Now beg.”

Dean tilted his head forwards, oh yes, they were going to play. He needed this and his heart started to race as he fell to his knees.

“Please, Cas. I need it, I need to feel you.”

Cas grinned, it was sexy as all hell.

“Take off your shirt.”

Dean did and sat on his knees waiting. The sun shone through the windows and highlighted Cas’ tanned skin from behind like a halo. 'Fuck he is beautiful,' Dean thought as the man dropped to his knees. Dean automatically tilted his head, this was a game he knew well. One they had mastered and it was so easy; like breathing. There was a hand in his hair which pulled him back into the moment. Cas tugged Dean’s head sharply to the side almost to the point of pain and Dean shuddered, holy shit that was good.

Cas’ lips slid over the sensitive skin on his neck leaving a blaze of sensual kisses like tiny brands. Gasping, Dean knew what was coming and it didn't make it any less perfect when it happened. Teeth pressed into his skin at the base of his neck. It was near the meaty part of his shoulder and he moaned as the waves of bliss washed over him. Cas held him there and growled as he pressed harder.

“Oh, Cas…” Dean whispered.

They sat like that for over a minute. Dean became more relaxed, yet his cock was throbbing, frantically. Pulling back Cas licked the indents and Dean twitched.

“Strip and get on the bed,” Cas ordered and Dean did as he was told. It was slow because that was how Cas liked it. The belt opened, the jeans tugged down at a painfully teasing pace and the boxers followed. Once Dean could feel the cool air on his skin he lay on top of the fresh sheets and waited for his orders.

“You are perfect.” Cas smiled breaking his character. That didn't happen often but Dean understood, he was feeling a little fragile himself.

“You too.” he grinned.

Then Cas snapped back then stripped and stood there naked. Dean admired him for the shining beacon of perfection he was. Taking a deep breath Dean stared, taking in every single inch of his man. He got to kiss that, fuck that, roll around in Cas like he was catnip, how did he ever get so lucky?

“Make yourself cum for me,” Cas ordered as he stroked his cock.

Dean was always happy to oblige this particular whim. Taking his hard length in his damp grip he slid and tugged himself into a frenzy. He watched Cas watching him as he squeezed himself, there was nothing sexier.

“Oh, Cas…” Dean groaned as he came over himself. That’s what he wanted. Cas liked the mess, it was a direct conflict with his usual neat and tidy nature but Dean could see the delight it caused in his face. There was a fire burning under Cas skin and he was about to indulge himself. Watching Dean was a tease that Cas enjoyed inflicting on himself. There was something about not being able to touch. Something about the self-imposed restrictions that just did it for him.

Cas looked at him with greed, an emotion that no one else ever saw. Mine, it said, but not like that person is someones, no, in these moments Cas fell into something far more primal. Dean was a thing, a possession. Something to be owned and used and taken; which for him was freeing.

“You know what to do,” Cas said, it was so calm it made Dean shiver. The need was there but the words, they were emotionless.

Dean slid his fingers into his cum as Cas moved to the end of the bed. The white slick substance made this next part easy and very enjoyable. Dean propped a foot on the bed, leaving the other leg flat and felt down to his tight bud. Cas watched him, not Deans hands but his face. Those perfect blue eyes watched his expression as he pushed a finger into himself. Moaning he added a second, the stretch sent waves of ecstasy up through his abdomen. Eye contact was lost as Dean’s rolled back in his head, this felt amazing.

His third finger prompted a growl from Cas which had Dean locking eyes with his partner once again. The sexy brunette crawled onto the bed and kneeled between Deans legs. His eyes followed the line of Dean’s body to where his fingers slid in and out of his tight hole. It clenched around the intrusion as Dean watched Cas watch him. His heart was pounding, the anticipation was killing him. Cas lubed a finger in the mess that ran over Dean’s thigh and then slowly pushed his forefinger in alongside Dean’s.

“...Cas…” He moaned as he settled into the sheets trying to adjust.

Dean felt Cas move and knew that he was playing with his own cock. As Cas pulled his finger out he took Deans with him and replaced them with the head of his throbbing dick.

“Don’t move,” Cas ordered and Dean obliged. He wasn’t to move or speak, moaning was allowed but he couldn’t touch or kiss Cas. Which was annoying as all hell but when he got to at the end, it was worth it.

Cas pushed himself into Dean in one smooth stroke. Dean’s hands found the sheets and gripped them tightly as he moaned Cas name. The other man stopped and waited for him to recover, to look at him. As he met those steely blue eyes he fell, he fell more in love then he’d ever been in his life. Trust and adoration shone from Cas and it was so pure it made Dean want to cry, then it was gone and the punishment began.

“You hurt my feelings, Dean,” Cas growled out as he slid halfway out of Dean.

“I’m sorry.” And he felt it. He pushed all the remorse into his word all the regret and pain he’d felt at causing Cas any hurt, it was all there.

“It’s not enough.”

Dean watched Cas thrust into him, hard. He felt every inch as he bottomed out inside his tight ass.

“I’m sorry…” Dean said breathlessly, his heart thudding in his chest.

“Tell me.”

“You’re everything.” Dean panted out.

Cas thrust faster, one hand bracing on the bed and the other on Dean’s leg. The position was to reduce the skin contact; it frustrated them both but that was the point. Dean watched sweat drip down Cas’ beautiful chest as he pounded his hard dick into him. This was amazing, always.

“More,” Cas grunted between rolls of his hips.

“You’re my universe”

Cas shuddered, he was close. Dean’s ass clenched in response to the thought; adrenaline coursed through him.

“More.”

“You’re heaven to me.”

The words were soft and full of love which pushed Cas over the edge. Dean had no idea why that particular phrase did it but it just did it for him. His hands pulled at the sheets, the urge to hold Cas as he came was overwhelming.

“Oh, Dean.” Cas groaned as he shuddered his release, his eyes fluttering closed.

Cas’ hand rested on Dean’s stomach and he loved the feeling of those long fingers finally touching something other than his knee.

Dean watched as Cas’ hips bucked and flinched as he recovered from the rolling orgasm. He watched for the okay, any second now… Cas nodded and Dean moved like liquid sex to his partner. His cock was a solid presence between them; he’d fully recovered and more.

“Kiss me,” Cas said as he gazed into Dean's eyes and so Dean did.

It was a relentless frenzy, a wild clash of lips and tongues. Dean nibbled and licked Cas like he was all the best tasting things in the world because he was. Cas wrapped himself around Dean's sweating form like he was the last sold thing in an ocean of darkness. At that moment there was no thought, only love and need and an expression of them. They were everything to each other and it was perfection.

“Lie down Cas before I explode,” Dean said as he tried to catch his breath.

Cas did as he was asked and Dean moved up between his legs. Cas leaned down and pushed his fingers up into Dean' slick hole and his head dropped back at the intrusion. Cum coated Cas’ fingers and he rubbed it over his own bud, then pushed his fingers in but only a little before using the rest on Dean’s cock.

“Cas… please.”

The man on his back grinned and Dean loved it. His heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest.

“Fuck me,” Cas said and it was so sexy that Dean whole body bowed backwards.

“Holy shit…” Dean said as he ran his hands over Cas’ skin.

Cas like a little pain so instead of taking it slow, Dean pushed himself in as fast as his own pain threshold would allow. Then Cas moaned his name as a thank you.

All the stress, all of the pain, all the worry of the last few days ebbed away as Dean thrust into the love of his life. He growled and moaned and panted as he fucked and kissed Cas into oblivion. This was who they were, this is what he would never let go. Not the sex, but the connection. The feeling that Cas just got him, understood him, wanted him for everything he was.

Dean didn't last long and let himself relax into the release as Cas wrapped his legs around Dean’s ass. The orgasm rolled through him and he bathed in the bliss. Kissing Cas was next on the agenda and once that was done he rolled onto his back to catch his breath.

“Wow,” Cas whispered.

“Yeah.”

Dean took Cas’ hand and squeezed and then rolled his head on to Cas’s chest. Cas ran his other hand over the star and flame pattern on Dean’s peck over his heart. It was the only tattoo that Cas had ever requested. He said it was a superstition, for protection but Dean would have gotten it regardless because Cas had asked. He liked it or he wouldn't have put it on his skin but it meant more knowing Cas had requested it.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Dean.”


	11. American Nightmare

They ordered room service and ate curled up in bed. Cas felt blissful and whole and stuffed.

“Dean… I can’t eat any more…”

“That’s good because neither can I…”

Cas looked at him, he knew the look on his face would make Dean frown but he couldn't help it. Even after all these years he still worried.

“Cas, stop.” Dean huffed but there was no anger, only playful frustration at Cas’ worry.

“I’m sorry. I just… it’s been a stressful few days.”

“I’m fine. I was a bit wobbly yesterday but the urge has passed… okay?” Dean smiled, it was reassuring and calm so Cas returned the smile.

One of the things their therapist had told him was that Dean was better when he could check in about his Bulimia. Ignoring it was not something Cas could do, it was like a demon. Cas understood demons in a way that the therapist found both interesting and concerning. Obviously, Cas had been talking about real demons and not internal emotional ones but still, the analogy had worked. He never ignored Dean’s eating disorder, the memories wouldn't let him. Those first two years had been brutal on them both and the therapy had helped them to cope.

“Okay, I’m here okay. I’m here and you’re safe and in control and I love you.” Cas spoke the mantra out of habit and Dean leaned over to kiss him.

Cas crawled off the bed to his bag and pulled out a box, it was white with a gold crest and swirling letters on the side.

Dean’s eyes went wide and Cas laughed.

“Oh, you didn’t?”

“Of course.”

Dean took the box as if it would disintegrate in his hand and opened it delicately. Cas watched every tiny detail, every single careful movement and memorised it.

“You did!” Dean laughed as he examined the tiny cakes and pastries that Cas had the Ritz pack up for him. He took something that was full of cream and ate it whole and his eyes rolled back in his head. Cas chuckled and ate a blackcurrant macaroon, it was amazing. Checking the time he realised they should get ready. It was going to be their first public appearance as a couple. Cas was nervous. Dean did well under certain types of pressure but this, this was a whole new situation.

“Dean, we should dress. The limo will be here in an hour.”

Dean was engrossed in what looked like pastry with chocolate but nodded anyway.

Cas stood and went to shower, “Dean?”

“Yeah?” he said not looking up.

“You’re so gay right now.” Cas grinned.

The pillow few at his head and he dodged it. The laughter kept him giggling all the way through his shower and right on into the limo.

******

“Dude, it wasn’t that funny.” Dean scolded for the twentieth time.

Cas leaned into his shoulder, “Yes, it was.”

Dean scowled but stroked Cas’ leg with distracted care.

“It’ll be okay. Meg has prepared them and it’ll be fine.”

“I just wish Eileen could have been here… I dunno…”

“She calms you, I get it. I’ve watched her dress you and it’s like she preps you at the same time.”

Dean nodded, “Yeah.”

“We will be fine Dean. We can do this, together.”

His love nodded absentmindedly and stared out of the window. Cas took a second to admire Dean’s choice of wardrobe, Eileen had consulted and the resulting effect was stunning. The suit was a three-piece in a slim fit. The deep black was pinstriped with white and the ebony shirt sat open at the throat. Dean looked delicious. Cas had decided on grey slacks and a new plum YSL shirt that Dean had in his stash. It was understated and Dean had said so but Dean wore his fashion like armour and this was a battle for him. Cas understood that but Cas’ armour was Dean.

They arrived at the show, Tom and Raj had scouted ahead and left them to it. The crowd was going wild even before they stepped out on stage.

The set was all warm colours and dark sofas, on which sat a short blonde woman. Her name was Adeline Bisset and she was lovely. Cas had been on this show before and she’d always treated him well. Meg couldn’t have picked a better start for them as a couple. He sent her a message to thank her.

The intro kicked in and Cas took Dean's hand, there was a fine tremble in it and Cas whispered him reassurances.

They walked together onto the stage, Adeline hugged them both then sat. Their legs touched and Cas saw Dean flinch as he struggled to breathe through the voice in his head. The one that said he had to move, that people would see. Cas squeezed his leg and the audience went wild. Dean grinned, he couldn’t help it and that made Cas relax.

“Castiel Novak, welcome back.” she started, and then turned to Dean, “Dean Winchester, I haven’t had the pleasure, but welcome.”

“Thank you.” They said together which started the audience off again, squealing and calling their names.

“Thank you for coming on such short notice; I simply had to clear my schedule when I knew you were in the country. This…” she gestured to where they touched, “...is amazing.” Then she turned to the audience, “Isn’t it?”

The crowd went wild once more and Cas laughed.

“Castiel I do have to say, your partner is stunning.” she cooed and the audience agreed.

Cas laughed and grinned, “Thank you.” he turned to Dean, “He is gorgeous isn’t he?”

Dean smiled and Cas waited for his response. This could go either way, if Dean withdrew into himself now it would be painful so Cas steeled himself, just in case.

Dean saw it and Cas registered the look he got in response. There was a flicker of disappointment but Dean knew he’d caused the doubt, it was to be expected.

“Thank you, but Cas is the gorgeous one, both inside and out,” Dean said and Cas grinned wider. Then he nearly died as Dean slid his palm up his face and kissed him hard.

“Oh my.” Adeline gasped as she fanned herself with her hand. The audience went nuts.

“Well that was quite a demonstration of your interest in each other.” she smiled, “Can I asked when this all started.”

Cas went to speak but Dean got there first.

“We met at a show, was it eight years ago now?” he turned to Cas and he nodded.

“So were you on the runway at that time Dean?”

“No, I was still modelling off the runway. We met there and dated for a while.”

“Of course. You know I have to ask, why has it taken so long for you to disclose and how have your family taken it?”

Dean smiled, “It has taken me a long time to disclose, especially to some to my family. I can answer both questions together. I was afraid of the reaction from my father, we had a complicated relationship and that has recently resolved itself.”

“So you hid this from the world because of your father’s reaction?” she asked more curious than accusatory.

“Partially.” Dean elaborated then looked at his hands. “If I’m being honest, I was scared.”

Cas’s eyes went wide, this was not what they’d discussed in the car. 

“Scared?” Adeline asked, “Why scared?”

Dean took a deep breath and then looked out into the crowd as he ran his hand around his neck.

“Cas is amazing, he is… perfect. I’ve never really felt like I was worthy, you know?” Dean sighed and the crowd all said ‘awwww’ together. “He’s great at everything and he’s so kind. I figured one day he would leave for someone who deserved him and that would be easier if it wasn’t public.”

Cas was stunned and leaned into Dean’s ear so the microphone couldn’t pick up the words he was about to say.

“You really felt like that?” he asked holding back tears.

Dean nodded as he looked into Cas’ eyes.

Adaline was dabbing her eyes with a tissue, “Merde.” she cursed, “Dean Winchester, ladies and gentlemen.”

The audience clapped as Cas pulled himself together, his heart was pounding and he felt dizzy.

Once the noise settled Adaline responded, “Oh Dean, that’s incredibly sad for you. What changed?”

Dean swallowed and Cas braced himself.

“Cas asked me if I wanted kids and I realised that he thought of us as forever, like it really hit me you know? So I figured I should just accept that he was staying and get used to it.” he grinned, “My brother has been telling me so for years but it wasn’t until that moment that I really believed it.”

Adaline cooed as Dean explained and the audience followed. “That is so wonderful. So are children something that you are planning?”

“We’re discussing it,” Dean added with a wink.

Cas was stunned and tried to enjoy this new side of Dean. It was like his flirty party side but... more.

“My my.” Adaline said, “So this is far more than a fling that some of the media have been trying to portray?”

Cas interjected, “Yes. We’ve been together a long time.”

“So, Dean when you were ‘dating’ that was for show?” She asked.

Dean nodded, “Yeah.” he looked sheepish, “I was always clear with them that it wouldn't last, but yeah, I feel shitty about that.”

Cas took his hand and added, “We agreed it was the best way to hide but it was regrettable.”

Adaline nodded, “Of course, of course, but now you are out, I have to ask, will there be a wedding?”

Cas laughed and Dean answered, “If the proposal goes well then I hope so!”

The crowd screamed and Cas stared at his love.

Adaline interrupted the screaming, “That sounds like you have it all planned Dean?”

Dean winked again and she laughed.

“Castiel, how do you feel about this new revelation?”

Cas laughed, “Of course it’ll go well. I’d be happy to marry you.”

Dean leaned into Cas’ shoulder and squeezed his hand.

“Oh my gosh, you two are too much!” she said.

Once everything had settled down she asked about Sam.

“He is doing well. I have his permission to tell you, he will be staying at the hospital for a few more weeks to recover before flying back to the states.”

“Wonderful.” Adaline replied, “And Castiel, the new Marvel film is that still going ahead?”

Cas smiled, “Yes, I’m only in this one briefly so it gives me more time at home.”

“Does this mean that you’ll be moving in together?” she asked excitedly.

Dean looked at Cas, “Yes but we haven't worked out the finer details yet.”

Cas’s heart soared.

“Simply fabulous.” she laughed, “Though you don't live far from each other now is that right?”

Cas laughed, “Yes, it’s about ten minutes in the car.”

“My place had a bigger pool.” Dean joked.

“But mine has the better view.” Cas joked back.

Adeline laughed, “Well there does seem to be a lot to sort out!” turning to the audience she grinned, “That’s all we have time for from these two this evening. Please, one more time for Castiel and Dean.”

They hugged her and left to the sound of the roaring crowd. A buzz of joy flooded through him that Cas didn't think would ever leave.

****

Cas kept glancing at Dean as they sat in the limo which eventually he picked up on.

“What is it Cas?” he said twisting in the cream leather seat.

“You.”

“What?” he asked leaning into him.

“That… it wasn’t what I was expecting…”

“I know.” He replied, “I saw how worried you were, you thought I was going to backtrack and I wanted you to see that I’m okay.”

Cas smiled, “I’m glad that you’re okay.”

Dean kissed him thoroughly right until the limo stopped ten minutes later, he felt amazing.

Then they walked into the lobby of the hotel and time slowed down as the scene unfolded.

Tom was at Dean's side and Raj came in from the back. Cas held Dean’s hand tightly and was still laughing at some inane joke he had made when the shot rang out.

‘Who knew guns were so loud?’ Cas thought as his brain scrambled to process what was happening.

Tom threw himself at Dean and took Cas as well, they hit the floor with a solid thud and it rattled Cas to his bones. The adrenaline was pumping and he struggled to see past Tom who lay unmoving on his chest. Cas could hear a noise, shouting, Dean cursing and then Raj was rolling Tom off him. His heart was pounding. Time sped back up as Cas realised what had happened, Tom had taken a bullet for them.

"Castiel? Are you alright?" Raj asked and Cas nodded. Then he moved to his fallen friend, “Tom!” Raj yelled as he tried to find the entrance to the wound.

Cas stared at the floor as he kneeled in a pool of blood. He knew Tom was alive by the rise and fall of his chest, he was breathing. Raj relaxed when he found the entry wound on his side. It was bleeding a lot and that must have been why he passed out. Cas felt dizzy as he looked at the ocean of red, who knew humans could bleed so much? He giggled and somewhere in the back of his mind the word ‘shock’ was floating around.

“Dean?” Cas said looking for his love.

“I’m here Cas. I’m here…”

Cas looked up into Dean’s huge relieved eyes. His shirt felt wet, he was so covered in blood. It was bothering him though, that one patch on his shirt. Placing his hand on his stomach he winced, oh, that's why…

“Dean… I think I’ve been shot…” and then darkness swallowed him whole.


	12. Out of the Darkness, Into the Fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Bulimia. Drug use. Possibly triggers suicide.* If you feel you are in crisis, please call your local support services or message me and I'll help you find your local team. Be safe friend's x

“No”

The word fell from his mouth for the twelfth time.

“Mr Winchester, I’m sorry but there’s nothing more we can do.” The doctor explained, again.

“NO!” he screamed at her.

“Dean, sweetheart…” his Mom was talking , crying again and he growled. It was a wordless angry sound.

“Dean… please… you need to listen to them.” Meg whispered as she laid a hand on Dean’s shoulder.

“He’s not dying.” Dean spat, “He can’t. I won’t let him.”

“Dean…”

“Meg! Stop! No!” Dean yelled as he stood and stormed out of the room.

No. Cas would be fine. He had to be fine…

He was still chanting the words as he pushed through the door into Cas’ hospital room. He froze by the bed as he did every time he came in here. He stared at the pale shell that used to be his vibrant boyfriend. The machines were keeping him alive, the damage had been too vast, the blood loss too great. They’d tried everything but it was futile.

The last three days had been catastrophic. The shooting had been on every news outlet around the world, though they were keeping how bad it really was under wraps. Dean was a mess. He had barely moved from Cas’ side. Everyone was freaking out because he wasn't eating or sleeping, except when exhaustion hit. Even then he only slept when he physically couldn’t stay awake. He wanted to stay awake, the nightmare of the shooting played over and over in his mind on a loop. He avoided sleeping like the plague.

In the dream, Cas was kneeling on the floor in the lobby.

“Dean… I think I’ve been shot…” That sentence was his worst nightmare. His life right now was his worst nightmare.

“No!” he’d screamed and had been yelling it ever since.“Cas!” he’d cried as he wrapped the bloody, broken man in his arms, “Cas… no, baby, please…”

The ambulance staff along with Raj had torn them apart and then taken Cas away. Dean sat stunned until Raj had dragged him to his feet and carted him to the hospital. Shock kept him numb for a full 24 hours, kept him sane through his Mom’s hysterics. Calm through Meg’s anger and cooperative through the police questioning. It kept him from breaking through the hugs and reassurance and strong through Cas’ surgery.

The dam had finally broken when Cas had been taken to his room. When the doctor had explained that he would not recover and that they were waiting for his organs to fail.

The rage had been all-consuming and he’d punched the wall so hard he’d broken three fingers. As he was having them taped together in the ER, the despair had hit him like a train and the darkness had risen. He left the hospital, the one and only time he had, and he’d gone to the nearest fast food place and binged. He’d been so out of it he couldn't even remember the name of the place. He had stuffed his face until he threw up from the sheer volume of food. Then he sat on the cold, dirty floor of some random bathroom in Paris full of shame, covered in his own vomit.

‘Classy Dean’, he’d scolded himself, ‘Cas would be so fucking proud’. The pain had hit him, the hopelessness and he’d sobbed. He’d whimpered and heaved until there were only dry hiccups and the sound of the manager banging on the door. Fear rose, what if Cas died while he was sitting here? What if his last memory of Cas being alive and in the world was him sitting in his own disgusting filth feeling sorry for himself? So, he moved. He went back to the hotel, showered, changed and then went and sat by Cas’ bedside. He clawed back what pride he could by sitting steadfast and resolute. Determined that by his will alone Cas would pull through.

Cas wasn't pulling through, everyone was trying to get him to listen. What they didn’t understand, was that if Cas died, he was done. There was nothing in the world that he could live for, nothing that would ever make the world a place he could be in again. Cas was his everything, his every single fucking thing and he couldn't fathom a life where he wasn't in it.

Sam had cried and consoled him that they’d get through this together… couldn’t he see that there was no getting through this for him? Wasn’t it written all over his face? Once Cas died Dean was done, he was overdosing on whenever shit he could get his hands on. This was a one-way highway and the only destination was oblivion. Maybe he’d drive baby off a cliff? Blaze of glory, yeah, poetic irony. No… maybe not. Sam would need something to remember him by and baby didn't deserve that…

Drugs would do it, he’d never tried overdosing and that shit would be quick and painless. Yeah, that was his plan. A few days they’d said, well day three had been and gone. The machines were beeping more erratically and Dean knew… he just knew.

Resting his head on Cas’ thigh he dozed then forced himself awake. The cycle repeated until he lost and was sucked into the memory of blood and pain. It changed every time. Sometimes he saw Cas get shot and couldn’t stop it. This time he was just cupping Cas’ face in his hands as he turned to bloody dust and floated away.

The pain of the memory threw him awake and he sat back in the chair. His brain spun and clawed for purchase, anything which wasn't that particular memory would be better. Anything that he could use to get through this time here with Cas. Anger, yeah, that he liked.

He thought about the guy who shot Cas. The tall creepy looking guy whom the police had labelled ‘clinically insane’ and his rage rose. The police tried to question him because the gun wasn’t one he could have picked up, someone had given it to him. Someone had planned this. Someone had wanted Cas injured or dead. Raj was on the case, so was Dean’s dad, they were fleecing all their contacts, for something, for anything that would help. So far, nada. Zilch, whoever it was, they were good. Not that it mattered because Dean didn’t care… yeah, he had all the rage but it faded and fizzled… like now.

He flashed back to the moment in the lobby, Tom had been so pale, not Cas. Tom had looked dead...why was fate so cruel? Tom was fine, that had been a moment of short-lived relief because the news about Cas had come in only moments later. One inch to the left and he would have been fine…

The tears slipped down his face without effort. Then they stopped. It was like a nervous tick at this point, as if his body didn't know what do with the agony. Yet he couldn’t really feel much at all…

The beeping woke him an hour later, dragging him from another set of nightmarish scenarios. Cas’ heart rate was through the roof and he was even paler than before. Dean grabbed his hand as if contact would make Cas stay. Then the beeping stopped it’s torturous dance and became static. No. No…

Dean stood as he watched the monitor. How could that be it? How could someone that meant so much to him be gone in such an anticlimactic way? The silence in his soul was deafening. The shock was taking over and he couldn't feel a thing. Letting go of Cas was the hardest thing he had ever done but also the easiest. They’d be together again soon, he was not living this life without his soul mate, no. It wasn’t… he couldn’t…

The walk from the hospital was easy. The doctors had disconnected the emergency alert because they knew Cas was not going to pull through. No one knew he was gone and by the time anyone thought to look for him, it would be too late. He walked the streets and pulled out his phone knowing one person who had questionable morals who wouldn’t worry about the consequences. He wouldn't look too hard at Dean right now either. The reply came in ten minutes later and Dean took a taxi straight over to his apartment.

Gabriel answered the door annoyed but curious.

If Dean had been a little more aware he would have realised that Gabe was being weird, he shouldn’t have wanted Dean near him. Let alone on his doorstep asking for help. Had Gabe been a better human being he would have seen the emptiness in Dean for what it was. He would have helped him by calling his family. Neither of these things happened.

“Dean.” Gabriel said with something approaching concern, “What do you need?”

“Let's not pretend were friends hey Gabe? I’m here for the drugs. I made it clear what I want. Are you going to help me or not?”

Gabe frowned, “You’re clean aren’t you?”

Dean walked in as he stepped back.

“Was. It's been... a bad day.” Dean dragged a smile onto his lips. It was a whisper; a bare, unrecognisable memory of an emotion that felt a million miles away and a billion years ago.

“Must be one hell of a bad day.”

“I don’t want to talk about it Gabe, I just wanna dissolve into fucking oblivion. Are you going to help or not?”

They moved into Gabe’s kitchen, it was pristine and white. He opened a hidden drawer and messed with assorted packets and pill bottles.

“Benzo’s?” he asked Dean and he considered it. That’d do, enough of those and he’d fall asleep and never wake up.

Dean shrugged, “Sure.”

Gabe handed him three of the pills and Dean stared at him. “And the rest?”

“You’ve been clean a long time, start there, work your way up.” Gabe bit his lip as Dean downed the pills without water. Swallowing hard he coughed and cleared his throat until they were gone.

“I want the rest, Gabe.”

“I want you to pay me.”

Dean sneered, “How much?”

“Oh Dean, I have more than enough money. The price… is much higher.” Gabe walked over and moved into Dean’s personal space.

On any other day Dean would have moved, flinched, punched him… but today he stood there unmoving.

“Wow, you really are out of it…” Gabe commented as he placed his hand on Dean’s shoulder.

“What. Do. You. Want. Gabriel?” Dean hissed.

“You.”

Dean didn’t even flinch, “Why?”

“Because if you’re here that means something happened with Cas.” Gabriel pressed his body against Dean’s. “Which means I have a shot at getting you back.”

Dean smiled but it was hard, dangerous. Gabriel was so self-involved he couldn’t see the smile was not friendly.

“You wanted Cas, not me,” Dean said, unsure why he was even having this conversation. Appearances maybe? Some habits were ingrained

“No Dean, I wanted to annoy you but it was always you.”

Dean raised an eyebrow, again, habit. He wasn't feeling a thing as the Benzo’s filtered through his system. The chemical fog descended and he relaxed.

“Fine,” he whispered.

Gabe baulked, “What?”

“Fine. Fuck me, I don't care. But after you give me the pills.”

“Sure,” Gabe said incredulously.

“Bedroom?” Dean asked.

Gabe led him, it was all gold leaf and overindulgence. Tacky, like Gabe.

Dean pulled his shirt off at Gabe’s prompting. The shorter man kissed his chest and Dean retreated inside his head. The drugs were making everything fuzzy and the whole thing became like he was watching it through frosted glass. It wasn’t him, it was whatever was left behind. The shell he was without Cas.

He barely felt Gabe using him, he was somewhere else, somewhere dark and foggy. A broken landscape inside his mind. He could feel his hands and knees on the sheets. He could feel the force of the man behind him and he could feel his heart as it struggled with the adrenaline. Dean could also hear Gabriel moaning his name but he couldn’t really feel any of it past the cloud of the chemical buzz.

Somewhere in his mind, he hated this and himself.

The memory of his one and only other gay sexual encounter before... before Cas… pushed its way forward. It was almost exactly like this. Gabe at his back, pain, rough, drugs… it wasn’t a good memory. It was an awful first experience and it’d taken years of therapy and understanding from Cas to get where they had been. To get where he had been with Cas. The drugs curbed the emotions, so it was like watching a foreign movie with no subtitles, he got the gist but wasn't involved.

It was over, maybe it had been quick, but he didn't know. He tried to focus and managed to get back to a present headspace. Gabe was smoking and telling him how good it was.

“Pills Gabe,” he whispered and the bottle appeared on the side table.

“Don’t take them all at once.” he joked as he walked to the kitchen.

Dean almost laughed, almost, because that was exactly his plan.

Rolling over he popped the lid and grabbed Gabe’s bourbon that he kept in the side table. Struggling with the lid he eventually got it and tilted the bottle into his mouth. It took three tries before it was empty, more due to lack of coordination than anything else. The bourbon made swallowing easier. Then he lay back and waited. He thought of Cas and seeing him again, yeah, this was the best way. His family didn't need him anyway but he needed Cas. If there wasn't a heaven, then oblivion was better than this.

As the void sucked him under he felt floaty, his vision faded first but he could still hear. He heard Gabe walk into the room talking but not looking, not seeing as usual.

“Dean… there’s a rumour going around that Cas was shot… is that why… OH FUCK!”

He heard him run over and yell at him, “DEAN! What have you done?" Gabe was almost crying, "Dean, no... I love you… no, no, no…”

Dean smiled in his mind at the irony of him saying those words. The man had never loved anything in his life. The sound faded and he wasn't in his body anymore, he was floating… floating away on a cloud of empty fuzzy bliss, into peace.


	13. Do You Believe in Miracles?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Trigger warnings. Mention of child grooming. Previous tags apply*

Cas felt himself slip away as the blood drained from his body.

“Dean?”

“I’m here...oh Jesus Cas… no...I’m here.”

He could feel Dean’s arms as he wrapped them around his scarlet soaked body. Someone was screaming. He thought it was Dean but Dean never made that noise.

Peace washed over him and he fought it, he wasn’t ready, he didn’t want to go yet.

The pain hit him like lightning through his abdomen as someone pressed on it. The darkness came and then he was floating.

“Castiel.” A voice called.

“Hello?”

“Cas… What are you doing here?”

“Where is here?”

“You haven’t been human that long, you know where you are.”

“The ethereal plane… I’m dying…”

“Good boy.”

“Balthazar... Is that you?”

Cas could eventually see where he was. It was an endless soft yellow space with no walls or doors, just him and a voice; Balthazar's voice.

The angel appeared dressed in a low cut v-neck t-shirt, tight jeans and a leather jacket. Biker angel chic he called it.

“Well look at you. Is that what the humans are calling fashion now? A little too Jackson Pollock in his depression era for my tastes, do you mind?” he asked.

Cas shrugged, “Just no pink.”

Balthazar winked and Cas looked down expecting a unicorn onesie but was pleasantly surprised. The black jeans and grey t-shirt were acceptable and he said so.

“And... Why don't we go somewhere more... “ he clicked his fingers as he left the sentence hanging.

The open fire to Cas’ right was huge and a beautiful stone wall framed it. The view from the floor to ceiling windows was a shimmering blue lake framed by a snow covered forest. Two oversized armchairs were pushed close together facing the glass. The sun set on the horizon and the sky was splashed with perfect shades of fuchsia and peach; it was calming.

“Where are we?” he asked as Balthasar took a seat and gestured for him to do the same.

“You don't recognise it?”

As soon as he asked it came to him, “Canada… Dean and I we came here one Christmas…”

“Bingo.” he made a show of looking around and then nodded, “It’ll do, it’s… pleasant in a rustic ‘we might be in The Shining’ kinda way.”

Cas smiled, “I missed you.”

Balthazar sipped a glass of something, brandy probably, by the shape of the glass. “Don’t get all emotional on me Castiel. You’re dying, not ceasing to exist. It’s a blip.”

Cas swallowed hard and a glass of bourbon appeared in his hand, he downed it and it instantly refilled.

“Eight years… that’s all I get?” Cas whispered. “And what about Dean?”

“You’re so dramatic, Dean’s fine…”

Cas turned to his friend, he knew that tone.

“Balthazar.” Cas said, his tone a warning, “Tell me.”

“You don't want to see it Cas, it’ll only upset you… let's just go back to heaven and you can wait him out.”

“Balthazar!” Cas yelled.

“Fine, but I warned you.”

The windows that had only moments ago had been simply glass, were now filled with images of Dean. Cas stood, threw back his drink and placed the glass on the table to the side. It was like watching a T.V show of his worst nightmare. The sob rose in his throat as he watched the love if his life heaving into a toilet. Tears were flowing in rivers from his beautiful green eyes and if Cas was dying, now he truly felt it.

“Dean…” he walked to the glass and touched it tenderly.

Pain flooded through him as he watched Dean drag himself back together. He saw him return back to the hotel and bathe. He was proud of him for it. Backing up to his seat he wiped tears that were drying on his face. Dean went back to the hospital. Cas’ vessel looked so small and broken in that bed and Dean held his hand as if he could will him back to life.

“Oh, Dean…” Cas whispered as he paced, as he cried, as he fought sleep and the nightmares Cas was sure plagued him.

“Cas…” Balthazar prompted, “You really don't need to see this…”

Cas turned to his friend and growled, “Is this happening now?”

The angel glanced at the floor.

“Balthasar I swear, do not test me on this.”

“Okay, but it wasn’t my idea, don't get your panties in a bunch…” There was no humour only a huff of annoyance.

“What do you mean it wasn't your idea?”

“Anna thought it best you didn’t see it… that you wouldn't move on. I told her it wouldn't work and that you’d insist. He’s your soulmate, I don’t think she got it…”

“How long ago was this?” Cas asked, “Dean here in this image. How long ago?”

Balthazar sighed, “A few days…”

The picture of Dean sitting by his vessels side was painful but not agonising like seeing him hurting himself. They thought this would be better? Angels...

“It gets worse doesn't it?” Cas asked turning to his friend who nodded.

“Yes.” he said, “let’s just go Cas, you’ll see Dean again soon.”

Cas froze, “How soon?”

Balthazar smiled wryly, “You know I can’t tell you that Cas.”

Cas marched into his personal space and grabbed him by his jacket.

“I swear on all I am, I will hurt you if you don't let me see him.”

Stepping back the angel huffed flamboyantly, “Don’t say I didn't warn you. This is now.”

The image on the screen was horrifying, it didn't help that it was enormous. Cas took a few steps back involuntarily and fell into his chair. Balthazar sat as well and watched Cas follow the events that were unfolding. Dean was slamming back pills in Gabriel's kitchen.

“I’m going to kill that slimy, evil excuse of human excrement,” Cas growled out.

Gabe asked Dean for his payment. Cas was yelling at the screen like a housewife at some awful soap opera. This… this was his worst nightmare brought to full sound, full colour, full real life.

Dean followed him into the most horrifically decorated bedroom and Cas tried to focus on anything but what was happening. Gabriel was violating his boyfriend, the love of his life and if he could have been sick in this reality, he would have.

“Oh, Dean…” Cas cried, “Oh my love, what have you done…”

Closing his eyes through the rest of it was the only way he didn't end up hysterical. Gabe had been Dean’s first. It had messed with his perception of intimacy between two men so badly that it’d taken years of therapy to fix. Gabe had groomed Dean at fifteen after seeing him in a photoshoot for some mid-range fashion line. Dean had been seventeen when he’d been used by Gabriel. Cas had Jimmy’s not so fond memories of Gabe. They touched on similar lines but he’d been an adult. Cas had never told Dean. Dean already hated the guy enough, he didn't want to add to it. Swallowing hard Cas peeked at the screen, it was over and Dean lay completely spaced out, naked, on the vile gold sheets.

Cas sighed, a moment of relief and then screamed as Dean took the pills from the table.

“No! Dean, baby put them down…” Cas flew at the glass and spun to stare at Balthazar, “NO!”

“You know as well as I do, he can’t live without you.” his friend said.

Cas stared, “I thought that was a myth!”

Dean emptied some of the pills into his mouth and downed huge gulps of bourbon.

“He was made to fit you Cas, he’s literally missing pieces of himself because you’re not there.” Balthazar placed his hand on Cas’ shoulder, “Don't worry, it’ll all be over soon. You can stay here until then.”

Cas stared at the screen as Dean downed the last of the bottle and lay back.

“Oh no… no...no.” he breathed as he dropped to his knees.

Gabe ran back into the room cursing, “DEAN! What have you done?” he was almost crying, "Dean I love you… no, no, no…”

Cas’ eyebrows rose, he what?

“You wouldn't know what love was even if I beat you to death with it you evil piece of human filth.” 

“Wow, this guy really brings out your inner psycho.” Balthazar joked dryly.

Cas felt his heart shatter. Dean couldn’t die… his family, his light… no…

Balthazar moved to the screen, “Well isn’t that a turn of events?”

Cas looked up, “What?”

Gabe was on the phone, first to the French emergency services and then to someone else. Pure curiosity gripped Cas and he walked to where his friend stood.

“What did you do?” Gabe cursed down the phone, “No! I told you to injure him if that’s what you wanted, not kill him! I just wanted Dean.” The short man paced and waited for a response. Then added, “He’s probably dead you idiot” Gabe growled, “I know because I have Dean lying half fucking comatose and dying on my bed. Novak has to be dead or close to it!”

Cas’ mouth hung open. Who the hell was on the other end of that phone?

Cas watched the conversation unfold in awe, “Listen, you piece of shit, this was your idea. You said you needed something dramatic to happen around him for this last line to be a hit. I didn't care because Cas was an obstacle I wanted removed but now they could both die. This will eventually lead back to me! I will not go to prison because your broke ass can't hire a professional! They weren’t even in the damn Limo… No that doesn't mean you try again! Jesus, you’re such a goddamn amateur… Stop… stop crying, you did this. Anthony, you got what you wanted! Everything Dean ever wore for YSL will be worth ten times what it was because he’ll be fucking dead.”

Cas’ heart was racing… oh god…

Gabe continued, “Of course she hasn't said anything she’s their friend! Anthony I swear, you better get your shit in order because the police will be knocking on your door within the hour.” He ended the call and threw his phone onto the bed then ran for the door as the medics arrived.

Cas had stood sometime during all that and once it concluded he crashed back into his chair. Anthony? Had he been behind all this? Cas was having difficulty reconciling their mild-mannered friend with a homicidal maniac. What had Gabe said, he was broke? So both he and Dean had died for money? Why hadn’t he just asked them? He’d been their friend…

“Cas.” Balthazar asked tentatively, “It’s time…”

Cas sat and stared at the screen as the medics tried to resuscitate Dean. Balthazar had muted it so the picture was them shaking their heads, taking his pulse. Cas made out the word ‘coma’. He felt hollow, empty. Gabe cursed and threw a lamp at the wall soundlessly.

“No,” Cas said and it was stronger this time. “Balthazar, no.”

“Cas, we’ve been through this…”

“Eight years?” Cas spat, “I get eight years for it to end like this, for Dean to die like this? No. It’s not happening.”

Balthazar smiled, “I feel like you have a plan.”

Cas was startled by his quick turn around, “I was always rooting for you guys.” The shrug was elegant and followed by a sigh, “Dad won’t be happy but you are his favourite, I’m sure he’ll get over it.”

“Good because I won’t let this happen.”

“So what’s the plan?”

Cas explained and he grinned. “Oh yeah, it’ll work but you owe me”

“Of course.”

Balthazar disappeared and was gone for about thirty seconds. On reappearing he handed Cas a small glass vial full of white glowing light. Opening it, he sucked it into himself and it felt amazing. It was his grace. Only a taste, enough to allow him to do what was necessary but it wouldn’t last more than a few days. He wasn’t an angel but temporarily, he could heal and fly, which was all he needed.

“Thank you, my friend,” Cas said and hugged Balthazar.

“Cas, please don't wrinkle my shirt, it’s Egyptian cotton.”

Cas grinned, “See you soon?”

Balthazar laughed, “Maybe I’ll pop in for a visit.”

With that, he vanished and so did Cas. 

Appearing beside his vessel was a surreal experience. Cas was near dead, the machines had stopped picking up his heart beat a long time ago. His cells and brain function had almost stopped entirely. Folding back into himself was like sucking ice cream through a straw, difficult, clumsy and slow. Eventually, he succeeded and let his grace heal the damage. Opening his eyes was weird. After a few minutes, the doctor entered and stood standing over him with wide eyes as he yawned as if nothing had happened. He reached up and pressed his fingers against his her head.

“There was a mistake. You’ve taken me back to surgery. You’re going to go tell the family and then you’re going to sit in the coffee shop down the street until I come for you. Tell your colleagues you’ve gone home and that you’re unwell.”

Looking down he assessed the gown. This wasn’t going to work. A split second later he was in the hotel room throwing on a t-shirt and sweatpants then he vanished again. Reappearing in the ambulance where Dean was, was rocky. With his powers restored Dean’s soul shone like a beacon in a storm. His landing shook the small vehicle and the driver pulled over, unsure as to what was happening.

Cas touched them all one by one, “There was no emergency, no Dean Winchester.”

Then he moved over to Dean and picked him up like a child in his arms. Vanishing once more he reappeared in their hotel and staggered, he was out of practice. Placing the man tentatively on the bed he smiled, he could fix this.

Sitting by Dean's side he placed his hand over his heart and focused, “Come back my love. Come back to me.”

Dean gasped and lifted from the bed in a shock of life. Coughing he rolled over and heaved air into his lungs. Cas sighed, relieved. That was far too close. He watched as Dean gathered himself, he should have left, he knew that… but he just couldn’t, not in that moment. The taller man rolled over and saw him, eyebrows rising to his hairline almost comically.

“Cas!” he yelled and threw himself at his love. The hug was tight and Dean growled into his shirt. “You’re here. Don't ever do that again! Am I dead? Was it a dream…? I don't understand.”

“I’m an angel, Dean,” Cas said softly not wanting to break Dean’s brain.

“I know Cas…”

“No, I’m an Angel of the lord.”

“Oh god, you’re dead… we’re dead… is this heaven?”

Cas laughed, “No.” he cupped Dean face gently, “This is our room at the Ritz, we’re in Paris and we’re both very much alive.”

Dean frowned, “I don’t understand.”

Cas stood and concentrated, flaring his wings out so Dean could see. The dark shadow appeared against the wall and Dean flinched.

“Please don't be afraid of me Dean… It won’t last, I just borrowed my wings for a while… usually, I’m human.” Cas sat back on the bed. Dean had moved back a little but didn't run screaming which was a good start.

“Wait, so I was dead?” Dean asked.

“Nearly. Dean, why would you do that?” Cas asked, “I’m not worth your life… and Gabriel… ”

“You saw that?” he whispered.

Cas nodded, “I did... “

Dean curled in on himself, “You were gone… I felt… hollow… lost…” then he whipped his head up, “You’re not going again, are you? Please, Cas, don't leave me…”

Cas crawled over the bed and took Dean's face in his hands again, “No, I’m right here. I’ll be with you forever if you’ll let me.”

“Even…” Dean looked distraught, “...even after Gabriel.”

Cas smiled, it was kind and full of love, “You weren’t thinking straight… I forgave you before it even happened.”

“Thank you… I don't think I ever will.”

“I can take it away…” Cas started, “The memory if you like I can remove them all? While I’m like this it's one of my abilities…”

Dean considered it for a second, “You can make it so I don’t remember?

Cas nodded

“You’re really an angel?”

Cas laughed, “Yes.”

“Have you always been an angel?” he asked

“When Jimmy was dying, I tried to save him but he didn't want to be saved. When you found me on the floor of that bathroom? I wasn’t Jimmy anymore. Jimmy had moved on to heaven and he let me have his body so that I could become human. I relinquished my grace a few days after meeting you; I wanted to stay, so I gave it up.”

Dean was frowning, “You stopped being an angel because I helped you up from a bathroom floor?”

Cas laughed, “Yes, you felt it too didn't you? That instant connection?”

“Yeah.” Dean replied, “But I thought it was just me…”

Feeling happier than he had since this ordeal began Cas settled onto the bed. “No, it’s cosmic. We’re soul mates.”

Dean grinned and Cas’ heart leapt, “Soulmates? As in really, not just something I say about you?”

“Well, technically I don't have a soul but my essence recognises yours, it's as close as we can get.”

“This is all so weird… I feel like I’m high.”

“Don’t joke Dean… too soon.”

“Sorry,” he said with a grimace.

“I have to go and clean up this mess… You should sleep.” Cas explained.

“No, don't go… I won't be able to sleep.”

“Yes, you will. I’ll be back when you wake up. Do you want to remember this? What I’ve told you?”

Dean considered it but then nodded, “Yeah. It makes it… better somehow.” then he grimaced again, “Cas, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I lost it…”

Cas hugged him and kissed him hard. “I love you, now sleep.”

It was the last thing Dean heard as his head hit the pillow and Cas vanished. He was feeling whole and more solid than he had in days.


	14. Time after Time

Looking in the mirror Dean couldn't believe that he was standing here. The last few months had been a whirlwind, if it hadn't happened to him, well, he’d never have believed it. You really couldn’t make this shit up.

 

The tux was black, it had been made for him by Chanel and it fit like a glove. It was traditional but with a modern edge and he admired the silver swirls that decorated the hem. His bowtie had the same delicate details and all in all, he looked… ready.

 

Risking creasing the slacks he sat in the armchair that overlooked the stunning bay view. The gardens were particularly colourful this time of year and he took the time to admire it. To focus on everything that Cas saw when he described this place. It was, beautiful with the calming sound of the waves and the splash of vibrant colour against the vivid green of perfect lawns. There was nothing that Cas didn’t like about it and Dean could see why. It was another thing that Dean loved about his angel.

 

He laughed. Cas really was an angel, well had been. How crazy was that? Some days he thought it was a dream. That those few days had been a terrible nightmare but then a memory would raise its ugly head and he’d be thrown back there. The therapist had told him to let them come. That if he was in a safe place that he should work on giving the memories space or they would rise up when he least wanted them.

 

Today was too important to be shrouded by an unwanted bout of flashbacks. So as the memories rose he let them, examined them and interacted with them. The first was Cas returning after ‘cleaning up the mess’ as he called it. Dean had been sleeping; a deep and dreamless sleep when the angel had returned.

 

“Dean?”

 

“Cas!” Dean sat up, “You’re back.”

 

Cas smiled and crawled onto the bed.

 

“Yes, and everything is well. Your family will believe things were not as bad as they had been; I have altered their memory of my injury. Just a scratch so when I 'recover' in a few days, it will be fine.”

 

“What about the hospital staff and the records?”

 

“I had a little help, from a friend; we’ve cleared it all up. You don't have to worry.”

 

Cas had explained about Anthony and it took several hours to work past the anger. The overwhelming urge to hunt him down required constant focus.

 

“How could he do that Cas?” Dean had growled. “I don't understand… I thought he was okay with me leaving for Chanel?”

 

Cas had talked him off the homicidal ledge, especially when Cas explained how close they had been to death’s front door. It all became clear when Gabe and Anthony were arrested. Cas had worked some angel mojo so they’d stayed put. When the police came, they confessed to the attempt on their lives and the limo incident. Cas had ‘beamed’ them into the interview room behind the one way glass so that they could watch the confessions.

 

Gabe’s reasons had been obvious. He thought he was in love with Dean, always had apparently and Dean had laughed dryly at the tale Gabe span. The short man sat in the hard-backed sterile space of the interview room and explained how it had all began.

 

“Anthony and I, we got high one night. It was a thing we did after the season's shows were done.” Gabe shuffled in his seat which he never did, Gabe didn't do uncomfortable. Cas said it was his brain trying to fight the compulsion to confess but he wouldn't succeed. They stood holding hands while he continued.

 

“We’re at this club in VIP and he lets slip that Dean was looking to move designers. That the reason his lines had done so well over the years was that Dean. He was like a magical unicorn and everything he wore became ‘it’. That he’d not fought him because he knew it wouldn’t help. Tony kept on and on about Chanel, about how he didn't know what he was going to do without Dean. The extra cash was being siphoned off to maintain his...bad habits. I’d joked that he needed some good publicity, something dramatic and he could ride the wave through next year, even if Dean wasn’t wearing the line.”

 

Dean cursed, “Jesus. What is wrong with them?”

 

Gabe grimaced, “Tony had laughed and said ‘yeah, an accident would make them love him more, pity always had people throwing money around.” he sighed, “I’d vetoed hurting Dean. I’d made it clear how I felt and he wasn't to be harmed.’

 

“How noble of you.” Dean spat into the dark room. Cas squeezed his hand reassuringly.

 

“A few days later he called me with an idea. I’d moaned about Cas, how Dean was smitten and I wanted him gone. They thought they were fooling everyone but it was there in Dean's eyes every time he spoke about the guy." Gabe face twisted then, it was hate, pure undiluted hate. "Tony said we could both have what we wanted...” Gabe said as he ran his hands through his greasy hair. “He tapped his contact within the family. Meg Masters and she gave him the info he needed about where Dean and Cas would be.”

 

Detective Barthès stopped him and asked, "Was she a part of your plan Mr Angelus, Miss Masters?"

 

“No. She didn't think anything of it. Tony was a friend, he made up some BS about wanting to know Cas’ schedule for a dinner they were hosting. Some aftershow thing and she handed it over. When the shit hit the fan he couldn't get any info from her at all. Maybe she’d realised something was up? I don't know but she shut him down. Then Dean ended up being in the car and I told him to stop the plan because I couldn’t risk it, you know? So when he tried again for the shooting, he had to guess and it backfired, he didn't tell me till after he'd done it. He got a crazy guy to shoot at them… you know how that went.”

 

The detective looked at his notes and asked, "The altercation at the show, was that to do with this?"

 

Gabe huffed, "I wanted to speak to Dean...but yeah it was a distraction."

 

Sam and Eileen, their baby had nearly died because of fucking greed. Dean became incensed.

 

“Can't you just kill them?” he whispered into the silence of the observation room.

 

Cas had smiled, it wasn’t one that Dean had seen before and it was truly terrifying.

 

“I considered it but Hell will be waiting for them, in the meantime jail will not be enjoyable for either of them. I guarantee it.”

 

Dean smiled though it didn't reach his eyes, "You're kinda sexy when you're all murdery."

 

"You're twisted." Cas had whispered with a wry smile.

 

At that moment neither of them felt any remorse for the man sitting in the chair. Dean revelled in knowing that Hell was real and waiting on that son of a bitch. Meg was questioned of course and had been hysterical when she’d realised her part in it. Cas had talked her down when she’d tried to quit and he hadn’t allowed it of course. She hadn’t known, there was no way she could have.

 

Tony’s interview had matched Gabe’s almost word for word except there was more crying and he threw up a few times. Watching it all had provided some closure but when it came down to it the only thing that was going to heal these wounds was time.

 

The media storm took days to catch up with everything. The biggest irony was that the last line of Tony’s sold like hot cakes. Everyone wanted a piece of homicidal history. Dean had donated everything the man had ever designed, he wanted to burn it but Cas had said it was a waste. That someone could do some good with it all. So the clothes had been donated to a charity auction and the funds sent to child abuse survivors. Dean had felt good about it.

 

Sam had been up on his feet in a week and they’d flown back to the states shortly after. The ranch in Lawrence where Sam and Eileen lived most of the year was peaceful. Dean and Cas had not moved back to L.A for a while. It simply didn't feel like them anymore.

 

Dean smiled as he clasped his hands and remembered the weeks that followed. He planned everything perfectly, every detail was thought about and he knew it was time. They’d taken a trip to the Island, a tropical paradise that they escaped to when they needed privacy and quiet. It wasn’t the several month vacation that he needed but it would have to do. Cas was still on contract for a movie and that was a few months away. Disappearing after all the drama wasn't an option, and they didn't want to leave Sam while he was still so fragile.

 

The first week had been them relaxing and making the most of the solitude.  
One evening Dean made dinner and they ate the picnic on the beach. The sun was setting and it was gorgeous. Cas sat in his shorts, nothing else, nibbling on canapés while the warm turquoise waves lapped at his feet.

 

Dean took out the small blue box and opened it, then placed it on the blanket which was holding the food. Then he waited for Cas to notice.

 

“Dean?” Cas whispered, “Is that…?”  
Dean had grinned and rolled onto his knees in the pure white sand.

 

“Yeah.” he laughed and then became serious, “You’re everything to me. You saved my life, twice. You’re my literal guardian angel and my soul mate, I figure it was about time I put a ring on it…”

 

Cas laughed, “Was that a proposal?”

 

Dean picked the slim platinum band out of the box and tilted it into the light.

 

“What…?” Cas took it and read the letters inside, “Forever.”

 

“I know I’m not good at this stuff Cas... “He moved over to his side and brushed his hands of sand before taking Cas; face in them. “This place is one of the most beautiful in the world. It’s paradise but even this slice of heaven on earth doesn’t compare to you. When I look at the ocean I compare it to your eyes. When I feel the softness of the sand I compare it to your skin, everything in my life is about you. I am nothing without you, I am not whole unless you are with me, by my side. You’re it for me. Forever.”

 

Cas stared at him while he took a deep breath, “So, yes. I’m asking you to marry me.”

 

A single tear rolled out of Cas’ stunning blue eyes. He slid the ring onto his finger and then vanished, leaving a stunned Dean kneeling in the sand.

 

A moment later he was back with a black ring box and Dean felt his eyes go wide.

 

Cas opened it and took the band out. It was almost identical to the one he’d bought for Cas. It was simple, plain and perfect. Dean took it.

 

“Look inside.” Cas had urged trying not to cry.

 

Dean tilted the ring into the last light of the setting sun and read the single word, “Always.”

 

Cas took it from him and slipped it on to his finger. Dean felt the tear roll down his warm skin as the metal settled into place. Then he threw himself on top of Cas, mashing their lips together. They kissed like it would be the last thing they would ever do until finally, Dean pulled away.

 

“Was that a yes?” he asked frowning.

 

“Dean Winchester, you’re an idiot.” Cas laughed, “Yes Dean, It was a yes.”

 

“That’s awesome.” he said smiling, “Can we celebrate?”

 

Cas laughed as Dean wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

 

Dean gasped as they landed on the four poster bed that overlooked the ocean. It was a daybed that sat under a canopy of trees and stars that had now started to shine above them.

 

“Could this be more perfect?” Cas said as he slid his hands over Dean’s chest.

 

“If you were naked… that’d be better.”

 

Cas laughed and stripped, "What about you?"

 

Dean lost his shorts in a second and then watched as the sexy angel rolled over and blood rushed to his groin. Lust was burning a hole in his stomach and as he reached for Cas’ hip he shuddered. Could he be any more flawless?

 

“I felt that Dean. What were you thinking about?” Cas asked playfully.

 

“You.” he grinned, “Do you have to give up the angel mojo, I like it.”

 

Laughing, Cas ran his hand through Dean’s hair as he crawled up so that their faces met.

 

“Yes, Dean. It will wear off in a few months and I’ll be human again.”

 

Cas seemed troubled, far away for a moment and then Dean stroked his thumb over his lip. Smiling Cas shook himself back to the moment.

 

“What is it Cas…?”

 

“I can't protect you when I’m human…”

 

Dean froze, “I don't want to sound like a girl but don't leave me... like in the manliest way ...don't leave me okay… I couldn’t… I can’t…”

 

Cas frowned and wrapped his arms around his neck, “It’s okay… I swear, I won’t leave… it's okay…”

 

Dean could feel the panic rising at the thought of being without Cas again. This happened when he thought about what happened even the idea made him freak out and he felt pathetic.

 

“Dean. You’re allowed to feel that way. It scared us both.”

 

“I hate this,” he whispered as he tried to breath past the panic.

 

Cas nodded, “I know.” he leaned up and kissed Dean’s full lips as if they were his only focus. Maybe they were. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”

 

Dean tried to relax, he focused on the kisses. Cas’ hands ran up his ass, his back and then nails into his shoulders. He hissed his lover's name and his body started to respond. Cas wrapped his legs around Dean’s waist and their cocks grew hard as they brushed together.

 

“I love you, Dean Winchester,” Cas whispered into his ear as Dean ran his hand between them to grasp Cas in his hand.

 

“I love you too.”

 

“Oh, Dean…”

 

Dean lubed his fingers and pressed them inside Cas. His ass was tight and warm as he worked him open. Kissing the other man's neck while he was inside him was amazing. On reaching his mouth he sucked and bit his lips until he was throbbing. Dean kissed Cas’ nose, then his lips, to his chin and followed the line of his peck to his nipple. Taking it in his teeth he twisted it and sucked until he could slide a third finger into Cas.

 

“Fuck, Dean…” Cas groaned as he worked his fingers inside him.

 

“Do you want me Castiel?” Dean asked in a deep husky voice. Cas shivered and nodded.

 

“Say it Cas or I’ll stop.”

 

Cas smiled knowing he’d do no such thing but answered anyway, “Yes Dean. I want you. I need you. Fuck me.”

 

Dean grinned, “Your wish is my command.” He withdrew his fingers, added a touch more lubrication and pushed his cock into Cas’ wet opening. As he leaned up Cas met his gaze and ran his fingers over his chest tattoo. It always made Dean twitch and his eyes rolled back into his head as he pushed inside the tight, warm space. The feeling wasn't something he got used too. The velvet, vice-like grip of muscle accepting him inside was amazing. They disappeared inside the moment, the darkness creating a barrier of protection from the rest of the world. The world at this moment was a million miles away. They were alone in their own universe; two beings who had no other want or need but each other. There was only skin. There was only hard, panting breath, nothing could touch them. Nothing could move them from the personal infinity they had created in this ocean bordered Eden. This was everything, this was love.

 

Hissing a breath through gritted teeth Dean rolled his hips and Cas moaned. Cas hands were everywhere as Dean pushed himself inside his fiancée over and over. His sensitive head felt every ounce of pressure, every squeeze and shudder. They kissed and panted until they were both sweaty messes begging for release. Dean sat back so he could grip Cas’ cock as he fucked him and Cas’ wordless growl was enough to push him over the edge. They fell from the precipice into beautiful quivering oblivion and they did it with their hearts, their souls and their warm, wet flesh.

 

Dean rolled over and tried to catch his breath.

 

“Holy shit.” The words were barely a whisper.

 

“Yeah…”

 

They lay there for several long minutes in the silence. Simply listening to the other breathe as the waves crashed over the shore. Dean rolled his head to Cas and smiled.

 

“Cas... what’s heaven like?”

 

Cas took a deep breath and returned the smile and then looked up at the millions of tiny diamonds littering the dark endless sky.

 

“This,” he replied.


	15. All in the family

“Will you stop fidgeting Castiel?” Balthazar scolded for the second time in two minutes.

“Sorry.” Cas apologised… for the second time in two minutes. “I’m nervous.”

His friend scowled playfully, “You have nothing to be nervous about. You are literally a match made in heaven; this is a silly human technicality.”

Cas grinned, “You’re being flippant again.”

The angel held his hand out, “Hello, I’m Balthazar have we met?”

Laughing, Cas rolled his eyes, “You don’t think it's a little…”

“White? Like the core of a star? Like ‘oh my dear lord I’m blind’ bright? Flamboyant? Super Gay?” He took a breath and sighed, “No...Not at all.”

Cas admired his reflection, “Are you sure? I never know when you’re joking.”

Balthazar frowned, “Best to assume always and if for some reason I’m not, I’ll let you know. You know I’m 98% sarcasm.”

“I have become aware of that fact over the last several millennia, yes.”

“See.” Balthazar smiled, “I’m rubbing off on you.”

Cas straightened the pure white jacket again, “Maybe it is too much…”

Huffing, Balthazar placed his hands on Cas’ shoulders from behind, “You’re an angel. It would be sacrilegious if you didn't wear white on your wedding day.”

Cas stared at him, the rare serious moments with his friend were nice but usually didn't last.

“I’m sure father will forgive you for not being a virgin, I mean your fiancée is the prettiest of the apes.”

“Balthazar!” Cas scolded but he was laughing by the end of it.

The angel rolled his eyes, “Fine, he’s a spectacular looking human. You did well.” he huffed, “Better?”

“Much.” Cas chuckled.

“Anyway, I picked out the suit, it’s amazing and you look like a very sexy marshmallow.”

Cas frowned, “Marshmallow?”

“That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.” he grinned.

Cas looked in the mirror, the lines of the suit were amazing. Balthazar wouldn't say who designed it but Cas had a feeling it was someone that could only be accessed by angels. He’d said Dean would know and it would be a fun surprise for him. The pure white three-piece suit was a single-breasted masterpiece. The only colour was on the lapel of the jacket and the waistcoat. The delicate silver swirls that flicked over the material made it shine. 

“ Also, I like the ring,” Balthazar added.

Cas looked at his hand, “Yes, me too. I should probably take it off so you have it.”

Balthazar took out the box that already held Dean’s engagement ring. They’d decided that they would use them instead of adding more jewellery, neither wore much of it and anything else would feel strange. He’d only been wearing a few months but his hand felt bare as he removed it. Balthazar took Dean’s out of the box instead of placing Cas’ in.

“What…?”

“Trust me,” he said and his hand started to glow. The room filled with brilliant light and then faded to nothing. Placing them back in the box he smiled, “My gift to you. They will never be lost and will always find each other.”

Cas felt tears rising, “Thank you…”

“Don’t get all emotional on me. I simply refuse to be called on every time you lose your human.”

Hugging Balthazar was a no-no but he knew how losing Dean had scared Cas. It was a brief embrace but he felt him smile.

“It works both ways Castiel, he will be able to find you too. Even if you go to heaven it will tell him.”

Cas’ eyebrow raised in surprise, “That’s old magic.”

“I have my specialities,” he said with a wry smile.

Cas rubbed his bare hand and sat in the bay window, “Can I have a few minutes?”

“Sure. I’ll be at the bar.” he blinked out.

Cas grinned at the empty space and took a deep shuddering breath. Sitting here admiring the gardens and the bay he wished that Dean was standing next to him.  
It had been a close call those months before and being away from Dean made him anxious even if he was only a few rooms over. That thought drew him into his memories. The last few months had been insane.

Balthazar had helped him clean up the aftermath of the shooting. The following 24 hours had been rough. Meg had been a mess when it all came out and Cas had spent several hours at her home in L.A calming her. Having his wings came in handy. When he’d returned to the ranch Balthazar had healed some of Sam’s deeper injuries. Nothing that would raise suspicion, just enough to help cut the healing time down. Dean’s brother was still fragile but was on the road to recovery. The ranch in Lawrence had been calming but it was difficult to imagine going back to real life after everything. So they’d hidden there and then disappeared to the island. He and Dean had discussed moving from L.A. There was no real need for them to be there anymore. Most of Cas’ movies were filmed in Canada and Dean could travel to anywhere for work. Their base location was more about where they wanted their downtime. Lawrence was Dean’s home and Dean was Cas’ home, so it didn't matter to him. He’d gone out that day and looked at ranches of their own in preparation, he was sure their first place together would be amazing. They could have horses and bees, he smiled at the idea.

The beach proposal had been perfect and Dean had been so happy which made Cas glow. Those weeks had flown by and eventually, they’d had to get back to reality. Cas remembered with joy when they’d returned to Sam and Eileen’s ranch. Meg had flown in at their request and Mary and John had arrived from their place which wasn't far away. Dean had been fighting with his suitcase as they walked up the path and Cas was laughing at him.

“Do you want me to help?” He asked between chuckles.

“Dude, I swear, I can handle luggage.”

Cas frowned playfully, “Can you? From here it doesn’t seem like it.”

Dean threw him a glare, “For that Castiel, you don't get any of my miniature chocolates. Not one.”

“I don't like British chocolate anyway, Too much sugar.”

“I don't even know who you are any more.” Dean scowled, “The Cadbury stuff is awesome. You are so uncultured.”

“You only like it because the airport does them in huge bags of miniatures.”

Dean grinned, “Everything tastes better in miniature… if you tell anyone I said that I’ll deny it.”

Cas laughed, “Fine.”

They walked into the lounge and Sam was the first to welcome them home. He was slightly hunched and limping but his colour was better. Eileen came in next, her hand was still bruised but they’d removed the pins month early due to rapid healing. It had the doctors baffled. Mary and John were in the kitchen and they all congregated on the deck outside where John had started a barbeque. Dean took the whiskey John handed to him and they sat on the soft outdoor chairs.

“We have some news.” Dean started as everyone settled in.

The smell of steaks cooking filled the air and the fire pit crackled, warming the chill of the spring breeze. It was a glorious afternoon, the sky was that flawless blue and the sound of horses galloping in the paddock was soothing. Cas visibly relaxed and watched everyone's faces as Dean announced their engagement.

“Oh my god!” Meg cried, “That’s amazing!”

“Congratulations dude!” Sam grinned.

Mary and John hugged them both, eventually, everyone did.

“That’s two weddings to plan then. Are you and Eileen planning yours for next year?” Mary asked Sam.

Eileen answered, “With the baby on the way we decided to leave it for a few years.” Sam hugged her and placed his hand on her stomach proudly then added, “Yeah. We don’t need any more stress after… yeah. So, we’re leaving it for a while, there’s no rush.”

Mary nodded, “And you two?”

Dean answered, “Two months.”

Mary’s jaw dropped, “That’s… we can’t plan a wedding in two months!”

Meg laughed, “I can. Keeping it small I assume?”

“Yes, Meg.” Cas said, “Everyone here and a few additions.”

She smiled, “I’ll get on that.”

And she had because two months later and here they were, it was perfect. It was the Hamptons in the summer with a bay view and their closest friends and family, what could be better? Dean had suggested Vegas and Cas had nearly dropped him in the Grand Canyon to think over his life choices.

A knock on the door had him falling back into the moment.

“Come in.”

John entered and Cas frowned, “John. Is everything okay?”

He smiled reassuringly and nodded, “Yeah. I just…”

The tall man looked uncomfortable and shuffled in his suit. He gestured to the window seat that Cas had stood from then he’d entered and they both sat.

“I wanted to ask… I know your own dad isn’t in the picture…” he ran his hand towards his hair then stopped. Mary had probably scolded him not to mess with it. He huffed, “I thought this would be easier. I practised and everything…”

Cas smiled, he looked so much like Dean, so unsure of himself. “It’s okay…”

John smiled tightly, “Can I, Can I walk you down the aisle?”

Cas’ jaw dropped, “I thought you were giving Dean away?”

John chuckled, “Mary wanted to. You know, no daughters so she doesn't get to be the mother of the bride, Dean asked and she said yes. You’re like a son to me, I’d be honoured… I mean if you want to.”

Cas became a little choked up, “Yes. I’d love that John. Thank you.”

“Good,” he said and cleared his throat then clasped Cas’ arm but Cas pulled him into a hug.

The large man coughed again and Cas grinned over his Armani clad shoulder. Dean had talked him into the expensive suit with the argument that he was only getting married once. Then added if it bothered him that much Sam wouldn't mind him reusing it at his.

“Good,” John said as he pulled away. “Okay, so I’ll see you down there?”

Cas nodded and John stood, rubbing his hands on his suit slacks nervously. Then he seemed to remember that the suit was worth more than his car and stopped. Cas laughed as the door closed, now the day was even more perfect.

Balthazar appeared a few seconds later, “It’s time. You ready?”

Cas grinned, “Yes.”

They walked down the stairs and Balthazar moaned about how slow humans were, Cas laughed.

“Cas!” Meg beamed, “Oh my god, you look… spectacular.”

“You really do,” said Jack who was walking her down the aisle. The bright blue of Meg’s dress complimented the periwinkle blue of Jack’s tie. She really had outdone herself, everything was stunning.

“Wow.” a voice called from behind him and he turned to Eileen. Blushing he hugged her and Meg both.

“Thank you.” he smiled.

“This is… I’m going outside.” Balthazar said scowling and left.

“He’s a little strange, Cas,” Meg said laughing.

“You have no idea,” he replied with a grin.

“Oh, Castiel…” Mary cooed, “I swore I wouldn't cry but… my god, you look perfect.” she choked as she approached him. They were all stood in the conservatory that went out into the garden. The ceremony was going to take place with a view of the ocean under a blue hydrangea covered arch.

“Have you seen Dean?” he asked smiling at her as she dabbed her eyes with a pocket handkerchief.

She nodded, “He looks amazing but then my boy always does, doesn't he?”

Cas laughed, “Yes, he does.”

“Dude, that suit.” Sam laughed as he walked up, “It’s like staring at the sun.”

Cas smiled, “Hi Sam.”

Eileen punched his shoulder and he looked sheepish, “but you look great. I should have started with that, sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Cas laughed

“Like an angel,” Eileen said and Cas laughed harder, although no one got the joke that he thought was hilarious.

“Sorry, inside joke,” Cas said composing himself.

“John? Is everything all right?” Mary asked as her husband approached.

“Yes wife, I’m giving Cas away.”

They all grinned and said how amazing it was. Cas was glowing as John awkwardly linked him. The music kicked in and it was a surprise. It shouldn't have been but it was. Cas grinned and the rest of the party looked at him with a varying frowns.

“This is the music you chose?” John asked trying to sound positive and not judgmental.

Cas laughed, “Dean chose mine. I chose his.”

“What is this?” Eileen asked, “It’s...er morose, Sam is this...”

“Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata,” Cas said as he smiled. He closed his eyes and bathed in it, “It’s one of my favourites. It was playing the first time we kissed.”

Sam looked over, “I remember that night. It was one of my last performances with the London Philharmonic. I thought you’d explode with happiness.”

“Yeah. It was a great night.” Cas added then on realising they were supposed to be walking, “You guys should go.”

Eileen took Sam’s arm and started to walk, followed by Meg and Jack. Mary leaned in and looked at him, “Better go to Dean, welcome to the family Castiel. We’re both so happy Dean's got you.”

Cas swallowed tears, “Thank you, Mary.”

“Okay, I have to go before I ruin my makeup.”

John kissed his wife and then turned to Cas, “Ready?”

Cas turned and nodded at John, “Ready.”


	16. The memory remains

The music had kicked in and Dean wished he could see Cas’ expression but he’d lost the coin toss. So, he was the one walking out second.

Cas had wanted to see his face as he walked down the aisle and Dean had objected. It had seemed like the only civilised way to solve it. Though Dean still maintained they should have done best out of twelve to really be sure.

Smiling at the memory he made his way down the stairs and met his Mom half way.

“Oh honey…” she cried.

“Mom, you saw me like ten minutes ago.” he smiled and hugged her awkwardly on the stairs.

“I know but you’re a vision.”

“Is Cas okay? Did he like the song?” Dean asked nervously but was unsure why.

“He loved it, something about your first kiss?”

Grinning he nodded, “Yeah, it was an amazing night.”

The memory came in a flash and Dean stood there and let it wash over him.

They had been in London for Sam’s concert. Their box was on the third balcony, secluded, they’d been alone and had held hands all the way through. It was one of the times fate had given them a reason to be in the same place at the same time. Sam was Cas’ friend and Dean’s brother, Cas was a classical connoisseur, Dean was there as familial support. They’d been dating for a while but it was still a little awkward for Dean. He’d never dated a guy, sex, yes but adult dating, no. Sometimes he wasn't sure what he was and wasn't supposed to do.

As the concert had finished they’d moved behind the curtain that separated the viewing area and the corridor. Dean had gone for it. Cas had been in front of him and he grabbed his hand and stopped him. Beethoven’s moonlight sonata had started playing through the speakers as the Opera house emptied.

“Dean?” Cas had asked with a frown.

Dean responded by tugging the shorter man's hand then pressing his black tux up against Cas'. Which eliminated the space between them in a few short seconds. Raising his hands to Cas’ face made the angles eyes flutter closed.

“Look at me Cas..” he’d whispered as the sound of people milling about started to fill the corridor. Cas did and those big blue eyes had shone with love. Dean moved in slowly as Cas’ hands found his waist. Their lips met in a brush until Cas pressed harder and Dean whined into his lips. 

Jesus, had anything ever been this good, ever? Nope. 

The world fell away and they stood there kissing tentatively. The exploration of each other's mouths was meticulous and curious, like lovesick teenagers. Cas’s lips had caressed Dean’s and that was all he could feel, the silk perfection of Cas’ mouth on his. Dean had pulled back and with his eyes closed then sucked his bottom lip into his mouth. It took several long seconds to recover from the best kiss of his life.

“Shit.” he’d cursed

Cas, who had been still unsure of human etiquette frowned as he tried to catch his breath, “Was is not… You didn't like it?”

Dean’s eyes had flown open and his heart had broken a little at the look on Cas’ face. He knew right then that love wasn't a word that he should have ever used before he met this man. The sheer desperation of getting that look off his face was overwhelming. This was love.

“Oh Cas.” he’d sighed as he put his hands back on his lightly stubbled face, “That was the best moment of my entire life.”

“Good.” he’d grinned it was a brilliant smile and Dean had melted.

“I... if you were a chick I’d be hauling you back to my room right now… but I err… I’m not sure what to do. I’ve...shit”

Cas watched him intently and Dean had squirmed on the spot.

“I am staying at Claridges in the Royal Suite. I’m going there, so if you want to join me I’ll leave the key at the desk. If not, then I’ll see you back in the states?” Cas had smiled and then turned and left, leaving Dean stunned with no idea what to do.

The ball was very firmly in his court and he stood in that in-between for a good ten minutes. Going over and over it in his mind he had no idea what to do. He was horny as all hell but he’d not been with a guy for… well, a long time. Shit, shit.

“Dean?” Sam had called coming through the curtain, “Are you coming? The limo is waiting.”

Nodding absentmindedly he followed Sam and Eileen down to the entrance, then out the doors into the soaking London night. As they approached the Limo Dean had changed his mind.

“Sammy, I’m going to walk.”

Sam had frowned and shouted, “It’s torrential, get in the car!”

Dean had stepped out from the umbrella Tom was holding, “I can’t I need to walk!”

Sam had cursed and told Tom to go with him, “I’ll be fine!” he’d shouted over the rain and Tom had mercifully stayed. This was before Cas started getting threats on Dean’s life.

He had walked in the general direction of the Savoy where he was staying with Sam. Then he changed his mind and turned around to trek the streets of London in the pouring rain. He was soaked in a matter of minutes. As he walked, he pushed his hands through his hair over and over in frustration. The bow tie came off next and he left it draped around his neck. The suit which cost more than his Chevy was lagged with water so he removed it and gave it to a homeless person. His phone was vibrating in his pocket, probably Sam asking why he wasn't back at the hotel yet. He replied so he didn't worry him and told him to not wait up, he was fine. 

Dean found himself thinking through every single scenario that could happen if he went over to Cas’ hotel. How awful it could be. What if he freaked out? What of the memories became too much? What if he couldn’t…?

He needed a drink. The nearest bar was his refuge. He’d sat his drenched body onto a stool in a quiet bar at midnight on a weekday in a foreign city. The bartender was a stocky yet short guy who brought him a twenty-year-old scotch when he asked for whiskey, he literally said 'Whiskey'. Dean had downed it which got him an unpleasant look and younger scotch.

“Well if you’re going to neck it, son, I think you’re best drinkin' the Bells.” The guy had a thick accent that Dean couldn’t place but drunk what he was given. Uncaring as long as it took the edge off.

“Woman troubles?” The guy had asked.

Dean frowned, “Something like that.”

“Ah, a yank. Makes sense now.”

“What does?” He asked with his eyebrow raised.

“The outfit, the scotch… very dramatic.”

Dean smiled, “I’m… I don't even know…”

The guy laughed. “Where love is concerned son, that’s usually the case.” he picked up a towel and polished a glass, “Name’s Dennis.”

“Dean.” He’s said as the liquor warmed him.

“Well Dean, you wanna spill your troubles to a stranger? Helps you know.”

Dean frowned, “There’s… a person waiting for me. A very amazing, perfect, sexy person… who is too good for me.” he punctuated it with another shot, “Far too good for me. I think...they’re delusional but they seem to like me...I… have no fucking idea what I’m doing.”

“So this guy loves you too huh?” Dennis said grinning.

“I didn't say-”

“Didn’t need to, this is London. I’ve seen it all and you are not saying 'the woman', so it’s a guy.” The jolly man chuckled, “Hey, I’m not judging.”

“Fine.”

“You want my advice?”

Dean nodded because anything right then would have been better than the storm in his mind.

“If this guy wants you, then mate you have to try. It’s not up to you to decide if he can do better. If this guy loves you, then you have to give yourself a shot at being worthy of it. Also, don't be a dick and make people's choices for them.”

He sat and mulled it over through three love songs and a rock duet from the karaoke in the corner. Then he made a choice to go there. It couldn't hurt, just go to the hotel and you know, see. Could it?

Dean nodded, “Thanks…” he stood threw down far too much cash and spun, “Where is Claridges from here?”

The guy laughed, “A few streets over.” and gave Dean the directions.

The last shot burned down his throat and he stepped outside into the rain. Shivering, he ran in the given direction and five minutes later slammed to stop in front of the hotel. His shirt was sticking to him and his hair was a wet mess. The doorman looked at him and he could see the assessment, was he homeless? Deranged? The suit was vintage so obviously not.

“Sir? Are you a guest?”

Dean froze as the guy popped his black umbrella over Dean’s head.

“Er, someone I know is. I…” he needed a sign, something that showed he was doing the right thing.

“Sir, if you are unsure, maybe step into the bar and get dry? That is an expensive suit and you’re dripping.”

Dean smiled, “It’s Brioni. You have a good eye.”

“You have to, goes with this job Sir, now come inside, it’s a crime to have such a good suit ruined by such British weather.”

Laughing, Dean entered through the glass-panelled doors. The doorman showed him into the bar and got him one of the hotels monogrammed towels. Well, he was here and Cas was up there and he gazed at the ceiling.

Oh, fuck it. Walking to the reception the assistant looked him over,

“Can I help you, sir?”

“Err, yeah. A guest left a key for me?”

“The room sir?”

“Penthouse, err, Royal suite Should be under Winchester, the key not the room.”

“Of course sir, one moment.” the clerk picked up the phone and called the suite, “Yes, Mr Thomas? This is the front desk; we’re confirming the gentleman who is collecting your key… Yes sir, of course. I will accompany him personally. Of course, sir, thank you.” 

Dean followed the man in the starched uniform to a private elevator and before he knew it he was at the door to Cas’ room.

The guy knocked for him, which was something he still didn’t understand, he could knock his damn self.

Cas opened the door and the receptionist excused himself.

“Mr Thomas?” Dean had asked.

Cas laughed, “A necessity, privacy.”

Dean entered as Cas motioned into the room. Like all expensive hotels, it was tastefully and traditionally furnished. It was like Georgian England had decided to get a modern makeover and throw up all over the room. 

Shaking, he was shaking. He couldn't figure out if he was shaking from the cold or nerves. The alcohol had him at a slow buzz and the towel hung limply at his side while he dripped all over the pristine carpet.

“Dean, you’re wet.” 

Dean looked down at himself, “Yes. I am.”

Cas moved into his personal space to move past him to the drinks counter and then out of it. He didn't know whether to be relieved or annoyed. A music channel was playing in the background and Dean watched because he had no idea what to do with himself. He needed a sign… right; the next song that comes on… that’ll be the sign. Cas came back in with a fresh towel and champagne then sat on the couch in front of the flat screen. He touched the remote and Dean asked him to leave it on. The three minutes of commercial and slow drying his hair were painfully slow but he laughed as the next song came on.

“What?” Cas asked.

“This just became my new favourite song.” He said and took Cas’ drink from him.

Confused, Cas simply smiled as Dean moved closer.

“I want you. I don't know what you want... but I want you,” he whispered.

“Just you.” Cas smiled and Dean felt the happy all the way to his toes.

That night they’d made love. They slept all night tangled together and spent the week avoiding everyone while they got to know each other.

“Dean?” his Mom prompted, “Baby, you’re crying.”

He coughed, “I’m good Mom, sorry. Happy memory.”

“Okay, let's go huh?”

The instructions that Dean had were to walk and the song would start as he got closer to the aisle, Cas wanted to watch him. His angel was a total voyeur.

His Mom linked him and they strode out into the morning light. Halfway around the bend, the guests came into view and then Cas. The world narrowed to the perfect man in the most stunning suit he’d ever seen. Cas was grinning as he nodded and the music kicked in. Violins played the introduction and it took him a second but it shouldn’t have been a surprise. He barked a laugh as Taylor Swift - Fearless played from the string quartet under the tree to his right. 

As he approached Cas he couldn’t stop laughing. Everyone was confused and Dean leaned in and kissed his man.

“You are… I have no words.” Dean whispered.

“Hello, Dean.” Cas whispered back, “You look amazing.”

“I love the song Cas… I can’t believe you remembered.”

Cas frowned like he used to when human things confused him. This time Dean knew he was trying to be funny, “You said it was your new favourite song.”

Laughing Dean kissed him again and the officiate coughed, “Shall we begin?”

Dean took Cas’ hand, “Sure. It can’t happen soon enough.”

“Dearly beloved…” she began.


	17. We happy few

Cas couldn’t stop smiling. He’d tried, his face hurt, so he really had tried but it wasn't happening. Dean was dancing with Mary, he looked… at peace. It was everything and as ‘So Close’ by Jon McLaughlin played he smiled and moved with his Mom. Cas sighed, this was it. This was the whole point of being human. He took a moment to simply be, in the millennia he’d existed, nothing compared to this day, this time. 

 

Watching Dean was one of Cas’ favourite things and when he’d ‘won’ the coin toss for the seventh time he’d called it quits. Dean had conceded. There were accusations of cheating but nothing his husband would ever be able to prove. Husband… wow. It had been worth cheating to see Dean laugh and smile as he walked down the aisle. He’d do it again in a heartbeat.  
The officiate started with ‘Dearly beloved…’ Cas had fallen into Dean’s eyes. Then everything had become hyper-focused when Dean had started his vows, 

“Castiel is an angel.” He began and Balthazar had laughed, so had Cas. “He rescued me from, well, me. He is the kindest, most selfless and most gorgeous being that I have ever met and I thank the universe every day for him. I swear on my wardrobe that every day I am married to you I will strive to be as good as you are, as kind as you are. To love you through every high and low that our journey brings us. Not even death will part us, I will be with you forever.’ 

 

There had been tears and cooing from the crowd, yes it was beautiful. Cas had taken a minute to breathe because he absolutely did not want to sob like a baby… it had been a close call. Finally, he’d composed himself enough to speak. 

 

“Dean… from the minute we met I knew you would be it for me. I know people don't believe in love at first sight but that is the only way to describe how I felt looking at you. It was like stepping into a room and remembering it is was and had always been my safe place. When you look at me I feel like you see me, not the superficial things but for me, who I really am inside. I feel like I lived millennia before you... and each of those long years was worth the vast emptiness of simply existing so that I could have you now. I would do it all again in a second. I promise with my whole being, that I will love, support you and stay by your side for eternity. For always.” 

 

The guests had clapped and cheered. The officiate had done the wrap-up and they’d shared their first amazing kiss as a married couple. 

 

“You know, you’ll get bored of watching him eventually, I’m sure,” Jack said laughing. 

 

“Hi, Jack.” Cas said snapping back to the present, “I’m sorry-”

 

“I was joking, you stare away. You look so happy.”

 

Cas nodded, “Yes, I really am.”

 

“Cas… I’m sorry about everything… I should have stayed in France and visited but-”

 

Turning, Cas placed his hand on the younger man’s shoulder, “No. It was a hard time. Don't apologize. I’m glad you came today.”

 

“Thanks and congratulations. He’s like a dad to me. I know it's weird cause he’s not that much older but he taught me everything I know about cars…” he laughed, “...and tuxes.”

 

Cas grinned, “He’s very multi-skilled. Has he told you we might be moving back to Lawrence?”

 

Starring Jack grinned, “No!” The hug came out of the blue and Cas laughed. 

 

“We haven’t made it official yet but it's on the agenda.” Cas rubbed Jack's back. 

 

“That’s epic. I’m doing Nascar next year will you come?”

 

Cas smiled, “We wouldn’t miss it.” 

 

“Yes!” he bounced on the spot like a puppy, “It’ll be great. We can have barbeques and go riding and shopping... “ he stopped and a blush spread up his cheeks, “Sorry…”

 

“It’s great. I love watching you get excited and I know Dean is too. I’m sorry your Mom couldn’t come.”

 

Jack smiled, “She was working, you know. Getting time off from the president is hard, especially at such short notice.” 

 

Cas ran his fingers over his champagne glass, “You’ll have to bring her over one day once we settle in. It'd be nice to see her.” 

 

“Sure Cas, she’s such a huge fan of yours. You know she’d love to bring you her peach cobbler and have you talk about your movies.” 

 

He laughed, “I had to eat the last one by myself because Dean was on a juice cleanse. Neither of us was happy about it.” 

 

“Yeah, she does go a bit OTT.” he smiled and sipped his beer. 

 

Cas smiled at the memory, it had been a huge catering pan sized cobbler and had taken him three solid days to make a dent in. Dean had moaned the whole time because he was prepping for a topless shoot and couldn't eat, well anything. 

 

“May I cut in?” Dean’s voice came from behind him. 

 

“Dean!” Jack called, “Congratulations!” 

 

“Thanks, Jacky,” Dean said as he hugged him. 

 

“They want us to do our pictures, you coming?” Dean asked him as he took his hand. 

 

Cas looked over Dean's shoulder to Charlie their photographer, “Sure.” 

 

They followed her out into the gardens and she snapped away. Between her asking them to smile and pose there wasn’t much time to talk. Thankfully, after thirty minutes she wrapped up and went back inside. They were left alone in the beautiful garden overlooking the ocean as the summer sun shone in the sky. 

 

“Do you remember the first time we came here?” Dean asked as they sat on a bench looking over the sea.

 

Cas thought about it for a second then nodded, “Yeah.”

 

It had been two months since London. Cas was on a break from filming in Alaska, Dean was finishing up Fall shows in Milan. They’d both been travelling to New York anyway and decided to take the four weeks to spend some time together. It had been cold, very very cold. Cas had Meg rent his usual house, this house, on the bay, it wasn’t huge, 4 bed, a heated pool which the owners kept going all year. It was one of Cas’ favourite places on earth. Dean met him here; Cas had been in his sweats with the fire roaring in the lounge as he arrived. 

 

They’d been apart for months and Skype wasn't cutting it anymore. Dean had walked in the door and thrown himself into Cas arms. They’d descended into a hot mess in front of the fire and stayed there for an hour getting reacquainted. 

 

Lying wrapped in a blanket propped on Dean’s chest, naked, was one of his favourite memories. That whole month they’d barely left the house for fear of being spotted and also they really didn't want to. They’d had groceries delivered and spent their day's binge-watching Cas’ movies and Dean’s favourites. They’d made love in every room in the house and then some. Yeah, this place had some amazing memories. 

 

“It was an amazing month wasn’t it?” Dean said taking his hand, “It was one of the happiest times of my life. I felt like anything was possible when you were with me.” 

 

Cas snuggled into his shoulder, “Me too. This place has such good memories. I’m always sad when we can’t rent it, nowhere else feels the same.” 

 

Dean grinned and Cas moved back.

 

“What?” Cas asked curiously. 

 

Dean’s hand dipped inside his jacket and he pulled out a box and placed it in Cas hand. 

 

“What…” Cas opened the box, “Keys?”

 

“I bought it… this place, for us. So we can meet here while we’re working.”

 

Cas grinned, “Oh Dean, that’s amazing!” 

 

They’d talked about it once but had then dismissed it. They couldn’t be seen together that often, but now...now everything was different. 

 

“You like it?” Dean asked sheepishly, “It’s not too much?” 

 

Cas laughed and hugged him, “No it’s fantastic.” 

 

They embraced for a long minute and then Dean turned to him, “Cas, my ring felt weird when I put it on, did you do something to it?”

 

“Balthazar gave us a gift. Try taking it off.” Cas asked and Dean did, “Now go over there and face that tree.” 

 

Dean laughed, “Okay…” but did as he was asked and the span and stared at Cas, “Oh My God. It’s like I can feel it!” 

 

“You can’t lose it and if you close your eyes and think of me…” Cas offered and Dean obliged and then gaped mouth wide. 

 

“I can feel where you are, it’s like GPS.” he grinned then it faltered, “I mean, it’s great but don't you think it’s a little… stalkery?” 

 

Cas laughed, “After everything we’ve been through? No. I think it’s perfect.” 

 

Dean exhaled, “Good because I love it.”

 

“We should get back.” Cas said, “We have to fly out in a few hours.”

 

“Ah yes, the secret honeymoon destination. I’m excited,” he sounded more annoyed than excited.

 

“You will never guess Dean so don't try.” Cas scolded. 

 

“Fine, but you know I hate surprises.” 

 

Smiling Cas turned back. The party was in full swing as they stepped inside and everyone came over to congratulate them again. The Dancing and frivolity went on for hours and was punctuated by speeches from Dean’s Parents. Jimmy’s parents had died when he was younger and he only had a few friends that had stuck around when he’d become Cas. There were thirty guests in total and the lounge where the tables were laid out was intimate and casual. Meg had outdone herself. 

 

Meg was the one who grabbed him as he was dancing with Mary, “Cas, it’s time.”

 

They said their goodbyes and headed out. The limo waited out front and drove them to the private airport where they got into the private plane. Cas spoke to their pilot Carlos and he whispered what the flight time was so that Dean couldn’t hear. 

 

“Dude...seriously… we’ve been all over the world, I don't know why you’re keeping it such a big secret,” he whined. 

 

“Because it’s my thing. You agreed.” 

 

Dean slouched back into the monogrammed beige leather seats of ‘Baby’s Angel’ which is what they’d named the private jet. Well, Dean had, his logic was ‘A jet is the only thing keeping up with 'Baby.' If I can only drive as fast as my guardian angel, and that’s you then 'Baby' should have her own angel. The jet is like your ‘Baby’ and she flies.’ So, here they were. Sitting on chairs that were monogrammed with 'Baby's Angel' in a swirling grey font...Dean logic. 

 

They talked about the wedding and the house in the Hamptons before drifting off to sleep for an hour. Three hours after takeoff they landed. 

 

“You have to wear this and this,” Cas said and Dean laughed. 

 

“No...Cas ...seriously?” 

 

“Yes Dean you promised!” he grinned.

 

“Damn it.” 

 

The noise cancelling headphones and blindfold were overkill but he wasn’t risking it. He led Dean down to the car, Raj was driving them today. The journey was only twenty minutes but Dean was like a child. 

 

“Cas! Pleeeeeeease…”

 

“No,” Cas answered knowing he couldn't hear him.

 

“Castiel?” Raj asked, “Can't I knock him out? Just for the drive?”

 

Cas laughed, “I’m sorry Raj, you know he’d be worse when he woke up.” 

 

Raj laughed and put the partition up. 

 

Cas got comfy in his jeans. The suit had been terrifyingly white and he’d been afraid to wear it to travel in, so they’d both changed on the Jet. His leg was twitching as nervous got the best of him.

 

Fields passed in a wash of green and brown, it was hot here this time of year and Cas wished he’d put his shorts on. Thank humans for air con. They pulled up at the ranch not long after and Cas took a deep breath. The place was big, at least ten thousand square feet; it was in a 'craftsman' style the realtor had said. Cas just knew Dean liked the wood and brick together, that’s why he’d like the cabin in Canada. It had heated indoor and outdoor pools and a Jacuzzi. Cas had all their things moved here from L.A and had made some executive furnishing decisions. It was theirs and it was Dean’s wedding gift. 

 

Raj opened the front door and Cas walked Dean in. He led him through the main hall to the back living space where the sofas sat. It had an open fire for winter and a stunning view over their fifteen acres of land. It was secure with cameras and fences, they’d be safe here. 

 

“Okay.” Cas said as he took Dean’s headphones off, “Take the blindfold off.”

 

Dean did and it took a second to adjust to the light streaming in from the huge windows. 

 

“So, you brought me a house. I brought you a house.” he laughed, “Welcome home Dean.” 

 

Dean looked around and noticed his college picture that had been on his wall in LA. 

 

“Cas. When did you? How did you? Where are we?” 

 

“Were back in Kansas Toto.” he laughed.

 

“Oh my god, you brought us a ranch?” Dean whispered as he looked over the furniture. 

 

“Yes. I thought we should be near to your family, after everything. You said it was a good idea, so I did it. I love it here.” 

 

Dean walked through the folding doors outside and didn’t speak for several long minutes. Standing with his eyes closed on the deck at the back of the property, his face in the summer sun; a small smile played on his face. 

 

“Dean?” Cas asked tentatively, “Are you okay? Is this… if you don’t like it I can sell it…”

 

Dean sighed and reached his hand out and Cas took it, “Cas this is literally the best day of my life. Just come and stand with me.”

 

“All right Dean.”

 

“Oh and Cas?”

 

“Yes, Dean.”

 

“I didn't think I could love you any more than I did but this, this is amazing. Thank you.” 

 

Cas beamed, “I love you too Dean.”


	18. The curious case of Dean Winchester

“Where’s the bedroom?” Dean asked. 

He was warm from the summer air and this was the happiest he’d been, ever. Turning, he looked at Cas who had a quizzical expression. 

“Upstairs…” Cas answered and Dean dragged him into his chest. 

“I want to thank you, you know… really thank you.” he grinned. 

Cas blushed and Dean loved it, catching Cas off guard was unusual and fun when it happened. The sun was making its final descent of the day, twilight was firmly in play and Dean was eager to finish it right. 

“Go upstairs and wait for me?” He asked and Cas smiled. 

“Okay, Dean.” 

Then he watched his man leave. Jesus, could he be any sexier? Nope. Walking around the house he touched his things, his pictures and smiled to himself. Their wedding pictures would look amazing upon these walls, their walls. Their home. Cas had outdone himself, he really had. 

The stairs took him some time, he admired the craftsmanship, he loved natural things. The curved cherry wood staircase was stunning. Cas had put all their main pictures up here, shots they’d had on their computers but couldn't have in their homes. It was a torrent of memories and he revelled in every single one. 

Finally, he made it to the master bed. The grey shades were calming and highlighted by silver and grey sheets that Cas was spread out over. He was fully clothed except for his shoes and socks which were in a pile by the window. The urge to crawl over the bed was overwhelming but he wanted to remember everything about this moment. He wanted it like a movie in his mind, forever. The view from upstairs was nothing short of stunning. Fields as far as the eye could see were marred only by small sections of woodland that created a natural border to the property. It gave a sense of privacy, there was a stream that Dean glimpsed as he walked over the glass to get a better view. This place was heaven. Speaking of, he turned back to the bed. 

Cas was propped on the mass of silver and grey pillows that covered the bed, which was huge. It was Cas’ from his L.A mansion and custom made it was a King and a half in size. It took up most of the room. His angel lay in the centre at the top with his arm bent under his head and he watched Dean slink like a cat towards him.

Standing at the end of the bed he admired the best view of the day. Cas’ black jeans hugged all the right places and his dark brown t-shirt pulled tight over his sculpted chest. All that deliciousness and his eyes kept being pulled back to one spot. Cas knew it had that effect, he did it on purpose but it didn't make Dean any less infatuated with the outcome. Dean’s gaze was pulled to where those snug jeans and the t-shirt met, or in this instance, didn’t. The strip of tanned flesh that bordered his husband’s lower stomach and hips were his only focus. A deep, slow, shuddering breath took him. Yep, he was done. 

His knees met the bed and he crawled up toward Cas between his legs and stopped at his crotch. Looking up, he met Cas’ gaze. Those ocean blue eyes were filled with lust and Dean’s cock throbbed painfully. Without a word, he focused on that strip of skin. Leaning in he let out a warm slow breath, a whisper, over the fine hair that decorated Cas’ hips. 

“Dean…” Cas said and it was a breath of air, barely a word. 

The softness of his lips touched that sacred space achingly slow. Dean’s eyes rolled back in his head. Holy god... The tiny butterfly kisses he left along that strip were so light and delicate that his entire body was roaring at him to go faster. To act quicker but that wasn't happening today. Dean was memorising every second of this. This was their moment, their time and nobody, not even he could take that from him. Dean propped himself up. One arm either side of Cas as the kisses travelled back and forth along that inch of exposed tan perfection. He really didn't know how something so small could bring him so much joy, but it did. 

Opening his lips, he deepened the kisses. His tongue flicked licking the surface of Cas’ skin, he could taste salt from where Cas had sweat earlier. As his mouth followed the line of his jeans for the third time he paused at one of the sexy hip bones which peaked above the material. Running his tongue over it made Cas’ breath catch and Dean smiled. Using light pressure his teeth grazed over it, like testing ripe fruit before filling his mouth with its succulent perfection. 

Dean wanted to play, so he rolled up and moved outside Cas’ legs to lie next to him but still with his head at hip level. Propping his head with his arm he ran his fingers over where his lips had left damp trails. Cas’ cock was a solid reminder of how badly they both wanted to get naked and fuck, but this was the best form of torture. He was worshipping at the altar of an angel and rushing it would be a crime. 

His fingers ran over the soft skin and he moved them to inside the waistband of the black jeans. Cas’ breathing was heavy and he groaned as the tips grazed his most sensitive part. Relinquishing his quiet control for a second, Dean took the pulsing dick in his hand adjusting it. 

“Oh, Jesus Dean…”

Dean grinned but Cas couldn’t see it. His fingers skimmed those amazing hip bones and Dean pause to run his hand over the length of Cas' hard dick. Caressing the material he finished with his thumb playing with the exposed head. The urge to use his tongue was overwhelming and after the last pass with his fingers, he let himself indulge. Moving, he lifted himself up and propped his arm over Cas’ other side. He gazed up at his man who stared at him until it became physically uncomfortable to look up at that angle. Dean broke the contact. Instead, he watched his tongue as it flicked over the throbbing flushed skin of Cas’ cock. Then relaxed it so the broad palate of muscle was able to glide over and then retract. Cas smelled like honey and a very expensive aftershave with a vanilla base. Dean had brought it as his pre-wedding gift and the combination was delicious. He relished it for a second, closing his eyes, breathing deep to avoid tearing Cas’ clothes off. It was a level of restraint he didn't demonstrate often but again he reassured himself, it’d be worth it. 

Moving upwards made it easier to focus. He rolled to his knees and sat with his legs either side of Cas facing him. Their groins touched but with four layers of material between them, it could have been miles. It was just another painful tease. 

Astride Cas, he shuffled back as he pushed his t-shirt up to expose his abdomen and ribs. Inch by inch he kissed and licked his way up Cas’ torso. Those tiny kisses and licks drew deliciously sensual and erotic gasps from his husband. It had Dean shuddering from head to toe. Using light teeth on Cas’ ribs had him gasping Dean’s name. The resistance of the bone covered by delicate skin was an exquisite combination of textures. His skin was super sensitive there and Cas wriggled as he moved over it. Dean let his hand trail up and down where his tongue had been and eventually down to where Cas’ dick throbbed. Taking a nipple in his mouth, he licked and kissed it while rubbing Cas’ head lightly with his fingers. 

“Dean… I’m dying…”

That was the perfect moment for more teeth and Dean ran them over the tight, sensitive bud. It had Cas biting the back of his own hand in frustration. On his knees, he moved so that he could help Cas take the shirt off and threw it across the room. Meeting Cas’ eyes he couldn’t help but kiss him when they were this close. Their lips met in a wave of sexual fury and Cas wrapped himself around Dean, groaning like a starving animal. They bit and licked and tasted until Dean had to pull away, he wasn’t done. 

Cas gasped for air and frowned, “Dean… seriously…”

Dean knew his eyes were full of lust and mischief, “I’m savouring you. You wouldn't deny me this would you?”

Grabbing a pillow Cas groaned loudly into it, “You’re evil…and I’ve met demons...this is...” The wordless scream was enough to have Dean chuckling to himself. 

Dean felt a little bad, so he crawled down to where the frustration lay, then undid the buttons. All the while he watched Cas' face. His long fingers grazed the pulsing length as he moved each brass catch. Occasionally, Cas’ eyes would roll back in his head and Dean started to wonder if the anticipation would actually kill him? He grinned and his husband rolled his eyes. 

Leaving the material undone, he decided that he wasn’t teasing hard enough and licked his lips. 

“Dean… you have that look….”

Dean’s expression became quizzical and Cas answered the unspoken question. 

“Don’t look at me like that. You know, the expression that means ‘I have to make this worse’... please...I don't think I can take much more…”

The Casual shrug Dean replied with had Cas’ fake sobbing into his pillow in jest. 

“Castiel,” Dean whispered and Cas looked over. The smile was the most seductive that he owned and Cas looked pained. Lifting his t-shirt he watched Cas gaze follow his hands to the edge as he started to lift it. One centimetre at a time he raised it higher and higher. When Cas flicked his eyes up to look into his, Dean bit his lower lip on one side and groaned. Glancing down he saw Cas’ cock twitch. As he finished raising his shirt over his head he threw it to where Cas’ lay on the floor. 

“Dean…”

“No.”

“Please.”

He grinned, “No.”

Incomprehensible groaning followed. 

Dean liked this so he backed off entirely and went back to standing at the end of the bed. 

“What...? No! Closer… not further away…” He whined. 

Dean gazed at Cas and slid his hand to his face, pressing his forefinger to his plump, tender lips. Trailing it down made his bottom lip pull slightly and Cas’ teeth snapped together as he hissed. Cas’ stare followed Dean's fingers as they caressed his chin, then neck and down on to his chest. It was a slow move and had Cas lifting from the bed as he caressed his torso. The golden skin covering his stomach was next, then finally to his own hips that sat above his waistband. 

He let his hand wander over the material and his cock twitched underneath. Letting his eyes show how much he wanted the man lying on the bed was almost more than he could take. Instead of crawling like a ravenous beast and taking his man, he flicked the button on his jeans and slid down the zip. Pushing the material down was more difficult than it should have been but he was a little warm. Cas was staring at his hands as they worked and then finally let himself revel in his touch. Dean's boxers where green with orange stripes and they were tight enough to need a tug to get his hand inside and around his dick. 

“Fuck.” he hissed out and Cas’ whimpered from the bed. 

Making an executive decision he took off the boxers and stood there like a naked promise. A Dean Winchester buffet that was all for the magnificent creature lying in front of him. Gripping his hard length in his sweaty, trembling palm Dean enjoyed the feeling of the momentary reprieve from his lust. The foreskin ran smoothly over his head and because of the quantity of pre-cum soaking his cock it created an exquisite feeling. As he played he let his eyes roll back in his head, fuck this was good. 

Cas was staring at him when Dean finally opened his eyes with a shudder. He was so close, too close, he had to stop. 

“I think that was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen…” Cas said in a whisper. 

“You ain’t seen nothing yet gorgeous.” 

Cas hadn’t moved and wouldn’t until Dean said he could, it was part of the game. 

Dean sighed and moved forwards. Bending over he pulled the waistband of Cas jeans and tugged them off to fall to the floor. Then the boxers followed because Dean wanted all that skin all over his. 

“Thank god…” Cas groaned. 

Dean smiled and crawled back on the bed letting his cock slide against Cas’. 

“I want; no I need to touch you…” Cas asked, “Please…”

Dean nodded because he needed it now, he was a raw nerve of want, of lust and only Cas could fix it. 

“Good.” his husband grinned, “Now it’s my turn.” 

“Go for it, I’m so close it won’t take much…” 

Cas ran his fingers through Dean’s hair and an evil little smile came over him, “You shouldn’t have done that Dean.” 

A fine tremor ran through him at those words, “Oh god… I'm oh so glad I did…”

Dean liked this side of Cas, the dominant side and it always came out after prolonged teasing, it was like a trigger. 

Cas' hand gripped his hair as he straddled him. He pulled his head back, which from underneath was more difficult than it looked. Propping up on one elbow, Cas licked up Dean’s neck and then lay back. 

“Cum,” he ordered and Dean didn't even think about it. He took his cock in his hand and started playing. It wouldn't take long, he was so wound up that even that act of touching himself had him near convulsions. One leg was either side of Cas and as he worked his dick. His hand touched Cas’ which lay throbbing against his stomach. The man on his back watched Dean intently as if memorising his every moan and twitch. 

“Talk to me, Dean.”

Dean’s head lolled back as he stroked and griped himself tight. Words were tough but he clambered for them because that what Cas wanted. 

“I want you…”

“How much?”

“More than anything…”

“What do you want me to do to you?” Cas whispered.

“Anything you like…” 

“Anything?”

Dean nodded as he rolled his thumb over his sensitive head. His breathing was laboured and he opened his eyes to look into Cas’. 

“Anything.” 

“Are you close?” 

He nodded. 

“Do you want me to bend you over and fuck you?” 

The nod was brief as his focus was on the rising wave that pushed up from his groin and the tingling that swamped his body. Staying on his knees was hard fucking work but he did it. 

“Do you want me to push my thick fingers inside your tight ass?” 

Again, a nod but this time it was enough. The full body convulsions shook him as he came into his hand. 

“Oh, Cas… fuck…”

He trembled and twitched his release into his hand. 

“Dean?” 

He tried to focus as he hunched forward panting for breath with his arm bracing his weight on the bed. 

“Yeah Cas.” 

“You know what you have to do.” 

Dean looked up with a lopsided grin at Cas who was smiling. He rolled his fingers in his cum. With his right hand wet and slick he reached under, moving his balls out of the way so he could get a better angle. Touching the sensitive skin made for more twitching but finally, he rested his shaking fingers at his puckered entrance. 

“Wait.” Cas said as he considered the move, “I want to watch. Turn around.” 

Grinning Dean did as he was asked and no so gracefully turned so that his ass faced Cas. His hips lined up with Cas’ stomach, not to close, not too far but an astounding view. 

Then he rubbed that puckered bundle of nerves with his cum. Groaning he pushed his finger in, just the tip, then a little more. Oh god, that was good. Then forcing his whole middle finger in he stopped as Cas moved underneath him. His head ended up right beneath his ass. He could feel Cas watching as he slowly dragged that finger out and added another. 

“Oh, Cas…”

“Keep going.”

Dean’s cock responded growing again, it hung semi-hard and loose between his legs. Cum was still dripping and was landing on Cas’ stomach. He watched it as he worked his fingers inside his tight clenching hole. Moaning and panting took over because nothing was better than Cas’ cock and he needed it. He was a begging, filthy mess and they both knew it. 

Dean felt Cas’ fingers as they joined his. Initially, he played with the cum on his stomach and rubbed that on Dean’s balls, tugging lightly. It was usually uncomfortable but it was something Dean enjoyed. Cas hand stopped him from removing his fingers and he froze with his two digits buried in his own sphincter. Cas left him there while he wiggled out from underneath him and climbed to his knees. The position was stressful and Dean's wrist started to ache. 

Cas scooped up the remaining cum and added lube to his cock, Dean heard the click of the bottle and sighed, finally. Cas was playing with himself, Dean could hear it and as time passed Dean’s wrist cramped up and his cock got harder. 

“Cas, please…”

“Finger yourself.” He ordered and Dean did. The movement was smooth even though he was having trouble feeling his fingers. 

“That’s so fucking hot,” Cas growled and wrapped his hand around Dean’s. He took over the movement and sliding his fingers slowly out of his ass. 

Dean felt Cas move to his back. He relaxed as Cas placed his hand on Dean’s neck and pushed his face into the bed. Bent over like this, Cas had full access. He licked down Dean's back from about halfway, to his ass, over his loose hole and slid his tongue in. 

“Shit…”

Cas growled, “Hold still.” Then lined his cock up with Dean’s ass and started to work his way in. 

“Holy fuck…”

“Literally…” Cas laughed and it broke the mood somewhat as Dean sniggered. 

Then Cas worked all eight inches inside him, bottoming out and the laughing turned into hard, heavy breaths. 

The man at his back fucked him. There was no more slow, no more teasing just a hard pounding fuck that tore the breath from them both. Dean ended up pressed flat into the bed as Cas took him. He used him and rode his tight muscled sheath until he was grinding his teeth together in the effort to make it last longer. 

“Oh, Dean… That is… fuck…”

Dean was clawing at the sheets and fighting for breath as he felt Cas’ buck and release inside him. He clenched his ass and milked it for every drop because nothing beat the feeling of Cas inside him, nothing. 

The angel collapsed, exhausted and lay flat on Dean’s back for a long minute. 

“You are amazing.” Cas gasped as he rolled off his man. 

Dean turned his head but the rest of him wouldn't cooperate, “No, you are.” 

They grinned and Cas leaned over and kissed him. The slow press of lips became a deep sensual expression of everything they’d just shared. 

“Wow.” Dean laughed, “I’m so done…” 

Cas smiled, “It’s a good thing we’re home then isn’t?”

Dean nodded, yes it was a very good thing.


	19. Epilogue - Bloodlust

Cas stood watching his family laugh and joke as they ate and smiled in the late summer sun. The trees provided a barrier to the cool wind and Cas sighed at the truly joyous atmosphere. 

Dean was manning the barbeque and arguing with his Dad over the best way to cook a steak. Eileen, who was starting to show her pregnancy, sat with Mary and Kelly, Jack’s Mom. They were discussing the twins impending arrival, both boys. Sam, Jack and his boyfriend were admiring the view while they discussed their vacation to Hawaii in the fall. Tom cursed Raj who had won yet another round whatever card thing they were playing and Meg accused him of cheating for the fourth game in a row. She really was a sore loser. Everything was amazing. 

“Cas.”

“Balthazar.” 

The angel had appeared to the left. Thankfully, he was far enough away from everyone that they weren't paying attention to him. 

“Is everything ready?” Cas said as he smiled at his friend. 

“Yes.”

“Do you want a drink?”

“Why not.” Balthazar shrugged, “Scotch?” 

Cas went to pour the liquor from the outdoor bar and then returned. Balthazar sipped it and watched the humans with him for a while in silence. 

“Cas?” he asked interrupting the peace, “Are you sure you want to do this?”

Turning to the rugged looking angel he nodded, “As sure as knowing the 80’s called and they want their jacket back.” 

Balthazar raised his eyebrow, “Fine, joke but you have to deal with the fallout… I just want you to be sure.” 

“What did father say?” Cas sighed. 

“Due to the circumstances there nothing he can do, you have your loophole.” he wasn't pleased about it.

“Good. I can't be separated from Dean?” 

Balthazar shook his head, “No.” he growled, “But it doesn’t make it right.” 

Cas turned on him then and returned the growl, “You condone it? You saw what happened, I don't know how you can justify-”

“I’m not justifying it!” he hissed, “I know that you’ve been a shining example of humanity, you’re happy… you’re prone to guilt… I just don't want to see you fuck it all up.”

They stared at each other for a long minute before they were interrupted.

“Hey B. Sup?” Dean called as he walked over. 

Cas turned to watch him as he moved. His shorts were black and dropped over his knee, the yellow t-shirt wasn't Cas’ favourite but Dean liked it. The casual black shirt over the t-shirt muted it a little and kept the chill from his husbands' arms. It would have helped if he'd been wearing shoes but Dean would rather be barefoot. Ironic for someone with so many shoes. 

Cas smiled as he leaned in for a kiss. 

Balthazar rolled his eyes and Dean laughed, “Nice to see you too B.” 

“Human,” Balthazar replied, his tone was playful. 

“Glad you came.” Dean rolled his shoulders, they must have been tight from leaning over the grill and Cas pulled him in for a side hug. 

“I’m going to run an errand with Balthazar, angel stuff… you going to be okay holding the fort for a while?” 

“Angel stuff huh?” Dean asked suspiciously. 

“A few loose ends from all the stuff in Paris,” Balthazar explained so that Cas didn’t have to even edge his way around a lie. It was technically the truth. 

“I’ll explain later,” Cas said and he would. When it was done and Dean couldn’t fight him on it. Nothing was going to stop him. 

“Okay gorgeous, get back soon?” Dean asked as he kissed Cas’ soft lips. 

That never got old, “Yes Dean.” 

With that, Dean returned to the grill. Cas followed Balthazar into the lounge so they could blink out without being seen. 

Cas was thankful he’d changed into his shorts as they landed in Kuramathi. The Maldives were stunning, all white sand and turquoise oceans. It was one of these islands that acted as their main holiday home. Cas took a second to adjust to the temperature change. It was hot. 

“He’s in his room,” Balthazar stated as he brushed imaginary dirt from his jacket. It was far too hot for a jacket but the angel wouldn’t care about that. Though it did look odd on the beach full of bikini-clad holidaymakers. 

“Ready?” Cas asked.

“Are you?” 

Cas nodded and Balthazar blinked them out again. The hotel room was lavish and situated on the corner of the island surrounded by trees. The privacy would serve them well. The cabin was separate from the rest of the hotel accommodation. Several hundred yards of forest separated it from the main complex.

The moaning emanating from the bed infuriated Cas. Rage rose and Balthazar grabbed his arm shaking his head.

Cas tried to regain some composure but the hate kept on surging through him making him irrational. The two men on the bed were oblivious to their new guests. Cas stood watching them like he could make at least one of them evaporate by sight, the other he didn't know nor cared to. Several deep breaths later Balthazar let him go trusting him to keep his shit together. 

As the rage faded, a frozen calm settled in Cas’ core and along with it a terrifying inhuman smile. 

“Sorry to interrupt.” Balthazar sneered, “Well, not really.” 

The young man who looked barely legal snapped his head up from the other man’s dick. 

“Well isn't this awkward.” Cas spat. 

“You. Leave. Now.” Balthazar growled and the boy moved like the wind, grabbing his clothes and was out of the door. 

“Castiel, how…?” he recovered from the initial shock quickly and scowled, What an unpleasant surprise.” 

“Gabriel.” Cas replied, “Same.”

“Put some clothes on Gabriel,” Balthazar said rolling his eyes. 

“Who are you?” The sweaty man asked as he grabbed a robe from the chair. 

“That’s not important.” 

“How did you find me?” he asked reaching under his pillow. 

“Looking for your gun?” Cas laughed, “It’s taking a swim.” 

Gabriel paled now his defensive option was off the table and Cas grinned again. A smile that warned of bad things that were about to happen. The short man sat on the chair by his bed and started to shake. 

“Finally, a little terror”

“What do you want?”

Cas paced around the room, Balthazar let him take centre stage. This was Cas' production after all.

“Not much Gabe. Fine wine, blue skies, country music, world peace and my husband, happy and well.” he listed. 

If it was possible Gabriel paled further, he was a ghostly shade of white. 

“Ah yes, you wouldn't know that would you, being off the grid and all. I bet that poor boy and his… friends are the only people you’ve seen in months.” 

“Fuck you Cas, he’s legal.”

“In who’s country?” Cas growled spinning on the spot to glare at him.

Gabe remained silent. 

“Yes. I married Dean, it was glorious. Thank you for asking.” 

“I don’t-”

Cas laughed, “You don't care? Yes, you do.” 

Gabriel stayed quiet again, the silence spoke a thousand words. The man looked devastated, Cas started to worry for a second that he actually had feelings.

Then he opened his mouth, “I had him first. So have fun with my sloppy seconds.” 

Cas froze and had to resist the urge to beat the idiot into a pulp. 

“Dean is ten times the man you will ever be.” Cas hissed, “Your jealousy is showing Gabe.”

“Again, Castiel, what do you want?” 

Cas picked up a generic beach picture and felt sick, Dean had taken it. Rage rose again, how fucking dare he have anything of Dean’s. The picture launched across the room narrowly missing Gabriel's head. 

“Jesus!” he yelled, “You're insane!”

“I’ve been saying that for a millennium,” Balthazar said dryly and Cas pitched him a glare. 

“How did you get out of prison Gabe?” Cas asked. 

“I have expensive lawyers.” 

“See, now I know you’re lying.” Cas walked over and growled in his face, “Because I made damn sure that you confessed and there is not much that can break that kind of compulsion.”

Gabriel seemed confused, then less so as everything clicked into place, “You?” he said incredulous, “How?” 

“There are a few things you don't know, so I’ll fill in the blanks, because, well I want to watch your brain explode.” 

“Theatrics.” Balthazar commented, “always so entertaining.” 

Cas grinned, “I’m not Jimmy Novak, I haven’t been for a long time. I’m Castiel, it’s not just a name change Gabe, I got a new soul, for lack of a better word. I was an angel.” 

Gabriel laughed until he realised Cas was dead serious. 

“You are actually insane.”

“Balthazar.” 

“Must I?”

Cas glared, “Yes.”

“Fine.” and he spread his wings, the shadow grew solid against the white wall of the hotel room. 

“Holy fuck.” Gabriel cursed and gripped the arms of his chair. 

“Don’t run Gabe, I’ll have you in a second.” 

“What...What was that…”

“He’s not very bright is he?” Balthazar winced, “Angel, idiot.” 

“Angels... they’re not real.” 

Balthazar looked down at his own chest, “Yes.. seems like I am.”

Cas laughed in spite of himself. 

“What… I don't understand.” 

“There are only a few ways to break angel compulsion.” Cas sat on the bed next to Gabriel, “And the only one you had access too was a demon.” 

“Demons, Angels you’re crazy…” but his tone wasn't as shaky as it had been. Yes, it had been a demon. 

“I want you to call it.” Cas asked, “Now.”

“I can’t...I need.” 

Cas took the paper from his jacket and rolled it out. He tipped the fruit out of the bowl on the side and finished the prep for the ritual in no time at all. 

“I just need a name and don't bullshit me, it won't end well for you.” 

“Barthamus.” He whispered. 

“Fucker.” Balthazar cursed. 

Cas cast the spell and the demon appeared inside a young man, clearly appealing to Gabriel because he could have been Dean’s twin. Cas growled again as his stomach churned with hate. 

“Well isn't that eerie.” Balthazar chimed in and the demon smiled. 

“Angels. I think I’ll take my leave.” The demon tried to leave but Balthazar had drawn a trap on the ceiling in invisible paint earlier in the day. 

“I don't think so.” Cas smiled.

“Ah shit.” he cursed, “What do you want.” 

“Can you confirm that his soul is designed for hell?” 

Barthamus seemed confused but answered, “Yes, he made a deal. In ten years his ass is mine.” 

Cas nodded, “Crowley.” 

The king of hell appeared at his side, “This one?” he asked as the demon I the trap started to panic. 

“Sir… I don’t…” 

“Yes, you do Barthamus. The human had been touched by angels… did it not occur to you that there was a reason for that? You know the rules and breaking them has consequences.” 

“But sire, we’re demons… I didn't think.” 

“No, you never do.” Crowley said, “There are rules for a reason. If angel touched it, it’s off limits without my express permission. It keeps them off our collective arses and out of my already thinning hair! Did you ask for my permission Barthamus?”

“...well-”

“That was rhetorical you idiot.” He rolled his eyes as the demon cowered in the circle, “For the love of Lucifer…” Turning to Cas he added, “Thank you for bringing this to my attention, we’re even now. Then blinked out taking the demon with him.” 

Gabriel was in shock and sat staring at the space where Crowley had stood. 

“I think it’s time we got back to the party Balthazar,” Cas said casually. 

“Do you want mine?” he asked.

“No, I brought my own,” Cas said, it was emotionless and Balthazar gave him a curious look. 

“Stay?”

He shook his head and then he was alone with Gabriel. 

Cas turned and span the angel blade in his hand, it felt odd but also like a part of him. 

“Cas...What are you doing?” Gabriel found his voice and the terror coursing through it made Cas warm to his toes. 

“You see there’s a loophole in the rules that dictate where souls go after they die… well, there are a few, most include demon deals or divine intervention. The one I employed was of the former. Crowley owed me and so, no matter what I do in the next five minutes, my soul, my essence will meet Dean’s in heaven. 

“What?... I”

“When I kill you. When I run this very sharp blade through your black, withered heart, I should be earmarked for hell. The rules, you understand? Crowley’s favour keeps me clean, so when I murder you, it's like it didn't happen.” 

Cas knew he was monologuing, but it had the desired effect, Gabriel was shaking and panting. 

“You can’t… The police…” 

“I’m at a party with my family in Kansas, no one will ever suspect me.” 

Gabriel threw up as he realised Cas was serious. 

“Joy.” Cas sneered, “You’re finally realising. Enjoy these last few moments Gabriel because Hell is everything you can imagine.”

Stepping into Gabriel’s personal space Cas grabbed his hair and placed the blade to his chest. The man tried to struggle, to beg and started to cry. 

“This is for Dean, for me, for his family. Enjoy eternal damnation you deserve it,” he whispered as he pushed the blade in slowly. The scream was terrible but Cas was deep inside a silent space in his mind. Nothing could touch him, at this moment he was right and righteous. 

As the life ebbed from Gabriel, Cas stepped back to avoid the blood. He paused to wiped the blade on the bed and then returned it to his jacket. Shuddering, he watched the man gasp and bleed all over the white stone floor. Time to go. Cas felt no joy now it was over, only a cold relief that this man would never hurt Dean again. 

“Balthazar.” 

“Cas.” he said looking at the mess, “Shall we go? I need a drink.”

Cas nodded and they blinked out. 

The party finished a few hours after their return, it passed in a nervous daze for Cas. It probably said something about him that he was less concerned with murder than telling his husband. Though, he wasn't going to examine that too closely. 

Dean could tell something was wrong and it wasn't helping his nerves. His husband kept asking if he was okay and looking at him like he was hiding something. How had Cas ever kept anything from him? 

Once their guests left, Cas sat Dean down told him what he’d done. There couldn’t be any secrets between them. 

“Dean…” Cas whispered, “Please say something.”

A tear fell and tumbled down Dean's cheek. Cas froze, his heart pounding in his chest. Shit, had he broken his marriage before it had even started? 

“He’s in hell…?”

Cas nodded as he trembled on the sofa. 

Dean flew the three feet that separated them and wrapped himself around Cas. 

“And you get to go to heaven?” Dean clarified pulling back to look into Cas’ wide eyes.

“Yes, it’s guaranteed.” 

“Good, I’m glad you killed that… monster.” Dean’s expression was full of both hate and relief. 

“Ow!” Cas cursed as Dean punched him with all his weight behind it. 

“That’s for sneaking off to murder someone without me!” he growled. Then he leaned into Cas as he rubbed his arm and grabbed Cas’ face in both hands. The kiss was searing. “That’s for being my hero, my scary fucking hero.” 

“You’re not mad? Or horrified?” Cas said looking sheepish. 

Dean thought about it for a second, “Relieved. Knowing he can’t hurt us again… just relieved.” 

Cas smiled and cupped Dean’s chin, “Good. I love you. I’m sorry.”

“ You should be.” 

“Can we go for a walk? I need to clear my head.” 

Dean nodded, “Sure.”

They strode onto their land, hand in hand. Taking their time, they admired the trees, the stream and the birds. They laughed past the darkness that tainted the day and would do that many times over the years. Happiness, as with time would heal all their wounds. Cas smiled as he watched Dean admire an ancient oak tree, this was bliss. This was his heaven on earth.

“Dean… Wait up.” He called. 

-Fin-

**Author's Note:**

> The original prompt was from a friend on FB. Thank you, Mali M for the inspiration.
> 
> THANK YOU to everyone who's read this as a WIP and to those who have commented and to everyone who will read it and comment now it's a completed story. I hope you all enjoyed it. Please check out my other works and feel free to follow me on Tumblr for previews of future works and fun Destiel related things. Feedback is welcome via Tumblr if you want it to be private. 
> 
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/redheadshenanigans


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